Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

[Canttakemuchmoreofthis1]

It was me who left. It was for various things, the first one being stalling on commitment.
The second was that he was quite critical of me, like I'd get a new haircut and he'd burst out laughing and say it looked like (insert X cartoon character)
Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one.
I felt like the cooking thing was a huge deal for him.
Our tenancy was ending soon and he seemed hesitant about us finding a new place to live.
Or on several occasions, he'd go out all night and not even tell me he'd gone out, I'd just come back to an empty flat.
He heavily berated me when he found out I had 1.5k of credit card debt, even though I was managing to pay it. He also told his parents something about my credit which I really didn't like.
I'm trying to justify why I left, but the main one was that I didn't feel I was his 'one" and that he was quite critical of me even though I did so much for him.
He really wanted me to be an avid reader. I do read, but I'm much more into non-fiction, I'm not massively into literature. I'm 'book-smart' I guess you could say, but I am just not someone who constantly reads novels sadly.

We stayed friends. We would still message all the time, he seemed upset at first but I wouldn't say he tried to win me back. I often felt I'd made a mistake, we had so many wonderful times together. We spent 5 hours together the other week.
I guess it was strange to still speak to your ex every day.. anyway, despite being the one to message me last, he's ghosted me. Just stopped reading and replying to my messages.
I am devastated.. I still regret the break up, we were together a long time. I'm 34 soon and I panicked.
But I didn't expect this. Everyone said I'd done the right thing leaving, but I still hoped we could work it out.

Did you do a post ages ago about the whole sauces thing? It sounds familiar?
Anyway he sounds like an utter wanker who did a number on your self esteem. Ghosting you will do you a favour I wouldn't waste any more time on him. Presumably he's met someone else by now.

But why send me a load of jokey messages, accept a meal from me etc and then suddenly ghost?

I know you love him and that makes the idea of not being with him painful but love is worthless if you are not being treated well.

Well yes-it's hard to understand how someone could love someone who doesn't treat them well.

Yep exactly this.

It’s the “ripping the plaster off” analogy really.

He sounds like an abusive twat and you sound like a giddy 16 year old trying to analyse everything.

ghosting you is possibly the one good turn he’s done you!

move on and be with someone that treats you with respect and dignity

It hurts to be blocked. Even if you don't like someone, it's a proper kick to your ego. And you love this guy. But, it is for the best. All your reasons for ending it are very valid. He's just managed to have the last word without actually saying anything.

That is absolutely mental

The obvious answers OP are

1. He’s bored of it now
2. He’s moved on and found somebody else to text and see

You’ll never know which one it is, don’t torture yourself thinking about it. What matters is it is done, it’s time to move on

I have empathy for you Op and hear how hurt you are - I think people are being tactless here - but the truth is any outside can see this wasn't a healthy situation to stay in.

And you only get one life - stop waiting around and feeling hurt still about a guy you - rightly - ended a relationship with - and move on.

I refuse to believe you are 34 the way you have been posting. You sound like a love sick 18 year old. You left, he isn’t right for you, move on! Why on earth have you been texting for 8 months

”why send me jokey messages and accept to go out for dinner then block me” you both sound like teens

Op he sounds awful - you deserve better. It doesn’t matter that you ended things with him - it was never going to work. He would have never committed to you and he would have continued to mock you and erode your confidence. You have done yourself a huge favour in finishing things with him. The mistake you have made is keeping in touch and trying to sort things out - he clearly doesn’t want to. Although it hurts it is better that he has done this - how long would you have gone on like this trying to make him want you and “work things out”? You deserve better than that - time to lick your wounds and find someone who respects you and treats you well.

99% sure he's met someone else

This.

If someone did this to me, I’d be off like a shot. That is seriously warped behaviour.

Because he could. He used you.

Please get some therapy as I feel something must have been lacking in your childhood for you to think you deserve this and that he's the best you can do.

I wonder if it was your plan and hope that you'd leave and scare him into proposing ..

This is a blessing in disguise. He’s showed you the person he is, believe him. He’s immature, selfish and controlling. You had a lovely time the other day probably because you bought him dinner and he didn’t have to even commit to paying for his own dinner. Wake up OP. This isn’t the man you want to be spend the rest of your life with, he’s the man you’d be spending the rest of your life trying to get rid of. Your gut was correct the first time.

Apologies if I sound blunt OP
but everyone here is giving you the same answers and advice
you keep asking the same questions over and over and over again.

He’s probably just got bored with you keep trying to sort things out and make it work.
He’s made it very plain to you that he doesn’t want to.

Look, you dumped him because he wouldn't commit and for the other reasons listed in your OP. He sounds like a prick and you can do better than him.
You've kept up texting and so on for months when really you would have been better off having a clean break.

You went out for a meal with him and then he ghosted you. Maybe at the meal he got signals from you that you wanted him back or whatever and that's not what he wants and so he decided he had to put a stop to it.
Maybe the whole thing hurts him a lot and he's realized that having contact with you is making it worse and preventing him from moving on.
Maybe he's met someone else.

I had to ghost and block my ex in the end (even though he was the one to end the relationship). He was behaving in a similar way to you - texting, phoning, chatting, wanting to go out from time to time - but he didn't want to commit to me or to have a relationship again. I felt like he wanted to keep me hanging around as a Plan B in case he couldn't find someone better. Maybe your ex is getting vibes like that from you, even if you don't think those are the vibes you are giving out.

TLDR: He's done you a favour. You're better off without him and all this contact with him is preventing both of you from moving on with your lives.

You bought him dinner. He apologised to you and you dismissed his apology.

Why though?

Honestly? He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Laughing at your haircut? Hiding sauces? Divulging your personal financial situation to other people? What a creepy guy.

I'd block him myself and just not give him any more time. Any time spent on him is time not spent on finding someone who could be the one.

I definitely didn't want to just keep him round/plan b. I told him very clearly and plainly that I felt I had made a mistake and wanted to sort things.

I'm sure it's been said, but he sounds like an absolute cunt.

What are you doing to try and meet new people? At least you'll be spending a but less time texting this loser.

Oh for goodness’ sake. I’m bored of this now so will stop reading. There is no way you’re a 30+ year old woman the way you’re carrying on. You sound absolutely pathetic.

Pretty much everyone on here is cheering you leaving him and encouraging you looking to your future and getting what you want. But you’re too hung up on the loser you left who, quite frankly, hates you.

Get a grip love.

Look. He doesn't want to sort things now as for him they are sorted. He doesn't want you. You can't have him. He doesn't want to be you. You need to twork on why you want him!

But why would you want to get back with someone who you clearly knew “you weren’t the one” for him? I know you said you tried to fix things but I don’t think you can because either you are the one, or you’re not. 🤷‍♀️

I know it’s upsetting but I think it’s for the best and you will see that one day in time.

He sounds very unpleasant, OP. Read up on emotional abuse. If abusers were unpleasant all of the time, their tactics wouldn't work. So he can do the Mr Nice Guy thing and reel you in, then return to his nasty, critical comments.

He may well be ghosting you so that you will beg him desperately to get back together. Please don't.

I haven’t read the full thread but I think it's obvious he has met someone else and decided to leave you in the past. Of course it will hurt like hell, you wanted him to fight for you, show you he cares etc but he isn't going to do that for whatever reason. The only thing you can do is give it time and with no contact you will eventually move on. It's a grief process and you've prolonged it by keeping in touch and hoping. In a month you will feel much better. Concentrate on doing fun things and seeing friends. I promise in a few weeks you'll be fine.