"I vote for who my husband tells me to"

[Applescruffel]

A few years ago, a family member shocked me by saying, yeah, I do vote but I don't know anything about it so I just vote for whoever DH says.

My jaw dropped. Honestly, WTAF?

I advised her to go on isidewith and answer the questions, see what it comes back with. I asked her a few days later if she had, and she said yes, it came back with X party. BUT THEN SHE SAID "but DH wants XX party so I'm going with them" Jaw hit the floor.

Anyway, I'm wondering how common it is. Have any of you ever voted for someone someone else told you to?

yabu - yes, I've voted as per someone else's instructions
yanbu - no, I've always voted according to what I want.

My husband comes from a very locally left -of -centre family. He voted for the Conservatives in 2010. Hours later he had to phone his mum to apologise! I think the opinions you are given as you grow up have a huge impact on your views as an adult. I am sure he will vote Labour today but we don't discuss how we voted as it is our own personal choice. I was taught to question everything and be very cynical - hence I have no idea where I will put my vote. I am leaving it for as long as possible! (i did the mumsnet poll as Labour but not sure). I like Keir Starmer just not sure of the rest of the gang.

I have difficulties with learning because I have problems with focusing and memory. It’s embarrassing asking someone to explain something to you like you’re a child. When I do ask I often find people aren’t very good at explaining how the political system works, what they like is rambling on about their own political opinions. My dh would try to explain things to me if I asked him and I do sometimes ask him questions but he goes into too much detail and it takes ages to explain things and it just ends up being frustrating. I would generally avoid simple newspapers/ tabloids because they’re not very informative and the viewpoint tends to be skewed. I could try a book I suppose. There’s probably Politics for Dummies or some such thing. Maybe I will try to give it a go now that I have a dd. It might be good for when she’s older. But I have tried in the past and it really didn’t help. It’s hard to explain but it’s a very daunting thing. The fact that there’s massive gaps in the rest of my education doesn’t help. I also know fuck all about history, geography etc. I think if I was going to go and learn anything I would honestly focus on getting better with numbers because that really holds me back in my day to day life.

Is she a Christian? The Bible says women should be submissive and do as their husbands tell them.

I first voted in the EU referendum of 1975, and even then my female friends and I were horrified by stories of women who “just voted the same as their husband”.

”Surely not these days, maybe back in the 1940s, but it’s ridiculous if it’s happening now!” we said.

I’m not sure it’s that different to people voting the way their favourite newspaper tells them to vote. People choose who they believe. It’s not necessarily sinister coercion.

I usually vote the same way as my dh but that's because I've chosen to be with someone in life whose values align with mine.

It sounded as if she thought he hadn’t got a polling card, because they were stuck together. In fact he could still vote, without one as long as he’d registered with the council.

My MIL does this, and thinks I should too. Not happening!

DH always asks for my advice when it comes to voting because I quite like watching political programs whereas he’d rather stick pins in his eyes. We do usually end up voting the same way. If he didn’t want to be swayed by me he could spend time watching the same programs and reading the articles I do, but he doesn’t so…

I had a proxy vote for DS1. I asked him who to vote for and he was said “whoever you are, as long as it gets that cunt out, but definitely not Farage…” so that’s what I did. He does take an interest in politics as a rule, but he’s deployed and we get one Skype call once in a blue moon so didn’t want to waste it going into the why’s and wherefores of the manifestos,(he went before the election was called) and tactical voting.

When my mum went to vote in the EU referendum she was convinced leaving was the wrong thing, but my dad was adamant it was right. He spent the whole walk to the polling station lecturing her on why she should vote leave, so she did and she’s regretted it ever since. I bet he tells her how to vote today,too.

I'm on the flip side of this. My parter is completely detached from politics and generally asks me who to vote for.

Referring to the comments on proxy/postal votes, my dad is in a nursing home with dementia and I have POA. I visited him the other day and saw his polling card in his room that his wife must've brought him from home.

I didn't even think to get his vote changed to a proxy or postal but when I thought about it some more it wouldn't be his choice anyway, it would be whoever was voting for him on his behalf so what's the point. I could guess at who he would vote for but I couldn't be certain. He has voted for almost all the parties over the years.

Well in our local parish election my dad votes who my mom tells him to. And I tell.my brother who to vote for. Me ans my mom are active at the parish scouts so they ask as who supports the youth the best. In "real" elections we all vote independently.

It mattered to me that my partner had similar political views to me so I can probably guess how he voted today - and he me- but how he actually votes is his business. He similarly does not question mine.

My mum did too, and I bet many others did!

Good point. At times like this, I'm glad that I'm not married. Excuse me if that sounds cynical

Was literally about to post this clip after reading the OP.

My adoptive mother has always voted for the same party as her father, and continued “in his place” after he died. I don’t think she’s ever put any real thought into it.

My mother had absolutely no interest in politics,but because my father always voted Labour she decided that she would too.
When I was in my thirties she admitted that she had no idea who she'd been voting for,because in all her years of being eligible to vote she'd never seen the prime minister's name on her ballot paper.🙄

Nice name!

Yes i think its important anyone new to the country sees these old public information films the BBC used to put out 😂

It makes me so sad to see women surrender their self-esteem to the control of a man.

On some level I do know how they feel. I used to feel foolish if I expressed an opinion and had a boyfriend vehemently disgree with me and would start to lecture me on why my opinion was "wrong".

Feminism has helped me built my own self-esteem, knowledge and opinions. I feel much better for it, but it also has let to arguments because I now refuse to yield in such cases.

A relative of mine is a councillor.

He feels that some of this goes on in his area. More so in houses with a strong patriarchal manner and also in those where English isn't the first/strongest language. (Not necessarily the same houses.)

No way of proving it - just a feeling from doorstep conversations over the years.

I'm sure my Mum voted along my Dad's lines - as he claimed to be the thinker. Although my Mum did vote for Maggie as' she is a woman' never mind what Maggie was saying/offering etc etc.

I suspect you will find there are two types of people at fault. Controlling men, of course. Then there is the 'silly old me, I don't know how to drive, put out the bins or vote' type women. I'm sure there are many men out there frustrated by their wife's lack of interest in the world. I personally am not very knowledgeable about politics but I do know where I stand with social policy or bigger issues. I work with a lot of women of all ages and I'm a political expert compared to some of them, they would be much more opinionated on hair extensions or fake nails. It's scary sometimes that they have the power to vote.

👏

So embarrassing when adult women don’t seem to realise that others literally died so they would have the right to vote.

The coercion and control of some men is also disgusting to see. Hopefully a problem that’s dying out!

It makes me so sad to see women surrender their self-esteem to the control of a man.

That is so well put.
There are so many threads on MN where the woman has totally lost her self esteem because of the dynamics of a relationship. As you say, it's very sad.

@ItmeansIdontcare Dh got this for the kids but I found it quite helpful!