My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

This is disordered thinking that is feeding your anxiety around body image and food.

I have BDD and changes in my appearance are triggering so I often do similar safety behaviour. For me, it's mirror checking so I can reassure myself nothing has changed and that I know how everything looks in an attempt to avoid the debilitating anxiety that comes from the sudden "shock" that something has suddenly changed.

It's very hard to stop this but your daily weighing is a.similar "safety" behaviour. Needing to take scales on holiday is not "normal" so tells you clearly that this is disordered thinking. Maybe try to wean yourself off daily weighing gradually ahead of your holiday.

Are you getting any support for your food issues? It can be difficult to crack on your own as we all need to eat and it's good to eat healthily, and there are health reasons for maintaining a healthy weight. So you can't just go cold turkey as it were.

and again why should she? She says she doesn't bang on about it, why don't you believe her.

Your sil is rude op.
It’s your holiday too.
Tell sil that you won’t comment on her eating and could she not comment on yours.
I wonder if your sil perhaps doesn’t like your new found body confidence.
You’ve jumped out of the box she had placed you in.

I don’t talk about food at all. I just know not to really order dessert or anything with a ton of carbs. Ie when we go to an Italian restaurant I’m never going to order a lasagna with garlic bread. But I’ll have seafood linguine and a glass of red. And no I do not want to split a dessert!

I wish I could just eat without thinking. But past events inform my current decisions. I know one big meal isn’t going to make me fat but I’d rather just stick to what works.

Or maybe they love the OP and think her eating is disordered and unhealthy.

"But I’m not obsessed with the scales. I weigh myself whilst I brush my teeth. If the number has jumped then I just know that day not to indulge in cocktails etc"

Weight naturally fluctuates day by day. A slight increase in weight on one day doesn't necessarily require any action at all, which is why it's generally not recommended to weigh yourself daily.

A very good way of looking at it.

Checking your weight daily doesn’t in itself mean you are unhealthily obsessed. It depends on what other behaviours around food are though.

It's hard to say really, maybe you are coming across as judgemental or really do have disordered eating, we don't have the full picture.

However from what I can tell you might be a little quirky around food but it's fine. If you want a scale on holiday go for it. It might be easier to use the scale at the hotel gym if there's one.

Perhaps sil preferred it when you were "the fat one." PCOS is no joke though hopefully she understands about your metabolism, perhaps you can remind her. She sounds irritating though, I would take my plate and eat at a seperate table.

That sounds fine to me. As long as you’re not pushing a lettuce leaf around and starving yourself, you seem to just be vigilant and keeping on top of things.

I wonder if it’s your behaviour rather than what you are eating which triggers people?

I have a very slender and petite friend who is careful about what she eats and cooks. But when we go out for a meal, she’s the life and soul of the party. She may have selected a salad starter and a grilled fish main course but she does so without pause or comment. And likewise gets no comment back.

My MIL however will have a huge conversation about how huge the portions are and how she couldn’t possibly manage more than a starter portion and no main or dessert and is frankly a pain in the bum around food and a real attention seeker.

I have another relative who I would say has seriously disordered eating. She is a gluten free, sugar free vegan who only eats organic food and is paranoid about anything GM. She lectures the whole table about what she can or can’t eat and why and can also be quite controlling. I would never ever eat with her either.

if you are eating the same kinds of food as the rest of the table, interacting normally but just having a smaller portion of not having the sides, then your SIL is being unreasonable. But if you are the one causing the drama, the solution lies with you here. The

Perhaps sil preferred it when you were "the fat one."

nailed it I reckon

Is sil was concerned and loved the op she wouldn’t be humiliating her in restaurants and threatening to bin her scales.

She sounds jealous and self conscious. She feels like the OP’s behaviour makes her eating behaviour look bad. If she was confident in her own skin she wouldn’t have an opinion on another woman’s healthy eating.

I've recently lost 2stone and now have this. I control what I eat but not obsessively
I weigh weekly and feel in control
People comment on what I eat and worry, but im size 8 now and happy and healthy
I don't judge others they can have what they want
Well done you for losing the weight 👏👏

idgaf what others eat

the Op has already said that she does not do this. Why do you not believe her?

I think this is definitely a case of... you do you...and I am shocked by how many people are being so judgemental about your behaviour.

I too take my scales on holiday - I weigh myself each day and feel relaxed just "knowing" where my weight is, as well as it helping me stay on track with eating as a gentle reminder. I have ruined too many holidays with "letting go" - eating ice cream, drinking cocktails, living "like a normal person". My weight can - and has - soared by 10lbs in just 4 days... Having been a yo-yo dieter all my life, it's super sensitive.

Others (apart from DH) don't know I take my scales on holiday - nor do I constantly talk about what I eat. I just quietly eat sensibly and a bit less than others, enjoy a few treats, occasionally overeat and balance it with a lighter eating day, and like not having pounds to lose when I return. I seldom eat breakfast - IF was what helped me lose the 5 stone.

And yes I really enjoy my food and have the reputation of being a good cook.

I one hundred percent endorse previous poster saying

If you were an alcoholic and using various strategies to ensure you don't fall off the wagon, would all those posters still say you are being unreasonable, or if you had given up smoking would they be encouraging you to have a cigarette, just because you are on holiday? Of course they wouldn't.
People who have never had been overweight get on my tits with their supercilious attitude.

Why are they not unreasonable to find it tedious though? Unless the OP is constantly boring them rigid with a running commentary on her diet and turning into a competitive starvation thing, what difference does it make to anyone else?

It's not necessary to discuss or analyse what is on anyone else's plate. Her sister and her friends can eat exactly as they choose and leave the OP alone to do the same.

I think what's really happening here is that when people are being indulgent with food or alcohol they want the people with them to be equally indulgent, so that they don't look greedy in comparison. But frankly, that's their issue to deal with, not the OP's. She shouldn't be made to feel like a killjoy or an obsessive freak for trying to stay healthy and doing what suits her best.

Sil didn’t know me when I was fat.

For someone with food addiction the scales are a coping mechanism, and it's completely understandable that you want them on holiday with you. Alcoholics and drug addicts can learn to live without alcohol or drugs, whereas a food addict still has to eat and it's a big struggle for most of us, who, like myself, have struggled with weight issues all my adult life

Do you actually enjoy your restrictive eating or are you tormenting yourself because of your past experiences? Because I would not enjoy spending time with a martyr, and maybe this is why everyone comments about how miserable you are.

Well it’s all about perception. So for example what happened when the SIL said to try the cheese naan? Did she tear a small piece off and put it on her plate and continue to socialise with the table and let the plate be cleared later with it untouched. Or was there something of a drama about why she didn’t want it and why?

Eat less food. You don’t need scales to tell you that you’re eating too much.

Sounds like youve got on top of your weight . Its understandable you dint want to go back. Dont let others bring you down. You not eating crap just shines a light on their diet and they work hard shaming you to eat shit

I said “no thanks, I’m fine”.

I have taken scales on holiday before (very lightweight plastic WW ones!). Assuming you're still eating the correct amount to fuel your body and health, it's no more disordered than keeping track of your spending.