My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

To be honest - I think this is her issue if she is upset or even teasing you about having scales with you. And it’s out of order. It’s none of her business, and also in general I feel like if someone genuinely feels they are happy with their approach to food they don’t get involved in policing others. I literally don’t even always notice what my dinner companions eat, it’s their business. If someone hates and talks down about every meal that’s different but you sound like you’re just quietly getting on with your life in the way you like it and works for you!

I know everyone is curious but the grilling of the OP about her eating habits continues and probably isn’t helpful!

One to two weeks a few years ago Vs 5-10 weeks now. Middle age sucks for metabolism 😂

Totally agree with you about doing it the way that gives the OP peace of mind. That’s a really good way of thinking about it.

This sounds delicious - I would love to eat with you!

I think some people i) really lack empathy for different people's health needs, ii) don't understand that others don't enjoy the same foods (drinks, etc) as them, and aren't punishing themselves, or judging others by making different choices.

Honestly, if your SIL can't enjoy her cheese naan without you also having some, that really sounds like her insecurity!

I'm sure you've probably already explored so much with your weight loss, but just in case you're not aware, you can get a mental health assessment without even going to your GP here - https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/ - if you do want to get some non-biased advice about relationship with weighing etc., I'm not saying you need to. Personally I have no idea if that's obsessive behaviour (I'm not overly concerned with my weight, but do find it fascinating to see how it fluctuates sometimes, amazing what a big poo does 😂)

I hope you can enjoy your holiday, and maybe find better company for next year 😁

I don't think it's anyone else's business what you eat. Nor do I think it's unreasonable to take your scales given the amount of weight you lost plus the huge amount of effort it took you to do so. Being overweight can be a dark miserable place for some people and you've done so well. Go and enjoy your holiday the way you want to. Tell SIL and anyone else sticky beaking to jog on.

How the hell do you fit scales into your luggage...every scales ive had have been quite heavy.

I am also picky about food - I wouldn't eat pizza at all now, for example. I've had alcohol three times this year. Through choice. People don't like it, but I love what I eat and I treat myself in other ways. People can be so narrow-minded. Don't let them stop you. OP.

Could you take a tape measure on holiday instead? An expanding waistline will tell you if you need to cut down.

Why? How does someone else taking scales affect you?

@TheBossOfMe Oh god I see what you mean, that would make me think a little. It's sucks doesn't it, a bit of enjoyment translating to a lot of effort after! I bet most men don't think like this.

YABU to weigh yourself every day and to take scales on holiday.

You seem to have missed my point/context. My suggestion was to save @Cadelo having to worry about calorie deficit.

These feeders are just like someone trying to pressure a recovering alcoholic into drinking. These want to feel better about their own poor eating habits by forcing you to share them. Having said that, I do find the scales thing a bit odd (but then, we all have our quirks.) A tape measure is a more reliable indicator of body composition and much more portable.

You may have a healthy bmi but you have an unhealthy relationship with food, maybe check in with your go and see what they advise?

Well done you. You are right to stick to a healthy eating plan and not want to be 60lb heavier ever agsin. It's no one else's business... probably jealous you look wonderful wish they had the will power to achieve what you have. Well done. You flaunt it girl

I am fat. I don't care, I eat as healthily as I can and am as active as I possibly can be. I am a carer so its not easy but I do my best. I don't care what ppl think of that and I enjoy food.

I think its always rude to comment on peoples food and eating habits unless asked for advice. Doesn't matter if they are fat or thin.

Yanbu. This is your choice your business no one elses.

Where is the unhealthy relationship with food ? The main points of criticism seem to be around OP weighing herself every day - which is not uncommon in those who have been successful in losing a lot of weight and not wanting it to creep back on. There’s nothing to suggest OP has an eating disorder - she says she has pizza, and ice cream etc, just not every day and the post detailing her typical eating habits sounds amazing. I’d hazard a guess that certain members of the OP’s family have unhealthy eating habits or are overweight and are actively trying to sabotage her success by making her rethink her regime. Much like a lot of posters here.

How on earth do you arrive at this conclusion. From the post giving details of her typical meals there’s nothing unhealthy about it. All she’s doing is making sure that the weight she has lost doesn’t creep back on - which it inevitably does if you don’t keep a careful eye on things.

For everyone saying what difference does it make to everyone else if OP brings scales I would be interested to understand that too - what difference does it make if you wake up in the morning 3lbs up?Are you happy to spend the day with everyone and relax or are you tense and resentful?When you wake up are you thinking about the ‘weigh-in’ rather than being present with your partner? Expect OP will say she would feel worse and more tense without the scales and I am sorry but that is why there are so many ED comments - it’s about the control and power it has over you

She has found a solution that she is comfortable with. Changes would be to benefit others.

I lost a lot of weight a while ago. It took a long time and I have no wish to repeat the experience. The last few pounds were the worst to get off and I know from experience that if I don’t weigh myself at least a few times a week, those few pounds will creep back on and will be just as hard to lose. I don’t feel tense and resentful if I put weight on - I just focus on cutting back a little until I’m back to my goal weight. I suspect that OP is the same and from what she’s posted if she’s worked hard to achieve significant weight loss, she will be aware of how easy it is to put back on. OP has found her own style of weight management which includes a healthy diet and a healthy BMI. That suggests that the control is hers, not the other way around.

All the people saying why do you need the scales, put them away, look at how they have power over you, etc —

Take down your mirrors, cover them up, just stop looking in them. After all, how you look is not important in any real way. Why check all the time, why give your appearance such importance, consider your anxiety when you don't like what you see, and all the disordered behaviours you engage in to 'rectify' how you look.

Aye, that's what I thought.

Leave OP and what she eats and her strategies for maintaining a healthy lifestyle alone.

This is what happens in the Jewish faith when in mourning - sitting Shiva. All mirrors are covered for the week long ritual so that mourners can concentrate on their grief and not worry what they look like. It focuses the mind.

It's AIBU, the entire premise is inviting discussion. My suggestion on tweaking calorie count methods was to benefit the OP.

That said, I think you're right insomuch as @Cadelo doesn't seem interested in others' thoughts - which tbf does pose the question why bother posting the thread? It probably should be in AMA.

Why would anyone else know she has taken scales? She's not weighing herself in the dining room, is she?

I understand where you’re coming from. You’re scared of losing control and know how hard you had to work to lose the weight. Don’t think about anyone else. Just you! I notice people say to me… drink up, is that all you’re ordering etc . I don’t comment on anyone else! I’m not at goal yet but when I am I feel I’ll be similar. It’s horrible when you wake up everyday upset by your body and having the strictness ensures it won’t happen again- if someone’s never been there, they won’t get it x