Thinking about leaving DP

[Moonpie6]

I've just had enough. I'm bossy so I've been told. I do nag him to pick his clothes up off the floor or to do the dishes after himself, take the bins out etc.

I do all aspects of our home life from painting and decorating to paying the bills. I'm resentful over it as I don't have any energy left to see my friends or go get my hair done. I'm on the go daily from 7ish am to 9ish pm.

I don't get any I love you or affection. Doesn't ask about my day. When we argue he never apologises and laughs.

Tonight I asked him to take the bin out and he flipped out as he had just done a 13 hour day and wanted to watch the football. I asked him to pause it to take the bin. He said no and took a packet of crisp from the cupboard.

When he sat down I took the crisp from him saying I paid for them (we do joke in this sort of way like I hide his PlayStation remote control or when he's lieing down on the couch I will take his socks off if his feet are on me.) He said it was bad mannered so I gave them him back he then proceeded to scream at me "f..King take them then" and flung them across the room.

He does lose his temper like this when pushed to the point of no return (he's usually very laid back) and I just can't justify living here anymore. I'm not happy and we argue alot. I don't want to have my gorgeous cat in a war zone and I think we woke the baby up next door who is now crying. My DP said I did anyway.

Hah, you beat me to it! 😆

Honestly if DH started nagging me to take the bin out on a Friday (obviously Saturday isn’t bin day) and doing things like hiding the PlayStation control and taking crisps off me, I’d be quite pissed off too.

You’ve literally said “I don’t like him” so it’s time to move on.

How are the 2 of you creating that much mess that you never get a rest due to the amount of housework you have to do? I’m a single mum of 3 l, I work and manage to keep my house clean and tidy without spending 12 hours a day working/cleaning!
He sounds like a twat for his reaction but you sound very immature

Would be interested for OP to clarify what her 12 hour day consists of but - and I’m just guessing here - perhaps they work 8-9 hours a day and the remaining 3 hours are split between washing the dishes from breakfast & lunch (as she is WFH), cooking dinner, then doing more dishes and cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and any cat duties? So I guess it’s not so OTT if you break it down like that.

But if it is just general house cleaning for 3-4 hours daily that does sound a bit excessive.

This. I love football too-the Euros are special to those who enjoy it.
I also think you have a communication problem. In addition to that, you need to be able to resolve conflict maturely. How couples resolve conflict is indicative of how they feel and respect one another in general and it's so important to a successful relationship. I speak from experience and am twice divorced. The cat will be fine whatever you decide-but it's detrimental to any animal to have to live with conflict.

He sounds emotionally controlling.

I also would leave him, lots of men aren't like that OP, my husband in the 25 years together, through 3 kids and stressful jobs on both sides, has never called me names or lazy. We talk to each other with respect. Sounds like your husband isn't a kind person.

I will be leaving him.

If you're both working most of the day and don't have children then why are you busy cleaning for hours everyday? You don't need to. Just sit down.

This, if he's out doing long police shifts, and you're working 12 hrs a day 6 days a week, why so much mess?! Do you have diagnosed ocd?

If you both work full time household chores should be split and you should both have your responsibilities. You shouldn't need to ask him!

Equally if emptying the bin is his job he should be able to do it on his terms.

Have you considered that of you have different expectations of the standards within the house that maybe you are not compatible?

his not pulling his weight with domestic work, in general, and treatment of you seem good reasons to leave.

Good decision, OP!

The main point here is you don’t like him and he doesn’t do his share. Leaving sounds right and you’re definitely not being unreasonable. But last night at 7 was Spain and Germany- a really big game and was looking like penalties. I think it doesn’t do any harm to tune into the things that are important to your partner. You could have waited until the game was finished.

Good. He sounds like a cunt. And a police officer to, quelle surprise.

I work 12 hour days 6 days a week doing all chores, my job etc.

So this 12 hours includes chores at home AND your job?

My days off centre around domestic stuff.

You mean the one day a week you don't work?

He won't even help me with the food shopping so I go alone. Then have to struggle with the bags an my arm.

It doesn't add up that you claim he won't allow you to get shopping delivered, yet you have the mouth to tell him (nag him in your words) to pick his clothes up from the floor, to ask him to empty the bin while he was watching TV and take his crisps off him... that you paid for.

The shopping you pay for, yet you can't get it delivered because of him. What difference would a home delivery make to him?

I'm very sceptical about your claims. Too much doesn't pass the sniff test IMO and you're unable to explain when it's brought to your attention.

I see you've decided to leave. Good!

Out of interest what housework / chores you do all day when you don’t have kids that keeps you busy from 7-9? If you’re wfh and he’s a police officer (and so out most days) I’d expect you to do the housework but also for it to be minimal.

This too
how much laundry is there for two people?
why can’t you do easy teas or minimal prep/ready meal type dinners sometimes?
I work full time and do everything alone for my 3dc and still feel like I’ve got some down time for leisure and my own stuff.

having said that, if you’re arguing a lot and he’s not making you happy then you should leave if you don’t think it can be saved

He should definitely be pitching in with housework or cooking on his days off, I don’t know how shift patterns work for police officers but if it’s like 4 on and 3 off for example he should still be able to contribute on this 3 days off.

Additionally he shouldn’t be leaving clothes about whether he is working that day or not. There’s housework and there’s just basic cleaning up your mess as you go along - both are important when you live with someone. I think he should do his own laundry too.

You both sound miserable. Life's too short.

Who cares about your ‘sniff test’? Take a poster at face value.

Reads like you've dealing with an actual child.

You sound like Mr and Mrs Twit.

You don't sound like you love each other. You sound like you hate each other.

Split up and both go and find some joy.

How many hours a day are you in paid employment and how many do you spend cooking/cleaning?

How much cleaning and laundry can 2 grown ass adults have on a daily basis?? You sound bossy, I wouldnt be happy if I was getting told when to take the bin out after a 13 hour day. But obviously if the usual is that he leaves everything to you, why the fuck are you doing it? As if people should sit and do daily chores all hours a day (which seems odd for 2 people without children) instead of socialising and enjoying life a little too. You 2 are no good for each other at all.