Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

[Canttakemuchmoreofthis1]

It was me who left. It was for various things, the first one being stalling on commitment.
The second was that he was quite critical of me, like I'd get a new haircut and he'd burst out laughing and say it looked like (insert X cartoon character)
Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one.
I felt like the cooking thing was a huge deal for him.
Our tenancy was ending soon and he seemed hesitant about us finding a new place to live.
Or on several occasions, he'd go out all night and not even tell me he'd gone out, I'd just come back to an empty flat.
He heavily berated me when he found out I had 1.5k of credit card debt, even though I was managing to pay it. He also told his parents something about my credit which I really didn't like.
I'm trying to justify why I left, but the main one was that I didn't feel I was his 'one" and that he was quite critical of me even though I did so much for him.
He really wanted me to be an avid reader. I do read, but I'm much more into non-fiction, I'm not massively into literature. I'm 'book-smart' I guess you could say, but I am just not someone who constantly reads novels sadly.

We stayed friends. We would still message all the time, he seemed upset at first but I wouldn't say he tried to win me back. I often felt I'd made a mistake, we had so many wonderful times together. We spent 5 hours together the other week.
I guess it was strange to still speak to your ex every day.. anyway, despite being the one to message me last, he's ghosted me. Just stopped reading and replying to my messages.
I am devastated.. I still regret the break up, we were together a long time. I'm 34 soon and I panicked.
But I didn't expect this. Everyone said I'd done the right thing leaving, but I still hoped we could work it out.

True, but we have both been texting continuously for 8 months after I left.

This behaviour is designed to confuse you. To have you wondering what the hell is going on. And to have you hoping he'll deign to appear in your life again and make it all better. He's doing this to control you. Focus on why you ended it and focus on yourself. He's a piece of shit you're better off without.

Exactly, and so after 8 months he has quite reasonably just had enough of it. It’s totally normal, it is not normal to continue daily communication with an ex when you’re not getting back together because he doesn’t want to

That's fair enough, but he was also initiating a lot of it. Not just me and him replying.

Okay… and now he’s done replying. It is totally normal, someone has to be the one to stop contact after a break up and he has decided it will be him, he is moving on, you should do the same

There's no law that says you must stop contact once you're no longer together. Plenty of people stay in touch.

Oh Op - get some therapy and move on. He made you feel like crap and you rightly ended it. sadly because of your own insecurities you couldn't quite let go.

he has done you a favour you were wasting your time hanging around with him - move on!!!

Yep, but your ex doesn’t

You are 34 - it isn't healthy to spend 8 months texting an ex. It's just not moving on.

there is a book that really helped me once - a long time ago!_ it was called 'it's called a break up because it's broken' - and there was a line I remember in it 'you won't find your new partner at your ex's house'

And there’s no law to say people have to stay in touch if they don’t want to
and he now doesn’t want to.

There's also no law for anyone to stay in touch with any of you. Let's hope it doesn't happen to you.

You keep saying you wanted to sort it out. How?

You wanted a future with him. He didn't want one with you. How do you sort that?

You sound bitter. It's understandable. But you can't always have your own way and you have to accept it.

It's over.

Lets hope what doesn’t happen to any of us OP? That our ex who we chose to separate from finally does us a favour and moves on after 8 months? It’s not a hardship, it’s a positive thing.

Agreed.

Omg

why are you so desperate to rekindle something with someone who from every example you’ve given has quite obviously treated you like shit!

I know you love him and that makes the idea of not being with him painful but love is worthless if you are not being treated well.

you deserve better than this and I don’t know why you can’t see that.

100% this. You need to change your breakup story. The narrative you tell yourself is so important. You dumped him because he treated you poorly, made you feel bad, and didn't make you feel like he was madly in love with you. Very valid reasons. You still cared about him and wanted to stay in touch but he's now decided it's not for him. He's the one who's lost out here. Not you. Reframe your story and start telling yourself the positive version of what actually happened. Listen to the How to get over your ex by Breakup coach Dorothy. It's helped me massively.

It doesn't matter though if it ever happened to me, because I wouldn't have an issue with not being in contact with an ex. Because they are ex! (Assuming no children to deal with contact and so on).

I just feel like a small number of posters have zero empathy. It will hurt, I'm not made of steel.

There is one poster on here who is really trying to make me feel bad and keeps repeating 'you dumped him, you dumped him.' as if I just did it out of the blue and for no reason, and even though I wrote I tried to get us back together shortly after but he didn't want to.

This is, I think, the source if the confusion. Most posters here think that ehen you left him you were taking a strong stand to end the relationship because he was awful to you and he would not commit to giving you what you wanted in the relationship. We all applaud that! This is not fault finding with you. You had great reasons for endung itX and you communicated those reasons. So: not out of the blue or for no reason.

But no one cares about the timing or cause of a breakup. Its not a negotiation snd its not an olympic sport with scores from the judges.

The truth is, though, you didn’t have the courage of your convictions. You didn’t choose to end it you would have preferred to stay with him. However aside from the texting snd accepting a free meal from you he isn’t interested in getting back eith you officially.

Your daring move if leaving in the first place was really s bluff. Actually you just want to go right back into this shitty relationship. Sorry if posters here think you had a lucky escape.

You are like a person who woke up and left her house one night and the house burned down after. You are still arguing “I didn’t mean to leave! The smoke detector didn’t even go off! I left a lot of important stuff behind.” We are trying to tell you that could all be true but the house is totaled, burned, done, gone. There is nothing to go back to.

We know it hurts. Most of us have been there. Most of you as are trying to tell you you are hurting yourself by prolonging this and listening to a fake and pointless narrative.

Then it becomes his sole responsibility to cook and shop for food not your problem...

But you left him why do you want him back?

He sounds like an absolutely pathetic immature wanker - what on earth about this fucking prince makes him an attractive prospect?

Hes kept you dangling on a string until he got a better offer by sounds of it. The fact he’s literally stopped replying probably means he’s got someone else as a new plaything now and you’ve served your purpose.

Tbh you’ve been given a lot of good advice on here but your spikey responses show you’re not ready to hear it.

Stop wasting your life giving headspace trying to understand something you might never really have an answer to and move on.

It wasn't clear originally that despite you breaking up with him, you actually wanted to get back together and have spent the last few months trying to get that to happen. I understand that this step by your ex, which is pretty clear and final, means that what you hoped for won't now happen. Of course that will hurt. But you can't force someone to maintain contact when they don't want to and when they have moved on.

You should have run from his abuse not wanted him as a lifelong partner he's a prize arse what do you get from him?