Invited to a sparrow's lunch

[FluentRubyDog]

Having recently had a baby, I made friends with a neighbouring mom. We went together to vote today and she invited me over for lunch. We'll... lesson learned.

The lunch consisted of a kraft cheese slice between 2 slices of bread, crustless and cut in two between us, 5 grapes each, a custard cream and a cup of tea that just about reached middle of a cup to a generous eye.

She's categorically NOT struggling with money. Fridge was in the full view and well stocked. Looking at her you'd never guess she's sparrow minded when it comes to food. We both EBF.

Why then invite me to lunch? I don't even know how to reciprocate without either causing offence or spending 2 hours chatting, starving and trying to breastfeed? Was she trying to get a point across???

@Rondel She’s been hospitalised on several occasions since.

Your husband must be feeling awful. How sad.

It is a myth, certainly when it comes to hospitality.

I doubt it’s because she has an eating disorder. Most people with eds are aware their eating habits are unusual. They are very unlikely to invite someone over for lunch and serve them such a small meal. If anything they would be more likely to give you way too much to eat.
I think the most likely scenarios are that she realised too late she didn’t have enough food in, she forgot to go shopping, her grocery delivery got cancelled or something, she forgot you were coming or she’s just a bit of an oddball.

Why would DH feel awful? This happened in 1997, and it was a mildly embarrassing moment with someone neither of us knew at that point had disordered eating. Like the OP, it was the first time she’s invited us for a meal. As far as DH was concerned it was a social misunderstanding. My friend wasn’t hospitalised for the first time until about 2015.

You made it sound like his comment put her there. I know you didn't mean it to be such, but it was very funny how it was written.

I don't see anything wrong here. Maybe she just asked you on the spur of the moment because she wanted to be friends. That may well be her usual lunch rather than a "guest" lunch. I once invited a new acquaintance to lunch after picking our kids up from playgroup. We had beans on toast. She laughed about it years later - we knew from the very start that we were meant to be pals!

I would not invite someone for lunch if I could not even give them a full sandwich. OP does not have high requirements. A complete sandwich is a pretty basic ask.

It really didn’t. You clearly know nothing about eating disorders.

Sparrow's lunch😂😂😂 love it

I eat small portions but this very odd. Plastic cheese in a sandwich?

Why on earth didn't you discuss it with her?

This. I'd make a generous spread of sandwiches with various fillings, olives, pickles etc. If she eats like a lord at your place then I'd assume she's a bit stingy. If she eats like a bird then she might have a different take on lunch or portion sizes. 😂

I have a friend who would just eat tiny portion sizes but she always makes an amazing sandwich platter if I have lunch at hers, normally with a quiche, crisps and pickles. She happily watches me scarf the lot, as she knows how much I like her lunches. 😊

Who knows. She may well have had a massive elevenses, Paddington style, and didn't realise/think you might be starving (or didn't want to look glutton in front of another mum).

Mock away but no adult I know would serve up a sliced white pan to a guest that they INVITED over for a meal.

When you invite guests for dinner what do you give them? Frozen waffles and spaghetti hoops? A ready meal from your local convenience store?

Jeez , can’t believe some of this.

a WHOLE sandwich, if nothing else, is not too much to expect to offer someone for lunch.

Next time she invites you maybe bring some biscuits around

Yes agree. I have an eating disorder. I happily cook for my family, enjoy food shopping, reading food mags and watching cookery shows. Food takes up quite a lot of time and headspace. But i never eat with anyone else, and my own diet is very restricted.
It affects different people in many different ways.

Eat before you go is a good tip.
Leave a teeny bit of room.

Not here they don't. We only get the plastic sort.

I'm not one of the middle class mummies of Mumsnet, but I'd be astonished to be served a Kraft cheese slice sandwich of any size, by anyone I know. They're strictly burger fare (and I don't even have them in that situation).

Totally agree . . . there are so many lovely cheeses available although the Junior KnitnNatterers LOVE a babybel!

One of my friends gave us a lovely ploughmans lunch recently . . . it was simple but generous and she was able to put it out on the table really quickly. Two cheeses, sourdough bread, apples, grapes, chutney, pickle and some naice crisps. Everyone was able to help themselves to what they wanted. That's got to be better than half a plastic cheese sandwich

I don't see anything wrong here.

Sorry, but I do. If I didn't have enough food in the house I would not invite someone for a meal. We often host other people and wouldn't dream of offering such a stingy "meal".

Then she has an eating disorder if she thinks a whole sandwich would make her look like a glutton.

That's not great but some people aren't confident hosts. Invite her back and do your normal type of lunch, she might get some tips for the future.

Unless she is very socially unaware it’s rude to subject the OP to such poor hospitality. The OP could have had her lunch elsewhere but instead had to sit through being a hungry but gracious guest.

That's kind of what I might have for lunch without the biscuit. But I wouldn't expect other people to eat like that...

I think this suggestion is great

I had the reverse situation . . . I come from a very large family and was used to catering for quite a few people. The first time I had a friend round I put a big spread out on the table and she asked me how many other people were coming to lunch!

By seeing how much food other people offer, I have been able to gauge better how much food to put out. I struggled initially with only offering a small selection . . . what would happen if they don't like what I've given them? But I've gradually grown more confident, thanks to learning from my friends