To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

[AvrilAprill]

At the end of last year I made friends with a mum who’d just moved to the area. We got on great, as did our partners.

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

They so will. My mother: "You must be home no later than 10pm." Me: "OK then" - moves in with said boyfriend, no curfew. I was 17.5.

For me it would depend on how old they are now.

if they got together when she was still at school and he was working then I’d find that creepy but if they are of an age where she had left school and was working when they met then it is not the same.

Really? You would hate me then as there’s 17 years between my husband and I with our oldest 34 our youngest 3 the difference between our ages is irrelevant to us and our friends

How old were you when you met? If you were 17 and he was 34....

16 and 19 could both be 6th Form Students!
They could be in the same common room, the same lunchtimes, the same drama performances.
Or even be in college together, so no "school" to worry about

You're being very strange about something that has absolutely nothing to do with you.

you are very ageist

and I bet you think some girls have penises

If they both are from a small village with a very limited amount of young people, that's not weird at all. Age goes a bit different in those places, even now. 16 years olds are more likely to be around 20 year olds for bonfires and beer, than around 12 year olds for swings and bikes.

One of my brothers started going out with his now wife when she was 17 and he was 23. Married when she was 21. They have a very happy marriage.

Back in the 90s/early 2000's this was seen as completely normal by everyone. I was 17 when I meet my then boyfriend who was 22 (in a club - I had fake ID to get in). No one, including my parents had an issue with it. Out of the two of us I was by far the most mature one. We were together for 3 years.

My DC (late teens) are horrified that a 22 year old was going out with me when I was 17 & genuinely asked me if I was groomed!! Ridiculous and everyone my age thinks its was completely normal. DH (who I meet when I was 21 & he was 26) also thinks it was normal.

I think society has changed (& gettinginto clubs when you are under 18 is muych harder than it was then!) and current thinking is that its wrong, but as a very happy participant in our relationship, it was entirel what I wanted and I have no regrets.

And I wouldnt have bat an eyelid if DD did the same thing when she was 17.

My 16 dd3 is pretty immature for her age - I'm sure she'd disagree! Her best friend, a boy, was 15 last week and they're not dating but they are pretty close. It seems a huge difference to me (18 months, one school year).
I do think it depends on the people involved. Some 16 years olds are very mature and some 20 years olds are not. I don't think I'd be bothered about the relationship history of my friends.

Not seeing a problem. Both legal. Seen plenty examples over the years, next door neighbbour was 16, he 35, girl at my school she 16 he 22 (fancy car). Women I worked with daughter 16 he was 47, they got married. I was 27 seeing a 16 year old. Quite a few mates were seeing 16/17 year olds in their 20's. Family friend at pub she nearly 17 he 24. Great guy.

There are more important things to be concerned about in life.

Tbh I have a very mature dd who is in her early 20s

Personally if she came home with someone 15 years older who has their own business, home, driving license and car at this stage I would feel that is more of an equal partnership than the boys (and they are boys despite being 25) that are the same age or 1 or 2 years older

The disparity between them is huge and not in a good way for her who seems to do all the driving, organising and running around after them.

No girls or women have or have had penises & @AvrilAprill is one of the few ppl with any sense on this thread.

Yeah I'm done with this thread. No-one in their right mind should think your examples are OK & I'm just hoping you're making it up. 16 & 47? Come the Fuck on!

I met my husband when I was 16 and he was almost 21. He was very immature for his age. Still is 😂. We hung about in big group where we had been friends for years. No one thought it was a big deal. We got married aged 21 and him 26. 3 kids later. Best man I know.

I agree that it was viewed as totally normal. In the early 00s I had a boyfriend aged 21 when I was 16. The vast majority of my friends had older boyfriends and we all saw boys of our own age as immature idiots.

I'm not saying it was ok. Looking back, it wasn't and I'm glad society has moved on. But there are lots of things we look back on now and think "how the fuck was this allowed?" The awful countdown in the tabloids to Charlotte Church turning 16, the number of teenage page 3 models etc. It was all inappropriate and gross, but as a young person and teenager around that time.... totally normalised.

But......this couple have stayed together, are presumably happy and have made it work. I don't know how old they are but I'm only in my 30s and wouldn't want to be judged for a decision made when I was a youngster that would have been seen as totally normal at the time, even if we now want to do better for our young people.

There are 7 years between me and my husband, however we met later on in life... he says if he had met me when I was 16 so him 22/23 he wouldn't have looked twice at me and would have found it weird to be attracted to me...

On reflection when I was 23 and with a guy who was 40... so 17 years I now realise that was really odd and not right and he probably just wanted someone with pert boob's given he cheated on me and treated me terribly

My best friend who is a 20 year old guy, has said he absolutely would never go out with a 16 year old. 18 would be the youngest for him.

I don't find the gap that bad.
But I'm 30 and have gone out with a 20 year old 🤷‍♀️ and he was only 19 at the time so maybe I'm not your best judge 😂

Unclench.

I and my friends were dating 20 year old guys when we were 16-17, other 16 years old were boring 😂
There was no trauma, no drama,

A 4 year gap is nothing at that age, they are quite on the same length.

That couple is still together, what's wrong in your own life that you must be so judgmental and question them?

I do find it a bit ick, you'll get people who will say "they are still together" "different times" "girls are more mature" etc like with The Radfords (except she was 13/14 years old) but it's still a bit icky nonetheless and yes it does raise questions such as why would a 20 year old pursue a 16 year old? Sure it's legal, however it's still a bit dodgy. 16 years old is still a child really, no matter what any law says.

I cringe at the older boys/guys that were interested in me at that age... when I look back now I realise it was actually a bit creepy and inappropriate

why is that dodgy? You make it sound like a creepy businessman having a fetish for schoolgirls.🙄

Not all 16 year old are little girls holding mummy's hand, a lot have jobs, have a much more mature attitude than some so-called "grown-up". Not all 20 year old are young professionals. It's basically 2 students hooking up, what is the big deal?

Why is it "dodgy"? It's only a 4 year age gap, they're allowed to date!

I'm not talking about the actual age gaps rather than the actual ages.

I had 20 year olds approach me at 16 years old and it was just icky and creepy. I was still a child.