"I vote for who my husband tells me to"

[Applescruffel]

A few years ago, a family member shocked me by saying, yeah, I do vote but I don't know anything about it so I just vote for whoever DH says.

My jaw dropped. Honestly, WTAF?

I advised her to go on isidewith and answer the questions, see what it comes back with. I asked her a few days later if she had, and she said yes, it came back with X party. BUT THEN SHE SAID "but DH wants XX party so I'm going with them" Jaw hit the floor.

Anyway, I'm wondering how common it is. Have any of you ever voted for someone someone else told you to?

yabu - yes, I've voted as per someone else's instructions
yanbu - no, I've always voted according to what I want.

Calm down a little with the three question marks. He just watches and reads a lot more politics than I do, so we speak about it and he tells me a lot of what's gone on.

I understand this won't be everyone's experience or everyone's way of doing things, but that's ok. 🤷🏾‍♀️

What about observing what's going on around you and deciding from that? Deciding what your principles are and then looking through manifestos to see how they align with how you feel? Any passions such as the environment or health or reducing poverty for example?

We both have passion for the environment and other issues regarding the state of the world.
We voted green this time, although I doubt they'll get far which is unfortunate.

That sounds promising! I'm glad to hear you went with your passion.

This sort of thing gives me concerns about postal votes

I'm sure you would! But having the poll clerk help is still not independent or private. You need something called a McGonagle reader.

No, it’s not more shocking at all, men have an extremely long history of trying to control women. It’s far more shocking that some women enjoy being controlled.

Strong words, "control" and "Coercion".
Back in the day it used to mean if he said to you "get out of this house or I'll kill you".
But now it means if he says to you "make this particular pencil mark on a piece of paper although obviously i wont know whether you do or don't".
Funny that.

Ah, the old 'it's only misogyny if you die' defence.

We went out in the rain to vote in the Brexit referendum, when we were on our way home he confessed he'd voted Leave. I was bloody furious with him 'We could have stayed at home you idiot!'.

That's correct. Back in the day the police didn't involve themselves in a private matter. People had a very naive view of what domestic violence actually entailed and only saw it as beating someone up.

I grew up with a very controlling father and, once we were of voting age, he’d telling us who to vote for. Initially, I’d nod along but just vote for who I wanted and not tell him, but I got braver once I moved out and would actively challenge him about his preferred candidates. He’s not a bad person, but has a narcissistic streak and genuinely doesn’t seem to understand how others don’t think like him.

Given I live in Merseyside and people who are from here vote Labour because “that’s what we do here”, this doesn’t surprise me one iota. You can see from the recent results a huge percentage of the electorate simply vote for the same party they always have done and then there’s a swing element that actually decides it.

Sounds a bit like my late Mother, also in the North West, she was going on about x, y and z and I told her that she sounded to have more in common with Margaret Thatcher than the Labour goat with a red ribbon round its neck. She was furious, she'd always voted Labour and always would!

My husband usually asks who I vote for and why, and then says that sounds like a good reason and that he'll do the same. I think it's lazy and I wish he'd just make up his own mind, but as he sees it, many of our values are aligned and I spend a lot of time following politics so it's a lot easier to just ask me. He does watch the news every day so it's not like he has no interest in the world around them.

So you are an immigrant, and you told him to vote reform? Interesting.

Yes, I'm an immigrant, from a post - communist country, have been here for 25 years, paying blood taxes and seeing this country slowly go to hell.
In fact, there is far better life now in Prague, where I come from and I resent it a great deal, because for practical reasons I cannot go back (yet).
That's the story.
Obviously if my stubborn husband didn't want to do something, including voting Reform, then it most definitely wouldn't happen.

Oh of course, it's the other immigrants who are the problem, not you.

Yanbu
However, a few years ago my DH told our DC he voted for a party because I told him to! I don't actually remember telling him to.

I used to support a family who had 3 children with learning disabilities all over voting age who still lived at home. The dad used to brag they got 4 votes instead of 1. Not sure what you could do as they would not have been able to manage in their own at a polling booth either

I find all this sad, but not really surprising given the apathy around voting/politics these days.

Despite how terribly the country has been run down in recent years, turn out was only 60% in the general election, second lowest since 1918. To find out people just vote as their spouse does for an easy life is no real surprise at all!

Don't get me started on people who abstain or spoil their ballot because none of the parties are a perfect match... I'm a strong believer in voting for "least worst" and only abstaining/spoiling your ballot if you genuinely don't care who wins - i.e., you'd be equally satisfied with green vs reform vs the local anti-abortion independent (as we had here).

I'm very clued up with politics and it surprises me how few people are, even amongst my educated friends who give it the old 'they're all the same'. They're not - that's an excuse for not educating yourself.
My hairdresser told me this week that she votes for who her dad tells her to as she doesn't have a clue. This is a woman with kids in her 40s.

I'm in Scotland where people don't vote Conservative! I was talking to MIL recently and she was like why don't you like the Tories. There are a myriad of reasons but I found myself saying 'Because I'm Scottish'. She didn't say much after that (she isn't Scottish).

I vote for who I want. My mum votes for who she wants ("not the same as my dad).
I did have a very controlling ex when I was younger though and I would vote for whoever he told me to because it was easier (and safer).
Thankfully got away from him and can now vote for who I please but I can see why some women, especially if they were the situation I was, would vote for whoever their partner told them to.

I'm surprised people are shocked at this. We are all surrounded by other people telling us who to vote for. At work, in our communities, at home. I remember being 19 in 1997 and being harassed by my friends quite domineering parents to vote Labour. This week my local (generally well moderated) fb group has been full of people abusing each other and name calling both pre and post results. Why is it surprising that someone's husband (or wife) would try to influence their vote if they felt strongly enough about it?