To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

[YourRubyBee]

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

What an utterly depressing yet not at all surprising thread.

Another desperate woman making terrible choices just to have a boyfriend.

Be a better role model for your daughters, please.

I don’t want a pile on @YourRubyBee but I just don’t understand how you thought this was a good idea. It’s really peculiar.

Yes he cooked for me all the time, cleaned up after himself afterwards etc. He has worked yes.

YABU for asking if YABU. Chuck the loser out.
Don't have such low standards in the future.

He will be in his best behaviour at the moment having just moved on with you…

Right you've made a mistake, but it's only been a few days. No big damage caused. Kick him out, tell him it doesn't work for you, any of it.

He sounds like an idiot, 26 and living off inheritance. That money should be going towards something not being flittered away.

Your teenage girls are very vulnerable with him in the house too and I would not be one bit comfortable with it

Exactly!! What's with these women on here who bring these men into their kids lives and dumps him on them. Selfish!

Why on earth are you moving a man into your CHILDREN’s home after just a year?! And not just any man, but a ridiculous man-child.

Get him gone and re-think your whole approach to this. You’re allowed to date obviously but why so quick to move someone in to your children’s home.

Op you’re right people can be so utterly horrible on this site. Imagine you’re having a shit evening, I feel for you

Yabu for setting such a poor example to your daughters. You have girls, and this is what you choose to do. A 26yo, really? Actually a 25yo is who you thought to move into your home when you have teenage girls. I despair.

So when are you going to tell him to leave?

Unbelievable. Literally.

@YourRubyBee A skilled joiner should be rushed off his feet with work.
I wonder if he’s not as good as he could be OR he’s waiting for his parents to die so he can get their inheritance.
@YourRubyBee
As he already has had an inheritance why hasn’t he bought property with it?
No need , obviously, as you are a mummy figure looking after her man child.
He sounds awful.

He’ll probably be closer to them in age and feel like one of the children.

It happens when man is younger than his partner.

@YourRubyBee I’m sorry this is your very first AIBU and you got pilled on

hopefully some of the comments around red flags and don’t do this have given you some confidence on what you need to do

Not only would I be worried about the poor example you're setting your daughters, but actually quite suspicious of his motives. Moving in with teenage girls while he is 26? 🤔

So, you can admit you made a stupid move. Please don't compound it by letting him stay there. Sending him back to his mommy and daddy's house and reclaiming your house and your freedom is being very smart.

He is very immature, and living off his inheritance shows this immaturity. At some point, it will run out, and he'll have to be waiting around for his parent's to die to continue his lifestyle.

I'm sorry you are getting blasted, but I think many were just shocked at his behavior and the fact that you let it go on. Enjoy your new home with your teens. I hope they have some great ideas for making their room(s) theirs.

Best of luck and happiness to the three of you.

Did you discuss and agree financial contributions and division of domestic chores before moving in together? It somehow sounds like he's a wealthy cock lodger - that he's contributing financially but in return expecting to treat the place like a hotel with you being his room service. Or maybe he's just got really bad exhaustion and hangover from the holiday, but that's starting to getting a bit beyond reasonable after 4 days...

Op good on you that you posted here asking about this predicament you are in. It’s very helpful to have 8 million (?) readers see
your post and answer. You are new to MN. You have tapped a the very core of MN who hate cocklodgers of any age and frankly are quite good at tracking the traits and calling it out. The youth the inheritance the fabulous lifestyle were and are very nice but you need to read think listen and consider these concerns readers have expressed about being premature with living together and putting your young teens lives first and looking for more in a partner. Start reading posts daily….so so many women posting about unhelpful lazy financially irresponsible partners. Op I’m 30 yrs older than you so I am going to say this…a man 8 yrs younger than you is not the partner you need in life. The age difference matters very much. think about the future of yourself and your girls. Move him right back out with some chicken noodle soup in case he is really sick but still move him out

Unless you are looking for another child (him), or a cocklodger, move him out.
Adults adult when adulting is required. He is not an adult.

Sounds like the Cocklodger has been spoiled by his family.
If his parents have indulged him, why on earth should he work?

He can be a dilettante and loll around while Mummy number 2 cooks and cleans, toils and moils-
It could be ages before his parents die leaving him
what he clearly thinks of is his due.

If he’s a skilled joiner he needs to find a workshop and get busy!

Tbh I’m similar age to OP, and I’d feel quite maternal/big sisterly to a 26 year old man. I don’t even have friends that young let alone partners.

Most men are less mature than a woman of their same age, so I couldn’t imagine being with a 26 year old. They just seem very boyish to me. There are many exceptions of course but this man doesn’t seem to be one of them!

This one may be particularly lazy (ugh where’s his sense of ambition and motivation to work ?!) but let’s face it, even the more industrious 26 year olds who are living in their parents doing minimal housework, aren’t going to jump at the chance of taking the joint lead as the other adult in the house,
cleaning up after two teenagers and all the other household duties.

This was never going to work. He needs to find a job and a woman at a more similar stage of life to him. Maybe someone slightly younger than him, with no kids and less established - this will maybe force him to build with her instead of expecting someone to mother him as I suspect he’s probably doing when he goes with older women.

This relationship isn’t good for either of them and it would end in resentment on both sides the longer it continues.

You have been stupid, OP. From one stupid person to another. The good news is that being stupid is not terminal. Time to boot him out.

I can't believe you'd allow a man like that to live with your 16 year old daughter. Don't you realise there's a similar gap between the two of them, as the two of you? It's not a responsible parental figure, it's almost a peer. Very bad.

I see that you realise this now. MN can be biting but whenever I've had my arse handed to me I've been glad of it, after the initial sting. I hope that in months to come you're glad of it too. It is not too late. Tell him you've made a mistake and ask him to leave. Apologise to daughters. Enjoy new house!

Oh op, the very best thing you can do is make your big mistake only 3 days long. By the time his inheritance and his parents patience runs out this man will be mid30s with very little going for him, and you do not want to be there to pick up the pieces. Send him back. Say 3 days of doing fuck all has shown you this is a mistake and off you fuck please.