To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

[Eshmee]

So my little boy is 4. He's in foundation at school and is the youngest in his year. He struggles with regulating his emotions and sometimes when angry or upset will hit rather than use his words to explain what he wants or why he's upset. We have soent alot of time on this explaining how to vocalise what he wants but as I said, he's 4 and from all the parenting advice sites etc I gather that this is fairly normal behaviour for a child of his age.

Today when I collected him from school the teacher told me that whilst waiting in line for assembly he grabbed a teacher assistant by the arm quite hard as she was walking past and this was hard enough to leave a little red mark on her arm. His teacher told me that this teacher assistant is new and was quote shocked so instead of asking him what he needed she ignored him and carried om walking. My little boy was then removed from assembly a whllile later by a more senior teacher and was told off. She also asked him why he had done it but by this time he had forgotten. Whilst I understand that isnis never acceptable to grab, he tells me that he didn't know her name and that he wanted to walk with her to assembly.
When his class teacher was relaying all of this to me she made it sound like a had a violet thug for a son. AIBU to think she's made a big deal out of something small or do I need to crack down much harder on him?
Advice needed for a worried mum :(

Quite. I don't think they should have to at all but I was just saying as the OP clearly thinks it's okay for them to have one. It's about a week long punishment.

You are the ‘worried Mum’. Someone is a school member assaulted at work.

Teaching assistants are woefully underpaid imo but the answer to this is to raise pay so I don't get what this has to do with the OP's son.

Threatening physical violence is the lowest of the low behaviour. Says a lot about you.

This. I can’t believe how many people are defending this

someone pulls on me in school
and leaves a mark=I’ve been assaulted. As in the real world

Leaving a mark on an adults arm, isn’t normal for a reception child. Until you see the issue, I have a feeling your ds will continue to do the same thing.

Why should she be assaulted at work

If he left a mark on an adults arm, he could hurt a child of the same age quite easily.
This behaviour needs nipping in the bud and is probably one of the reasons why school are coming down hard about it. They have a duty to safeguard the other children in the class aswell.

🙄. There are reasons why 4yos aren't criminally responsible for their behaviour. Being hit by a young child is entirely different to being hit by an adult.

@Runnerinthenight

they do, but it’s not a race to the bottom.

Grabbing an adult hard enough to leave a mark simply to get attention, is what I would expect from a 2 year old not a four year old. It's not "violence" or "physical assault" or anything like that. but it's definately an indication that your child is struggling to learn acceptable ways of getting attention and maybe struggling to cope with learning communication in general. You and school need to be working hard to teach him better ways to communicate and help him use them. The bottom line is other kids are not going to be ok with this and neither should they be. Letting the behaviour continue will ensure that your "nasty kid" who the others avoid and leave out because they don't like his behaviour.

A 4 year old is not yet a violent thug, so that's you catastrophising the teacher relaying simple facts.

Insisting the school is making a big deal out of a small thing is more of a problem than anything else. You don't need to punish him, but have a chat with him again about it being inappropriate to grab and maintain a good relationship with the school so you're kept abreast of any issues.

Because that's a risk that comes with working with small children with limited emotional control?

@GoFigure235 I used to work with small children. I was never once assaulted.

@Eshmee

whst should you be doing?

logging off, having a drink, winding down for the weekend, not riding to the bait set by sanctimonious, twattish posters!!

he's 4, he grabbed her arm to get her attention. I would definitely NOT have punished him at home. I'd have explained he accidentally hurt her when grabbing her & that it's best not to try to get someone's attention like that, just call out 'excuse me' if you don't know her name.

the wet TA has caused all this fuss, if she'd just explained at the time that it hurt & please don't do it again & enquired as to what he wanted, it would have been over in a minute.

he grabbed her arm for attention, he didn't belt her because he was angry!!

@GoFigure235

But both are absolutely unacceptable.

The OP's DS has form for kicking or whacking (OP's words)...if my DC was on the receiving end I would be very pissed off.

@Melisha
neither has she. A very small child grabbed her arm to get her attention, that's not abuse FFS.

This.

Start parenting and stop trying to make excuses and blaming the staff.

Deal with the problem.

I would be concerned. It's not normal behaviour at that age and yes ypu need to be much harder on him or start looking at any patterns- this age ASD can be masked most of the time in school.

The best way forwards is to make an appointment with the Head, Head of Year and his main teachers- and ask to discuss and how cou can work TOGETHER to support him. Denying the reality and seriousness of the issues is NOT going to help him, or you eventually, at all.

Sadly it sounds like he may have some behaviourial issues and they need to be properly addressed by you and the school before they worsen or are entrenched. Do not take a blinkered - 'oh he's just a little boy' - approach or you will be storing up problems. It's good you are concerned and aware, but don't end up becoming defensive.

You have been very fortunate.

*He struggles with regulating his emotions and sometimes when angry or upset will hit rather than use his words to explain what he wants or why he's upset. We have soent alot of time on this explaining how to vocalise what he wants but as I said, he's 4 and from all the parenting advice sites etc I gather that this is fairly normal behaviour for a child of his age"

Its not typical at 4 to hit unless in an extremely pressured/rare situation.

From my circle of people I know in teaching or early years there is a huge problem with parents who constantly minimise their child’s behaviour. If they are speaking to you on a few occasions please remember that they don’t need to discuss a child’s behaviour with most of the other parents. Your child is surrounded all day long by their peers and if you are being spoken to about behaviour then that means their behaviour is standing out negatively.

You can tell yourself that they can’t fully regulate themselves until 7 which is true but the majority of kids have stopped lashing out in anger in places like school or preschool by the time they are 4.

Look I know from my friend that it’s hard being the parent that the teacher is always trying to catch for a chat at drop off or collection. It’s the same one or two parents that get spoken to every time. Some kids genuinely do mature a bit slower but a parent needs to be aware of these things because for some kids a red flag.