It's a money one - Parent

[TheSpoonyNavyReader]

My parents have always been very fair and equal when they have given my sibling or myself money, the other sibling instantly get the same amount. This has always been the case.

My parents gave my sibling a large amount of money, and I have been told that I will have to wait until my parents have died to receive the money.

My parents have got the money in investments and have the amount of money sitting in the bank.

AIBU and should just wait or AINBU to think I should be given the money now as has always happened.

Yes unfortunately that's what you will have to do but it doesn't stop it being crap for you.

Of course it's not fair. For a start you'll have to pay inheritance tax at the point you receive the equivalent.

But this is Mumsnet where you are seen as entitled if you even dare to think about what you might one day inherit.

Are you close enough to say to your parents "i don't begrudge you helping my sibling but this is the first time you've ever treated us differently and it's uncomfortable"? If not then you'll just have to suck it up really. It is not fair though.

You always get the same tired responses about entitlement trotted out on these threads.

It's not about that, it's about the emotional impact of the inequality.

Not only will this affect your relationship with your parents, because it will always be in the back of your mind, but so will their refusal to address your concerns with the use of a codicil.

All of a sudden it's become pretty clear that they have a favourite.

I don't think you will see the money from your siblings. You only need to look at recent threads on here ( the number of people willing to steal from a rich person or buy stolen goods from a drug addict) to realise how immoral many people are around cold hard cash.

Thank you.

My parents have always stated that they are completely fair with how they treat my sibling and I, just not on this one.

If my parents remarry or spend their money on world cruises or leave it all to charity then that is fine by me, its their money but it is the promise what we have done for one we will always do for the other. It hurts.

I do everything for my parents, my sibling lives aboard in an EU country.

their money, their choice.

£150k? Wow. Now I know why you’re upset. That’s a BIG change to the “we treat you both the same” line.

Similar situation here, my parents are always fair (even will send me or my sister money if they take one of us out for dinner) but they gave my sister 80k and can't afford to do the same for me.
They checked it was okay and have it written into their wills but my only answer was it's not my money to spend and it's not a big enough figure to throw away my family over? Yes it's a lot of money, and no I wish they hadn't given it to her as its delays their retirement. But it's not my choice and I'll either get it one day or I won't!

Dh’s dp’s always trotted out that they gave dh and his sibling the same.
They didn’t and it was obvious.
We couldn’t care less what the sibling actually got, she’s lovely, it was the blatant lies that were annoying.
Shortly after dsil got married mil said I’ve written all the costs in my little book and it came to x amount.
She read everything out and I added it all up in my head it was under x amount by several thousand.
She obviously didnt read out the amount given in cash as a gift.
Our wedding gift was a dressing table that we didn’t ask for. 😂

I think I understand you OP- it's not so much the money, but that it represents a difference in treatment (for no perceived 'valid' reason).

I'm in the 'your money, do what you like with it camp' and don't think anyone should feel entitled to or expect an inheritance. However, for a lot of us, monetary gifts, wedding invitations, inheritances etc (whether rightly or wrongly) are seen as an indicator of the giver's relationship with the recipient.

I think you are quite correct to not to rely on the money in future. There are so many variables that things could change considerably by then. It sounds like you've discussed the issue with your parents already- at this point, unless you want to jeapordise the relationship, it would be unwise to bring it up again. You aren't unreasonable to feel quietly hurt for a little while though.

How would you feel if your sibling got 150K

Thank you, this is it exactly its the difference in treatment.

I mean, yeah it’s not your money so you can’t say much. Money is so horrible tho isn’t it - people should just not promise anyone any amount. I won’t be and neither are my parents - we have (siblings) agreed we don’t want anything so no one gets anything. No fights, no arguments. No cries of unfair golden child.

Its not the money, its that the back tracking on what we do for one we do for the other.

I am making peace with the fact that we are treated differently.

YABU for expecting your parents to give you money full stop.

I can see where you’re coming from OP. It’s never nice to feel you are being dealt with differently to a sibling by parents. But your opening post didn’t do you any favours. It came across very self entitled, and perhaps the answers you have received on here would be different if you had worded it better.

I have never asked for any money from my parents they have gifted it......

RTFT

I wrote the opening post, leaving out the context and money involved, I would be just as hurt if it was 1k

@TheSpoonyNavyReader I did read the full thread. Your parents are under no obligation to give you or your siblings ANY money. Doesn't matter what the status quo up until now has been. Essentially you're on here complaining that you don't like the terms under which you will be gifted money that you have zero entitlement to in the first place. If your parents give your siblings £50k just because that still wouldn't mean you're entitled to anything. Their money, their choice.

I can understand why you feel hurt that they have always treated you equally and now not.

Re the * My parents believe that my sibling is trust worthy and be fair. I have asked that codicil be added but I was told that was not needed as my sibling is trust worthy!

The amount is 150k.*

This is a bad idea on their part - is your sibling married ? Nothing causes problems like money when someone dies - even if your sibling is still around when the time comes they could renege or there may not be£150k etc etc,

Blimey! I'd want a codicil too at £150k

I'm not really sure WHAT you can do about it, but it's v unfair UNLESS the £150k for you is ringfenced clearly in the will

And even then, of course, nursing home fees may eat that up

Oh grow up! You sound 12!

It's your parents money not yours! If they say you have to wait then wait!

What is wrong with people today, so entitled and me me me

You are asking us, but we are not your parents. Talk to them. If you want some money, find a large purchase that they would agree to.
Maybe an investment they would approve of.

If they say no, well that’s that.

I know and have said that what will be will be.

I am just hurt that my sibling and I are not treated equally now.

I have never asked my parents for any money, and have just got on with life my sibling on the other hand has always asked and been given the money, as I said if this was for life saving treatment or something for my niece and nephew but alas it was not.

Its not about the money, its being treated unequally, my parents have always said they will treat us the same.