My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

What weights do you lift OP?

Lucky you - but as my metabolism has slowed down as I've aged, it takes several weeks for me to shift even 5lb

She sounds awful. I have been naturally slim all my life and have no eating issues, but I have had these kinds of comments which are so damn wearing. From family too.

Just for a peaceful life, if she asks, you could pretend you didn’t bring the scales. You shouldn’t have to lie but it might get her off your back…

An alcoholic can go into dangerous withdrawal without a drink. ‘Food addicts’ meanwhile can survive just fine without a donut or two. They are not comparable scenarios - you’re simply attempting to justify your own bad habits.

@godmum56 fair enough that sounds really annoying !! And I agree that the people who put the most pressure on are the people with the problem - I’m teetotal myself so very much know the feeling.

But that’s why I thought maybe OP needs to be extra discrete if there is underlying issues with the SiL 😊

None.

Average exercise in a week:
daily walk for an hour with dog, swim x2, bike ride at the weekend, yoga class on Saturdays

I hate overly strenuous exercise, can’t stand being out of breath and faint. I do want to work towards couch to 5k at some point this year.

I do intermittent fast also.

I don't think she waves the scales about over the dinner table. From what she says, she just chooses what to eat and drink. her husband let it out about the scales.

I am naturally slim but if I have huge meals one day, I might eat less the next. Just to keep a sense of balance. In no way am I ‘punishing’ myself.

I would put money on the sister-in-law not being ‘concerned’ for the OP.

but why? The Op is happy with what she eats and when she eats it. Why should the opinions of others change that?

Oh, I totally relate to this. I lost 100lbs many years ago and, for the most part, it's all still off. I'm not as strict as I was for the first 10 years, but I still have to be very careful as I have PCOS and I neither gain nor lose weight like a normal person.

At my craziest strictest... my partner and I went travelling around around America for a year in 2010 and I packed a George Foreman grill in my suitcase to take with me. lol So, rest assured, you're not alone!

I was genuinely curious if she likes it or is she too petrified to do otherwise becuase of past trauma- because the latter needs therapy (as is taking scales on holiday to check the weight daily, it's not really normal). There is proactive and there batshit crazy. I would not enjoying meals or holidaying with someone who stands on the scale as they eat an icecream to be 'proactive' about maintaining their weight and then eats a bowl of lettuce for the next month. Maybe you do the same so you understand the unhealthy obsession?

@Cadelo Do you generally get on with your SIL? Do you want to go on holiday with her?

But that's not what she does and you know that. Your strong reaction to someone choosing what they eat and your exaggeration of someone chossing a lower cal meal for their next one would seem to indicate that you have a problem with food.

This was not directed at the OP.

Amen!

If you’re having next to nothing at breakfast why not just skip it, as part of your IF?

No, that's not the way I eat, but really nor does it fit op from her posts, but that's because your account is a fictional exaggeration to suit your narrative.
Nothing you said here is close what op is describing.

I just think people who are self aware enough to have recognised they have behavioural tendencies or habits (on whatever life issue) that are doing them no favours and making them miserable, and are strong enough to recalibrate their choices to chart a different path (so many people are not), and then knowing that they can't, as some others can, take their eye off the ball because those old ways could easily take over again, are just being honest with themselves and don't need to be accused of being miserable.

If she was performance starving, banging on about it when the menus were handed out, never shutting up about how many calories are in this or that and gazing at your chips while nibbling a cracker.. then yeah I'd get your point. But op is saying the opposite is true.

because a fresh fruit breafast is delicious AND healthy

If bringing the scales helps you be more in control and relaxed then do this OP. I’m a daily weigher too and it means I’m not stressed about my weight because I only ever have to tweak.

Dont let SIL push you to consume anything you don’t want for her benefit

the people who are telling you to just relax don’t seem to understand you’ve got through a food addiction. No one would tell a former alcoholic to just relax about their drinking or to just have one.

Stick to your boundaries and it’s none of SIL’s business whether you’ve got scales in your suitcase anyway!

I regularly don’t have breakfast if I don’t wake up hungry. It’s probably 50/50. If I have an active day ahead I make sure to always eat something

@TheBossOfMe I literally said weeks to lose.. but it's worth it to have relaxed on holiday, which don't come around often.

But I understand OP, we are all different. I'm saying it as a binge eater so I understand being different weights and food addiction. But yes we all manage it differently, you do it the way that gives you most peace of mind

People track everything now though- sleep, heart rate, blood pressure, steps, calories, water intake, phone usage. Some of it continously. The only difference with weight is no one's worked out how to do it without physical scales. If weight could be tracked with an app only or on a smart watch we'd all be doing it daily.

@Cadelo So what are you planning to do now, OP? Are you going to talk to your SIL prior to the holiday?