Thinking about leaving DP

[Moonpie6]

I've just had enough. I'm bossy so I've been told. I do nag him to pick his clothes up off the floor or to do the dishes after himself, take the bins out etc.

I do all aspects of our home life from painting and decorating to paying the bills. I'm resentful over it as I don't have any energy left to see my friends or go get my hair done. I'm on the go daily from 7ish am to 9ish pm.

I don't get any I love you or affection. Doesn't ask about my day. When we argue he never apologises and laughs.

Tonight I asked him to take the bin out and he flipped out as he had just done a 13 hour day and wanted to watch the football. I asked him to pause it to take the bin. He said no and took a packet of crisp from the cupboard.

When he sat down I took the crisp from him saying I paid for them (we do joke in this sort of way like I hide his PlayStation remote control or when he's lieing down on the couch I will take his socks off if his feet are on me.) He said it was bad mannered so I gave them him back he then proceeded to scream at me "f..King take them then" and flung them across the room.

He does lose his temper like this when pushed to the point of no return (he's usually very laid back) and I just can't justify living here anymore. I'm not happy and we argue alot. I don't want to have my gorgeous cat in a war zone and I think we woke the baby up next door who is now crying. My DP said I did anyway.

Report it then.

I think that's very sensible. My friends are praying their SIL will bugger off he's so nasty to them as well as their daughter.

I think some police officers are damaged or damaged men go into the police.

Son in law not sister in law. Bally auto correct #@Moonpie6 sorry

What do you mean it doesn't pass the sniff test?

Its my life??

He is very very untidy and dirty. He has 3 showers a day and I'm not kidding. He constantly has Toothpaste up the sink and tiles.

He leaves the hob with all greasy fat on every day. By the time I've finished the house I have to start again because he's the way he is.

I do about 3 loads of dishes a day. I clean the kitchen sink about twice a day because of his protein drinks. .

I do his ironing. Everything. I suppose what I should have said when I say cleaning I mean to include doing the gardens and decorating. I work 8 until 6 then spend the evening cooking tea and continuing to clean.

I do get the food shop delivered at times but mostly not because he calls me lazy and I cba getting into an argument if I bit back.

Oh god really. Sorry to hear that. X

This is it in a nutshell thank you x

He's a slob living a bachelor life. Does he go to the gym?

I hide the control messing about. It's just our thing. He does find it funny. But I must have wound up too far when I took the Crisp.

Yep daily.

My neighbours have commented on him not doing anything. One is my next door neighbour who I know v well and talk to. But one is up the road when I was painting the fence in the front. You see I'm always doing stuff.

Sounds like you’d both be happier without each other

I'm glad to hear it. Now you need to sit quietly and make your exit plan. Take the time you need to 'get it right'.

On a practical level separating finances and splitting a joint account shouldn't be a problem, you open your own account and direct your salary to it and remove your share from the joint account and deposit it there. The house can be dealt with by either selling it or by him buying you out. Just know that you don't have to walk away from it with nothing.

Reach out to the people who care about you for support. I know you've said there will be 'hassle' from your family, but don't let that deter you. You really haven't mentioned friends, but if there are friends you've 'lost' along the way, consider whether or not it's because he's alienated them from you, or you from them. If so, reach out. I'm sure they've been hoping for the call saying you're leaving him.

BTW, police officers have one of the highest rates of domestic violence. Do you feel safe? Do you have any fear of the way he may react when you say you're leaving? If you do, say nothing until your plans are concrete and you are ready to go. And in the meantime, contact WA and ask for advice and help.

I agree. It's sad though because I did love him very much.

How come you turned into some man's skivvy OP?

The poor cat will need therapy.

Aw no thanks I'm perfectly safe. I know he lost his temper but he wouldn't hurt a fly. If he touched me I would hit him back, I'm not a wall flower.

I do have friends. None alienated. Everyone likes him and he is actually likeable and a nice person apart from this slobby inconsiderate size. He's just gone too far taking me for granted

Please don't say that because I love her more than anything like she's my child.

No idea. I just did.

You're worried about the effect this may have on your CAT? Is this a windup?

He sounds very unpleasant. I don't like how he won't let you order groceries bc "lazy" but then refuses to do it himself. He doesn't appreciate the work you do, you deserve better.

F

So what! Get your shopping delivered! Book your hair appointment! Leave him! Find happiness! Job done! 👍🏻

Is your DP 13? Because he acts it

Sounds like lots of good advice here, particularly regarding separating finances.
Shift work does play havoc with life and people's wellbeing but doesn't mean they have to be unpleasant to live with etc.
Good luck with moving forwards

He's not dirty if he's having 3 showers a day. How is he managing this when he's at work most of the day? 3 loads of dish washing and cleaning the sink twice a day when there's only 2 adults in the house? Stop doing his ironing. You sound crazy because we have 2 adults and a baby in our house and our house doesn't get nearly as dirty as yours seems to get.

So sell and split up. Why are you tolerating this situation? I agree with pp, your timing was poor, but why do you do everything? My DH is police too, but he does his fair share and if I think he should do more, then I might ask but usually with the rider of ‘when you have a minute’. Sounds like you’re doing the vast majority of the house related chores. What does he do bar work?