It's a money one - Parent

[TheSpoonyNavyReader]

My parents have always been very fair and equal when they have given my sibling or myself money, the other sibling instantly get the same amount. This has always been the case.

My parents gave my sibling a large amount of money, and I have been told that I will have to wait until my parents have died to receive the money.

My parents have got the money in investments and have the amount of money sitting in the bank.

AIBU and should just wait or AINBU to think I should be given the money now as has always happened.

YABU - you're not entitled to any of their money?!

Why are they still giving you money now that you're adults?

Does your sibling need this lump sum for a critical purpose? Maybe he'll share some with you?

What do you think your options are? You can’t make them give it to you. I can see why you’re put out when the normal dynamic has changed but it doesn’t look like you have a choice but to accept it.

Oh dear. Hard hat on OP.

I am not entitled to their money, my parents have always been fair that if they pay for a wedding or helped with a house deposit the other sibling gets the same amount of money, so its totally fair.

My sibling was given this money a year ago, no critical purpose.

Why have they given the money to your sibling now? Why are you having to wait? More context is needed, for example if they’re giving it to your sibling now because s/he is on a low income but needs help to pay childcare fees for their nursery aged children hilts you’re childfree and on a high income and don’t need the money right now I don’t see it as unfair. If they gave you both ££ for a house deposit but you bought in a cheap area when mortgage rates were low but your sibling is buying now with higher rates and is in a more expensive area for work where it will cost £££ I don’t see it as unfair for your parents to help your sibling with extra money now, if you don’t need the money then I don’t see that they have to give you the same right now. The inheritance will be adjusted so it will still work out as fair, maybe your parents don’t have enough to give both of you the money in cash right now so are prioritising the sibling who needs the help right now.

I know that I can not make them give me the money, the conversation went we have given your sibling this amount of money, we have the money but do not want to give it to you as we want our investments to grow. You will get more when we pass away. Its the normal dynamic that has changed and its hurts a little that when I got married the day after the wedding my sibling received the amount that my parents had given me so it was all equal.

They are usually so fair that I just feel a little down the pecking order. Which I know is silly for a fully grown up woman.

For context

I have more children.

House deposit were already given a years ago and my sibling has been helped more with those than me.

No childcare costs for either of us, my sibling and I also earn roughly the same.

The gift my parents made to my sibling was not for anything other than they wanted to buy/pay for something big. Can't put on here as very outing. If it was for a house deposit or life saving treatment, they were going to lose their house I would totally understand and be very totally onboard and would help in any way I could.

My parent have the cash sitting in just one of their bank accounts and have investments that paying them out the amount on an annual basis.

Its not the money its the way it has been changed and my sibling was always seen as the golden child.

It is not up to you what your parents do with their money. They didn't ever have to give you any or leave you any. It sounds like they have given you a lot. You have a very entitled attitude. it might have been better if they hadn't given you any in the past, then you wouldn't be feeling hard done by now.

They might not leave you any. Things could change. One could die and the other remarry someone younger than you.

I know that my parents can do what they like with their money, but they have always said that what we give one the other will get and if we can not afford it the other will not get it.

Its not the money its the changing of what they have always done.

I have not said the amount or what my sibling used the money for to keep the context completely fair.

This has happened to me recently. My sibling was given a large sum of money to help buy something, they could have afforded it themselves by using a loan but my parents decided to step in.

For context I bought the exact sale thing a few years back using a loan.

They intended on giving me the same but due to a change is circumstances they now can’t.
My sibling and partner earn around 1/3 more than me and my husband. They also have money in savings which we don’t

Tbh it was a bit of a stupid thing to do and now I think my parents regret it a bit - what they should have done is give us 1/2 each. They have said I can have the money when they die, but in that time it will be worth less money or they could be left with nothing if they need care.

However it’s their money to do what they want what’s done is done and it’s not going to affect my relationship with my sibling or parents because I care more about them than the money

The situation has not changed anything with my parent/sibling relationship.

My parents circumstances have not changed (in fact got better through a small inheritance)

The money gifted to my sibling was a large sum and will be worth a lot less in 10-20 years and there is no guarantee that there will be any money left in their estate.

The reality is your parents need to keep "your" share in investments to ensure it generates the income they need to live off

If they know you are "due" this amount too have they ring fenced it by way of legacy in the will. How old are they. Are we talking 20 more years of waiting or only 2. Either way their money their choice however unfair anyone else perceives it to be.

(£10k for cosmetic surgery?? or £10k for IVF)

OP just ignore the trolls because there's always loads of them on these type of posts.

I can understand how you feel, we have a difficult situation with DHs dad.
He gave my DH 25k to buy a flat, DH then was fortunate to make money on his flat when he sold it and paid FiL back.
His sister (my SIL) then received over 30k to buy a house. This was quite a few years after my DH was given his money, but not long after DH has paid his dad back.

She has never been able to pay FIL back because she's never made money on a house sale. And FIL is supposedly still going to treat them at 50:50 in his will.

Is this fair in my eyes? Not at all. But some would argue SIL received her money years after DH (she is also older than him) so was unable to benefit from hers in the same way DH did.

Anyway, all I mean to say is that the fact that you will receive your fair share is the main thing. Unless you NEED money now I wouldn't worry x

They have not ring fenced the money, I am hoping that it will be more like 20 years as I want my parents to live a very long happy life.

Cosmetic surgery was used for part of the money and we are talking much more than 10K

So if they haven't put any equalising amount in its likely you and your sibling will inherit the same?

We do not need the money for anything in particular but have 2 kids going to uni this year so would help.

It would also make a dent on our mortgage.

I just feel hurt that the status quo has changed.

My parents have just said that my sibling knows that they have received that amount and they will take off that amount off the amount they receive, the will clearly states everything is split 50/50

You are not entitled to anything from them and dont seem grateful for what you have received so far. Although you dont see what your sibling has spent money on as important your parents dont seem to agree. Maybe this is not being the "golden child" but just the one who is grateful.

You can ask for help with funding the children at university, you could ask them to add a codicil to their wills to ensure it is evened out if they still have the money. But you may be seen as spoilt and grabby.

Where have I said that I am not grateful for anything, I am extremely grateful.

Who can I ask for funding the kids at Uni, we earn too much for any maintenance grants.

My parents have told my sibling and I they will not be giving us anymore money (I have never asked for any). As they want enough to cover care costs for themselves.

I wouldn't bank on it. Even if the sibling has said that to them I suspect the chances that happens later are slim.

Your parents can add a simple codicil to their will for a minimal charge to rectify this (if they wanted to).

My parents believe that my sibling is trust worthy and be fair. I have asked that codicil be added but I was told that was not needed as my sibling is trust worthy!

The amount is 150k.

Yes I would work on the basis that sibling will not be as trustworthy as they believe (or pretend to believe).

I will just have to suck it up, its my parents money and I cant change or do anything about it.