My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

Ironically had the OP said she had lost loads of weight but was chucking her scales away and going to properly pig out on ice cream and chips on holiday she would have been told to go for it with loads of 'you go girl' type posts. 🙄

I am going to say you do you and if scales on holiday mean that you can relax and enjoy the holiday then good for you. I think your sister and SIL are both very rude, its none of their business provided you are happy.

Could you drop the scales on holiday and depend on them less, but still eat well? So instead of having cocktails if your weight is low, always have gin and diet tonic and have a daily frozen yoghurt etc. I.e. eat for health rather than weight.

why should she?

I totally understand needing to track your weight even on holiday. I have also taken scales with me. It becomes a way of life and as hard as it may seem to other people if that is what is needed to give you control than so be it. I annoy my family as well but they also annoy me by commenting all the time about trying to get me to eat a piece of cake or whatever they are having. I know I have an eating disorder and it will always be there but as long as I can control what I eat I won’t have to binge.

I think you need to set your boundaries and be clear.

I would stop explaining and say 'I do what I do and if you don't like it, stop coming on holday with me. It is you who keeps bringing this up, not me.'

Keep an eye on your own mental health.

Also anyone who encourages you to eat more than you want should be told to back off.

While I don't bring scales on holiday or do daily weigh-ins, I can empathise. I was very overweight/obese some decades ago and I had such low self-esteem. I'm now a healthy weight and have been for decades but I know how you feel.

Gary Lineker once said that he was told by the England manager to weigh himself every day and has kept that up. It obviously works for him.

Regular Weigh-Ins: What to Know About Weighing Yourself (webmd.com)

"Daily weigh-ins. If you’re really committed to losing weight, weighing yourself every day can be helpful. Research shows that people who weigh themselves every day have even more success with weight loss than those who weigh in once a week.
One of the biggest benefits of daily weigh-ins may be that you can make small changes throughout the day to help you stay on track. You can catch little ups and downs in weight faster and decide how you want to deal with them. For example, you can choose to exercise more or refocus your diet and eating habits.**

Another benefit is that you may feel more driven to stay on track when you see small losses throughout the week. A study from April 2015 followed 47 obese men and women who used the same diet and eating plan over six months. Those who tracked their weight daily lost an average of 13 pounds more than those who didn’t track frequently."

Take the scales. Ignore everyone else. Eat the fruit platter and enjoy it. I get you. Once you've done it you don't want to bloody do it all again. Good luck to you.

This thread has actually made me decide I will just keep weighing myself as others have said, it’s just to keep an eye on how things are going and not worry about what other people think about it!

OMG the comments, it’s very depressing tbh. I get them constantly about what I eat and how I look now I have lost weight. People will stop me and say ‘ok don’t lose more weight you don’t need to’ and I’m like ‘thanks Sharon but my BMI is still 24.9 so I don’t think I’m fading away just yet’

You know you don’t have to go on holiday with your SIL, right? If I had a previous addiction (food in your case, could be alcohol, smoking, etc), I wouldn’t go on holiday with someone who told me to “live a little” and tried to get me to binge/drink alcohol/smoke. People think it’s okay because it’s food, but if it was heroin, would it be reasonable to wave heroin under a former addict’s nose and tell them that they’re a spoilsport because they won’t shoot up?

There's nothing unreasonable about being committed to maintaining a healthy weight. Whether or not needing such control indicates an eating disorder is kind of besides the point. In either case it wouldn't be unreasonable. Why can't people have a bit of kindness or sensitivity when it comes to other people's more troubled relationship with food? My mum would hide sweets and crisps from me and my sisters when we were teens so we couldn't binge, and now showers us with treats especially if someone's watching their weight. She has a terrible relationship with food and has brought us all up to share it. That whole experience makes me pretty mad at anyone that feels they are allowed to comment on another's habits/needs when eating.

I hope you enjoy wearing all your favourite clothes on holiday! One of my favourite feelings.

Depends on how active you are and how easily you gain weight. Also depends on willpower levels. WW have weekly weigh ins and don’t advise more than that, but personally I know I put weight on easily so weigh in at home most days to stay in control.

@CowTown 👏

I'm a former Weight Watcher, but I don't need scales to realise when I'm putting on weight. For a few weeks a year I eat & drink what I fancy, then cut back when I'm back home.

I can't help thinking of all the clothes I'd have to leave behind because the scales are so heavy.

How about taking a tape measure ?

Well done on your weight loss OP. Do whatever you need to do to maintain a healthy weight and tell your family to mind their own business.

A lot of people can, yes, but I don’t believe the OP can. Lots of people weigh themselves daily too and can clearly see how their bodies weight can fluctuate from day to day naturally, without reigning in the calories over 1/2 a pound. Using up your luggage allowance to cart your scales to Greece doesn’t sound like she’s relaxing and enjoying herself does it?

It’s annoying because I’m pretty easygoing - my preferences don’t cause inconvenience. E.g. when we last went out with SIL and BIL we decided to eat out last min. Everyone decided on an Indian. Great. I chose tandoori grilled chicken and prawns with salad. I had a few tablespoons of Dh’s bhuna but that meal was perfectly enjoyable and filling. SIL said “go on, get a cheese naan down you”.

It made me so self conscious.

When I was dieting / depressed I wouldn’t even have stepped foot in a restaurant.

She is slim so it’s really grating. How about you eat what you want and I’ll eat what I want.

The people who can't enjoy food without other people also eating the same amounts/types of food sound like they're the ones with the disordered eating and poor relationships with food to me. Food isn't a major part of how I enjoy my holidays, cool if it is for you, but I don't need to join in.

You've done well, know what works for you and have methods to keep yourself accountable while also not over restricting your and allowing yourself some treats.

I think most people's idea of "normal" these days truly warps their view of what is actually balance.

And what you pack on holiday is nobody's business, as long as you aren't whipping them put to weigh yourself in front of everybody. And quite frankly I find it rude that anyone would throw anyone's possessions in the bin simply because they disapprove or don't show the same view.

Hmm this is a tricky one as I absolutely think it’s great that you want to continue to eat healthily on holiday… however there is nothing worse than eating around someone who is overtly restrictive. I worked with someone who was doing slimming world and it drove me mad listening to hear tell me how many bloody sins were in the food I was eating !!! Do you think maybe you’re giving a bit of a running commentary and it’s winding them up a bit ? So they are lashing out as you’re making them feel bad (even inadvertently).

also things like taking the scales away to me seems OTT but if you want to do that maybe you just need to keep it to yourself ?

Sadly I can’t be relaxed around eating, it was borderline ruining my life at one point.

@Cadelo your SIL isn’t very nice and she’s doing this to wind you up. I think she knows it upsets you. I’m sorry as I think she’s being really mean to you

I think you're sensible.

I was a very healthy 9 stone in my 20's/30's and suffered a lot of people telling me I was overweight ( now I realise it was jealousy as I clearly wasn't)

FF to being in my late 40's - piled on 4 stone due to few major medical episodes. Now on a major diet to get that 4 stone off. Trust me, once it's off I'll be weighing myself DAILY and checking I don't ever get back to this weight again. It's hard being fat. It's hard losing weight. I don't intend to have to do it twice.

Might add that 4 stone 'piled' on in 3 years. Might take that bloody long to come off, who knows, but those scales are being used daily.

Why should she ? Presumably she’s weighing herself in private so it’s not impacting anyone else. And I know people who think they eat for health rather than weight and they’re some of the most overweight people l know, but they won’t admit it. OP is enjoying looking good and wearing nice clothes. Eating for health won’t necessarily achieve that. As long as she’s a healthy weight and BMI she’s not doing anything wrong.

Sounds like SIL liked the way things were before. By losing weight you’ve changed the dynamic she has in her head.