It’s my birthday and nobody got me anything

[autismmumx]

Just feeling really sad. I’ve been in hospital all week unwell and got discharged on Thursday afternoon. Me and my partner haven’t had much money recently, but it’s my birthday today and he didn’t get me anything from him or our little boy. I didn’t expect anything much but even some flowers from the garage would have been appreciated.

I got a short ‘happy birthday’ message from my mum, who had our son last night. She text me saying he’d had a nice Facetime with his auntie (my sister) but they didn’t think to FaceTime me for my birthday. He’s non-verbal and autistic and I’m not sure if he even knows it’s my birthday.

I had told her I wanted to collect him early today to spend the day with him but she’s taken him out without telling me so I’ve just watching TV on the sofa.

My friends haven’t messaged me so I’m assuming they forgot. The only message I’ve had is from my granny.

My partner saw I was upset and said ‘why don’t we go and get you some flowers?’ I don’t want to seem ungrateful but I don’t want to go with him to choose flowers for my birthday because it’s not the same.

It’s not a big birthday, it’s my 29th. But I’ve had such a bad time with my health recently that it’s just made me really sad.

AIBU to be upset about this or should I just get over it as it’s just a birthday?

I have been in that situation OP, and likely to be again. A bunch of friends have now said they want to stop doing any presents so it is likely I will have the same at Christmas too. I understand money issues. But it does feel like no one cares. I had a hard time growing up, lots of time with no contact with one or the other parent, and it takes me right back to that. It just feels so sad. I am so sorry for you. I do hope that, if you feel there is hope in this relationship, you can explain to your partner how you feel and he can hear you. Hugs to you, and hoping this year gets much better for you.

I'm not surprised youre upset - it's just not good enough, is it? Have some flowers from me.

Happy birthday

Exactly. No point being nartyrish about it.

YANBU to feel upset. As far as your partner offering to take you out to get some flowers I’d make it clear to him that this is too late in the day and he should have thought of that already- next year he must do better. Then go and buy yourself some nice flowers and some chocolate (and don’t share the chocolates with him)!

Happy birthday! Is there anything you could treat yourself with? I know it’s not the same but it feels empowering to take control of the situation when people let you down like this, maybe get something you’ve had your eye on but have felt guilty about buying?

How can close family be so hurtful and thoughtless? It’s so mean, especially when you weren’t well. I feel for you OP. When you’re fit enough, spoil yourself and treat yourself to something nice on a regular basis. I would also speak to your Mum and partner and let them know how hurt you were. I bet they would be hurt if you treated them like this.

Sorry you haven't had a great day x

Surely because she feels really crap that he hasn't bothered to do anything?

Happy birthday OP. I do think you should tell your husband off for being so crap. And your mum! What was she thinking just taking him out on your birthday without seeing if you wanted to spend time with him!

Happy birthday op x

Make it loud and clear to your partner and mother how sad it’s made you being by passed on your birthday especially on top of being in hospital.

Unless you say it plain and simple to your partner he won’t change.

Happy birthday 🥳

It's shit when you feel like that. Sending birthday greetings from Glasgow and I really hope that your day improves ❤️

But she's feeling rubbish anyway. Why not go out and make the best of it?

Happy Birthday 🥳 🤗 🧁I totally understand why you are upset and your partner suggesting you go and choose flowers is abit late in the day!

Happy Birthday !!!

its shit, I’ve had it too and it’s worse for you having just come out of hospital, being a bit skint and generally understandably pissed off.
Has this been the case other birthdays? If not let EVERYONE know you are disappointed - maybe suggest to Dp that next weekend when you’re feeling brighter you’d like an unbirthday and a nice dinner (out or in depending on finances) and some flowers then.
If it’s often been like this then, next year in the build up to your birthday get yourself some treats and at least live yourself x
Having said that, gifts are no representation of love - my ex would either go big or nothing at all whereas my
lovely dp is admittedly terrible at gifts and I either have to literally tell him what I want or run the risk of nothing or a really unususl
gift such as a sideboard or a new garden gate.

Oh that's really shit! I'd spell it out loud and clear to them how they've made you feel.
I'd be ordering myself a takeaway (and flowers if you can stretch to it) and fuck them all.
Happy birthday

Happy birthday, Love.
When you can get out, you treat yourself to something you would like, however small. Something you would not normally buy.

Right, now you make sure this does not happen again.
It's bloody awful that some men need telling, but next year you tell him, loud and clear for a few weeks before,'On my birthday, on the 6th, I would like to do this, you arrange it, and I would really like to have this or this for my present'.

Christmas time, you say ' Let's choose our presents. I would like something from this list, where is your list?' Then, 'How are you getting on with your christmas shopping'. ad infinitum. It's not optional. Even if you have to lead him to the counter or web page, he will bloody do it.

You are worthy of a birthday treat, however small your budget, and now it feels flat because he has not bothered.
It's not pushy, it is slightly unromantic, but hopefully he will work it out for himself eventually, and you will not have to do anything other than hint at something you like.

Happy Birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊 🍾

Treat yourself to something nice xxx

YANBU to feel upset but tbh if you’ve been in hospital for a week then it was probably the last thing on everyone’s minds.

Tell your DH how you’re feeling and ask him to make it up to you by cooking your favourite meal or getting takeaway and running you a bath or something.

Happy birthday 🥳

I’m sorry you’ve been unwell but you sound like you enjoy having a moan.

Your mum has sent you a happy birthday text and is looking after your non verbal autistic son overnight and today, and you’re still not happy?

You don’t have to sit in front of the TV and whinge. You could make better use of your time and if you want to go out for lunch or even for an ice-cream, you could have told you partner when he suggested you go out together to buy flowers.

If you choose to make others guess what you’re thinking, you’re going to spend a lot of time feeling miserable.

That's a shame. And I'm sorry you've had health issues. I really hope you can be assertive to your husband/mum/sister and say, right, obviously we didn't do anything on my birthday, so I'd love us to go to xyz meal/day out/show etc. you can even send them links to the booking of said event. You deserve something nice. Give them a thorough nudge.

Happy Birthday xxx

MessyHouseHappyHouse · Today 16:11
I’m sorry you’ve been unwell but you sound like you enjoy having a moan.

Your mum has sent you a happy birthday text and is looking after your non verbal autistic son overnight and today, and you’re still not happy?

You don’t have to sit in front of the TV and whinge. You could make better use of your time and if you want to go out for lunch or even for an ice-cream, you could have told you partner when he suggested you go out together to buy flowers.

If you choose to make others guess what you’re thinking, you’re going to spend a lot of time feeling miserable.

And another male apologist.
It's the fact that he did not bother himself, followed by an 'oh, Ok we can...'
I bet OP bothers with his birthday!

My mother would not have traded babysitting for a card. (I would have had a present, too, but realise that is a privelege.)
It's crap.

Absolutely not unreasonable to feel sad about this. I'd be asking your relatives to think how'd they feel if no one bothered on their birthday and how unappreciated they'd most certainly feel.
I hate birthdays- I'm trying to reprogramme my brain so I celebrate that I made it to another year but I struggle with the passage of time. But even I'd be really upset if everyone just made minimum effort.
Happy birthday op. I am sending lots of birthday wishes for a brilliant last year of your twenties. 30 isn't as bad as you think it is.

🎉🎈🎂🎉🎈🎂🎉🎈🎂🎉🎈🎂
.............Happy Birthday!
🎉🎂🎈🎉🎂🎈🎉🎂🎈🎉🎂🎈