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Original poster

Lying husband help

115 replies

Laylaleela · 03/07/2024 20:23

Hi everyone.
Apologies if this is in the wrong section, I really wasn't sure where to put it.

For many many reasons, my marriage has been struggling for a while and my husband has become more and more emotionally abusive and shady and just horrible.

He recently took my bank card from me (I use his account normally as I am a sahm) and told me he'd transfer me £500 for the month. He said he wanted to save.

In March my dad kindly offered to lend us money to buy a car as ours had been written off. The agreement was once we received the settlement from the insurance company we would pay him that amount back, then the rest over time in installments. My husband agreed to this.

We received the money from the insurance whilst he was away with work. He said he'd pay it back once he was home in about a month.

when he returned he told me I'd spent half the money (I knew I hadnt) so only transferred half to my dad. He was adamant it was me.

I haven't looked through the online baking before, I'm ashamed to say but I just thought I'd have a look.

He has been transferring hundreds of pounds to a separate account which I have no access to. He's been doing this for months but suddenly upped the amount when we had the money from the car in there.

I can't believe he did it. I can't believe he had the audacity to do it in secret, lie and blame me for it.

I'm a fool for not checking the account sooner but I just trusted him and didn't think to.

I want to leave. This is one step too far and I am done 100%.

What do I do from here?

I don't suppose I have any rights to that money now he's sneaked it off. My poor dad now is out of pocket because of this ass.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/07/2024 20:26

As you are married yes you do.

RandomMess · 03/07/2024 20:26

Make sure you take the car with you!!

Original poster
Laylaleela · 03/07/2024 20:29

RandomMess · 03/07/2024 20:26

Make sure you take the car with you!!

Luckily the car is in my name.
What do I do first? Do I need a lawyer?
I'm so angry.

OP posts:
Sunnydiary · 03/07/2024 20:29

Since you are married, the fact he’s squirrelled the money away is irrelevant, it’s still a marital asset.

Take screenshots of everything before he changes password on online acct or something.

You need legal advice. Good luck.

Original poster
Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 17:21

Thanks for your reply.
I've made an appointment with the solicitor.
Out of interest, does anyone know if he can legally take the card away from me and just give me a budget?
He's been buying so much for himself and left me and the kids with 500 for the month. Already done a food shop and got petrol and I don't see it lasting.

But the account is not joint. It's his, I just had access to it.

I'd be screwed if he refused to give me more because it won't last us a month.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 04/07/2024 18:51

Well it would be financial abuse if he deliberately keeps you short.

EatTheGnome · 04/07/2024 18:53

First I'd tell your dad and hope for big hug and some support. Hopefully he will hold your hand a bit through this x

EatTheGnome · 04/07/2024 18:53

I'd also sell his stuff to make up the money.

Mouswife · 04/07/2024 18:55

It’s all joint marital assets ….

Original poster
Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 19:15

Thanks everyone.
So it's not illegal if I take the card and use it anyway if needed?
I know where he's put it

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 04/07/2024 19:20

Honestly, is there enough cash in his account to take the rest of your Dad's money back? If so I'd simply take that and transfer it to your Dad or take it out in cash and give it to your Dad and get yourself out.

Although I hasten to add I don't know the legalities of taking money from your husband's account, but I guess all I'd say is how could he prove it was you and not just him paying the other half of the debt?

StopInhalingRevels · 04/07/2024 19:23

Take screenshots as far back as you are able, you'll need it when he lies some more in the divorce that the money doesn't exist.

Make a note of the account details he's transferring too.

StopInhalingRevels · 04/07/2024 19:26

Also, if the only income into the house is his wages, how much is that each month?

Helpfullright · 04/07/2024 19:27

It is fraud to use a card in someone else’s name without permission. By taking the card away he has removed permission.

how on earth do you not have a joint account!

Gymnopedie · 04/07/2024 19:29

First things first OP. Make sure you have copies of the bank statements showing his transfers so that he can't hide the money in the divorce.

Original poster
Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 19:30

Helpfullright · 04/07/2024 19:27

It is fraud to use a card in someone else’s name without permission. By taking the card away he has removed permission.

how on earth do you not have a joint account!

I asked to be added to his when I gave up work.
He told me I didn't need to, I had the card, if I was on it it would affect his credit score.
Honestly I feel like an idiot for not pushing it more but I just accepted it at the time and always trusted him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 19:30

Gymnopedie · 04/07/2024 19:29

First things first OP. Make sure you have copies of the bank statements showing his transfers so that he can't hide the money in the divorce.

Thanks. I've screenshotted them.
Might try and print them aswell maybe incase.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 19:31

StopInhalingRevels · 04/07/2024 19:26

Also, if the only income into the house is his wages, how much is that each month?

It's around 2500 a month

OP posts:
Original poster
Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 19:33

There are also a bunch of transfers from his mum which is really weird.
She was given random amounts here and there. Then suddenly last month she gave him 1000 in separate transfers.
What the hell is that about.
And I knew nothing about it.
I'm told we need to budget and save and he's got all this extra money and he's moving it around and buying himself fucking ray bans.
Honestly I'm so angry.
All I buy is food and bloody nappies

OP posts:
Original poster
Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 19:34

44PumpLane · 04/07/2024 19:20

Honestly, is there enough cash in his account to take the rest of your Dad's money back? If so I'd simply take that and transfer it to your Dad or take it out in cash and give it to your Dad and get yourself out.

Although I hasten to add I don't know the legalities of taking money from your husband's account, but I guess all I'd say is how could he prove it was you and not just him paying the other half of the debt?

There isn't enough in the account I have the details for. He's moved it to two separate accounts.

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 04/07/2024 19:36

@Laylaleela how did insurance money for your car end up in his account in the first place? why did it not go to your account? check that the dvlc v8 is in your name and he hasnt changed it. if he has, change it back and then change the address to get it sent to your dads house/ empty all accounts because you have no money. all passports, birth certs etc and all copies or originals better of house docs and bank docs/ if you are leaving imminently. make things difficult for him and even think of changing password of bank

Original poster
Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 19:39

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 04/07/2024 19:36

@Laylaleela how did insurance money for your car end up in his account in the first place? why did it not go to your account? check that the dvlc v8 is in your name and he hasnt changed it. if he has, change it back and then change the address to get it sent to your dads house/ empty all accounts because you have no money. all passports, birth certs etc and all copies or originals better of house docs and bank docs/ if you are leaving imminently. make things difficult for him and even think of changing password of bank

The previous car was in his name and he bought it so the money from the insurance company went to his account.
My dad has put this new car in my name because it's mainly mine anyway, he bikes to work and doesn't really use it.
So I am registered owner of the new one.
It's his bank account so I can't change passwords. I can access it but don't even know if I'm legally allowed to now.

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 04/07/2024 19:41

Who's paying the insurance on the new car? Is that coming out of your account?

Aligirlbear · 04/07/2024 19:43

Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 19:15

Thanks everyone.
So it's not illegal if I take the card and use it anyway if needed?
I know where he's put it

If the card is in your husband’s name and his account it would be fraud if you used it without his permission

Original poster
Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 19:48

sandyhappypeople · 04/07/2024 19:41

Who's paying the insurance on the new car? Is that coming out of your account?

He paid it for the year when we got it.

OP posts: