Thinking about leaving DP

[Moonpie6]

I've just had enough. I'm bossy so I've been told. I do nag him to pick his clothes up off the floor or to do the dishes after himself, take the bins out etc.

I do all aspects of our home life from painting and decorating to paying the bills. I'm resentful over it as I don't have any energy left to see my friends or go get my hair done. I'm on the go daily from 7ish am to 9ish pm.

I don't get any I love you or affection. Doesn't ask about my day. When we argue he never apologises and laughs.

Tonight I asked him to take the bin out and he flipped out as he had just done a 13 hour day and wanted to watch the football. I asked him to pause it to take the bin. He said no and took a packet of crisp from the cupboard.

When he sat down I took the crisp from him saying I paid for them (we do joke in this sort of way like I hide his PlayStation remote control or when he's lieing down on the couch I will take his socks off if his feet are on me.) He said it was bad mannered so I gave them him back he then proceeded to scream at me "f..King take them then" and flung them across the room.

He does lose his temper like this when pushed to the point of no return (he's usually very laid back) and I just can't justify living here anymore. I'm not happy and we argue alot. I don't want to have my gorgeous cat in a war zone and I think we woke the baby up next door who is now crying. My DP said I did anyway.

I keep looking at my cat and feel so guilty. He's now asleep and is up at 5am for work.

Just leave him then, it doesn't sound like you have any children together, he clearly doesn't make you happy, so just end it and stop wasting your life on this guy, who is clearly not the one for you.

Can you give us a list of the good points to compare?

You mention your cat before your child. very odd. This is such a toxic environment. You should leave, the resentment will eat you up. You already do everything on your own, not having him there will be a relief.

Ditch him. Lazy bastard. You are better off with your cat. Don't you just hate men who use the word nag to abdicate all responsibility for adult chores.

Massive overreaction on his part but taking his crisps was never going to be funny when you were already pissy with each other.

They woke up next door’s DC.

Sounds like he went from 0-60 screaming because you took a packet of crisps.

He does nothing around the house, treats you like a skivvy and won't even put out the bins. Pushed to the point of no return over a packet of crisps?

I wouldn't put up with any of it OP.

ahh i see,thanks

Sorry we don't have children. Been together 10 years.

One pp said about doing things when needed and my being controlling.

I'm not but I've been cleaning and working and doing laundry since 8am. It was now 7pm and I just wanted to sit down with it being Friday night.

I needed the bin taking out as I wanted to clean it. I was in the middle of doing the dishes so couldn't do it myself. I'd prepared and cooked tea too.

He made reference to my working from home and his job isn't as easy. He's a police officer for what it's worth.

I get he works harder. But I'm tired and just wanted to go get a bath.

Assuming you don't have kids - LTB

Also I'm semi disabled in my arm so can't lift heavy stuff esp when my arm is tired or been overused.

I don't know where to go if I do. Its just the not apologising and blaming me after an argument that i hate.

You'll be tons happier living alone, believe me (it's great living alone!) Your cat will be happier too.

Sounds like you are both making one another miserable. Do you own or rent? Do you work ft?

Time to start thinking about what single life would look like.

I'd leave. You sound mismatched and as though you bring out the worst in each other.

This is not a big deal. I'm not 'semi disabled' and also can't lift heavy weights. I get men friends or a handyman round to do heavy stuff I can't do.

And his inability to do the simplest of domestic chores.

I honestly do try to do everything myself but I'd been doing the gardening the day before and my arm had gave up the goat.

Are you questioning if there are any good points or whether or not it counteracts this unacceptable behaviour?

Because I cannot imagine anything that could justify what a pig he is to OP, no one should have to live on egg shells.

It was Friday night. End of the week and it sounds like he wanted to chill.

I think there's a communication problem between you.

You're resentful over things that are within your control to an extent. You need to make the time to see your frie of your want to. That's not hos fault and you need to take responsibility for managing your time.

With regards to his clothes on the floor. Stop saying anything. Leave them right there and he can deal with them. He's not a child. Let him be responsible for his clothing. He's a grown up man, with a responsible job as a police officer. He can do it. You need to back off and stop nagging. If his clothes pile up and are dirty, that's his problem.

If getting your hair done is important enough for you, you would find the time. You're prioritising other things in your life to your own detriment.

The lack of love and affection is a different issue. I'm assuming this was present on the marriage at one point?...As well as him caring to ask how your day was?
I ask because, a lot of the time people complain about these type of things and they were never a feature in the relationship.

You mention that he doesn't give any affection to you. Do you give him affection? Do you ask how his day was? Do you show him love, care and kindness?

These things are a 2 way street. He needs to know and understand how you feel about the lack of affection. He needs to know you're not happy. Chances are he's not happy either.

If you feel the marriage is beyond saving and have had enough, then you can disregard all the above.

From what you said, it doesn't sound like he's a bad person. You guys just need to get to the root of the issues and seek some professional support, if you want things to work.

If I'd just walked in from a 13hr shift as a police officer, collapsed on sofa in front of the Euros which I'd been looking forward to all day, and then I was asked to stop the TV and take the bin out, and then you took my crisps from me like I was a naughty child, I'd be peed off too.
Maybe give him a break immediately after work - at least judge your timings more sympathetically.

I can’t believe there is quite so much housework when there are only two of you that stops you from getting your hair done! If you had kids yes - they are messy demanding etc etc. but there are only the two of you.
book yourself a hair appointment…everything in the house will get done. Stop worrying and focussing on the wrong things.

It was the first day of his shift pattern today. When he came home he went for a shower and sat on the couch whilst I prepared tea, we ate and then I did the dishes. It was when he was scraping his food into the bin I asked him to pick it up and take it out.

At the end of the day I really don't think I'm unreasonable asking him to take the bin out.

I shouldn't have took the Crisp but I did really mean it as a joke in our usual way.