My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

I do this too. I am a daily weigher. So is my husband. When I weigh daily I can make small tweaks. It’s easy.

I took my scales on holiday too OP - 1st time and I will take them again in August.

I am absolutely not going back to how I was. No way.

Personally I'd say do you.

But my concern here would be that flying and change of temperature, eating patterns etc can cause fluid retention and therefore your "weight" won't be a true reflection of your in and out.

I would think after all these years you probably do know yourself what you can and can't manage. What you need to eat to maintain. Perhaps it's time to trust yourself whilst you're away and do what you know is right for you - and ignore anyone trying to dictate what you eat and drink.

Exactly this. I feel so reassured knowing the most I will ever had to is tweak.

I think people are missing the bigger picture of how poor your mental health and relationship with food used to be.

Yes it’s still not perfect but you’re still recovering and people making judgemental comments about how you recover aren’t going to help the process

It sounds like you’re doing great op and you should be incredibly proud of yourself for the amount of progress you’ve made

Well, you have an eating disorder so yes I would imagine being around someone so obsessive about their weight would be upsetting. I hope you don’t have kids?

I'm not sure why people are coming out so strongly saying that OP has a "disorder" or "Serious issues with food"...

We don't have enough information to pronounce on what she's eating, other than her SIL's and sisters comments.

"My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”...I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy."

To me it sounds like the people around her can't get used to her significant weight loss. they are used to seeing her 4 stone overweight and are not very supportive, encouraging her to overeat when she knows what works for her and is sticking to it.

I may be way off the market here @Cadelo but it strikes me that you sister and sister-in-law would not be unhappy if you put weight back on.
You have changed the dynamic in your family and you are no longer 'the fat one'
If you were an alcoholic and using various strategies to ensure you don't fall off the wagon, would all those posters still say you are being unreasonable, or if you had given up smoking would they be encouraging you to have a cigarette, just because you are on holiday? Of course they wouldn't.
People who have never had been overweight get on my tits with their bloody supercilious attitude. Tell them to fuck right off.

i used to constantly tug at my top to make sure it wasn’t sticking to any fat rolls. I was so uncomfortable in my skin. I never tried clothes on, never went swimming, never wore sleeveless clothes - always had a cardigan even on hot days.

I weigh myself daily to keep an eye on my weight due to pcos - it's can very easily slip into me being overweight. I'm a healthy bmi, a size 10/12 but people will still comment and have opinions on my food intake. I don't talk about food or weight at all, I think they feel better about their weight thinking that my life is hell. I'm happy with my weighing and eating habits, I wasn't happy with excess hair growth, acne, heavy periods and feeling shit about myself but no one seems to want to understand this!

I had a friend who had very restricted eating. She lost weight but could only maintain it by starving herself. Honestly it’s boring being around that

Why does your sil need to be aware of you taking scales? Can you not just discreetly pack them then leave them in a drawer or something? I’m assuming you’re not sharing a room with her.

I understand your need to weigh yourself daily. When I lost weight I did the same thing and it stayed off but once I stopped the daily checks it went back on🙁

I think you should easily be able to eat in abundance but healthily in Greece - plenty of Greek salads, fish etc. One ice cream isn’t going to hurt. I see no reason why, if you’re not being performative, anyone should even be aware you’re conscious of what you’re eating.

I've struggled with my weight all my life.

I wouldn't mind if you're making healthy choices etc, but I wouldn't want to hear about it, so you need to get on with it quietly.

Scales on holiday and weighing every day is.

You seem triggered by this.

Why are so many people convinced that those who have lost a lot of weight are not aware of the fact that weight can naturally fluctuate ? I weigh myself pretty much every day to make sure actual fat isn’t creeping on - I’m aware that at certain times there will be water retention and other factors to consider, and I’m sure OP is too, and takes this into account. It’s easy to put on weight, and hard to lose it. If daily weighing gives OP the security of knowing that actual fat isn’t creeping back on, and she has a healthy BMI, where’s the harm ? From her posts she’s not obsessed with food, she’s just cautious and tries to eat healthily to maintain her weight.

No, not only on MN. Taking the scales on holiday and weighing every day is fixating above what would be considered normal, and that can, in some people lead to a disordered way of thinking, leading to further problems around food, weight and the urge to restrict in an effort to gain control.
OP said that losing the last half stone was so hard and may have given her a phobia. Again this is going further than what is normal in weight loss.

Kindly OP, I think the way you felt about yourself when you were in your bigger body has made you obsessive now. Your latest update is really sad, and to me implies you have a disordered view of your body, of eating, and of how 'normal' your eating habits come across now.

Being fat is nothing to be scared of. Acting like it is around others- even if you're not saying it out loud, there is no way people don't know that's how you feel from your actions (weighing every day is obsessive even if you don't think it is)- will potentially make other people feel bad about their relationship with their own bodies.

Your sister should not make comments or encourage you to eat when you don't want to- but the fact she is doing it so much suggests you eat too little.

Not triggered at all. Just entitled to my opinion, as is everyone else. Lots of amateur psychologists posting aren’t there ?

Weighing yourself daily is associated with maintaining a health weight.

Why are you going on holiday with her?

You don’t need to drink or eat excessively though. Taking scales is really quite obsessive. If you eat normally just because you are in another country doesn’t mean the weight will pile on. You can also have a few ice creams without putting on weight. You need to overeat quite a lot to consume more calories than you are burning each day.

You sound well self disciplined to me op.

More than the average person. You've got your reasons for that and they are valid.

Other people's discomfort with it shouldn't be yours and they are sharing it in a rude way.

Well done on taking control of your life.

This. And some of these posts are bordering on offensive. Do what works for you OP - I admire your weight loss and the way you are working to maintain it. Good for you.

I disagree that being fat is nothing to be scared of. For me, being fat can mean growing a beard, being in constant pain and being unable to conceive

You’ve done so well to loose so much weight already, so you must know that you can easily loose a couple of pounds again if you let your hair down a bit on holiday? Taking your scales with you and worrying about 1/2 a pound on a particular day isn’t normal behaviour though. If you truly think of food as just fuel, you’d be having more than just a piece of fruit for breakfast, I think you know that your body needs protein, carbs and fats to stay healthy.
Obviously, you don’t want to gain the weight you lost all those years ago as it made you so unhappy, that’s completely understandable. I’m guessing your relatives just want you to relax and have fun with them so don’t take their comments personally, but you should really think to yourself does your own behaviour regarding food and weigh ins make you happy? Or does being that disciplined require a little break now and again so that you can really enjoy your life?

I would also add that if you have to weigh daily in order to not put on weight then you have put a sticking plaster over the problem rather than actually fixing the deep seated roots of why you are overeating.