My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

You do you OP. You've worked out what works for you. Take your scales with you, it is no one else's business what you do to monitor your weight.

Your approach doesn't sound obessesive or disordered - you're getting the facts to help yourself. Yes, it is way easier to tweak thi gs rather than having 10lbs to lose after a 2 week holiday.

I suspect that my point of view will be in the minority.

but why should she?

What a load of pointless performance pomp to pander to busy body who can't politely be told "no thankyou" and insists on constantly trying to get people to eat what they haven't ordered. And OP is the one who is causing "something of a drama?"

Congratulations on your weight loss. I completely understand your point of view. I lost one and a half stone once but it was so hard and I couldn’t be near food or I wouldn’t be able t keep to my diet. I am now about two stone overweight from just letting little bits of weight accumulate so please, don’t give in to the people who have no right to nag you.

I’ve been slim my whole life and have always had comments (even from people I’ve worked with who I hardly know me). It’s always made me feel uncomfortable and wish people would mind their own business. No one ever said “You look nice,” so the comments always felt like a bad thing.
“All I ever see you do is eat. How come you are so thin?” While I ate my lunch of raw veg and at my desk and as they walked to the restaurant and back I was still eating the same plate of food.
”Oh I wish I could eat what I want like you and stay slim.” I ate sensibly, never drank, takeaways weren’t a thing and I was brought up on meat and 2 veg.
People even talked about me in front of me, “Oh doesn’t it make you sick. She is so thin and doesn’t even have to exercise,” I always went to an aerobics glass or to the gym.

Drink less alcohol. Do less drugs. Have less sex.

We still have to eat. It's fucking hard to be an addict to something you need to keep using. Multiple times a day. Social events are built around it. If OP needs a support tool to keep her on track, it's her business.

Nowhere has op said the feedback she's getting is that she's miserable... You're projecting your own bias there I reckon.
They are just questioning her food choices in a rudely challenging way.

As the saying goes: I’ll do me, you do you.

Your achievement is admirable. I have been lucky to be that size with no effort my whole life. But then, like you now, I nee as totally choose healthy options. I can’t imagine how tough it was for you to achieve what you did. If you were my sister, I would not put you under pressure to change a lifestyle that works for you, just like I wouldn’t put a teetotal recovered alcoholic under pressure to drink. It’s simply not kind.

As the saying goes: I’ll do me, you do you.

Your achievement is admirable. I have been lucky to be that size with no effort my whole life. But then, like you now, I nee as totally choose healthy options. I can’t imagine how tough it was for you to achieve what you did. If you were my sister, I would not put you under pressure to change a lifestyle that works for you, just like I wouldn’t put a teetotal recovered alcoholic under pressure to drink. It’s simply not kind.

Well done OP.

I managed to shift over a stone, got complacent and stopped weighing daily and yup, back on it crept, and then some. Heck of a shock when I next stepped on the scales.

I need to re-find the motivation, 3 stone to shift, and when I get back in the groove I will need to get back into the daily weighing habit. It's so demoralising to know that I wasted all that previous effort.

For those commenting on the OP's eating habits - well done OP on managing to change your eating habits in a way that can be maintained for life, that's the goal to maintaining, isn't it?

Nobody is forcing you to eat rubbish, or too much of it for that matter. Yes we all have to eat, that doesn’t mean you can’t be responsible about what you choose to put into your body.

Maybe, but it's still nothing to do with the SIL. I find it truly amazing learning from these pages how members of families feel they can make obnoxious comments to each other! Surely the first time the reply is 'Mind your own business, you're nothing to me".

Apologies for the double post - not sure what happened. And it should read that I tend to choose healthy options.

How long have you known SIL? My in-laws got quite offended that I don’t drink alcohol. For about 3 years, they acted like me not drinking alcohol was a personal attack on them. It’s not…I just don’t like it (I haven’t made any judgemental comments, as it’s not for moral reasons). Maybe SIL will come around one day, and realise your food choices aren’t a personal attack on her?

It sounds like she'd rather you were still fat. It's weird the way some people feel threatened by seeing other people achieve a goal.

Your SiL is jealous and it sounds like she would love to see you heavier! Stick to your guns, it’s none of her business what you eat or how you achieve your weight stability.

I take my scales too if it is a holiday by car. Just let’s me keep an eye on my weight.

I am in a similar position but you just have to ignore them and eat what suits you. Let’s hope they give up soon.

Well done on the weight loss and good luck with your new eating habits.

Nothing wrong with weighing yourself every day. It’s a good way to stop the weight piling back on, as mine did when I stopped weighing myself every day. Take your scales with you if you want to.
I think you should be quite assertive with the SIL, firmly tell her to stop commenting on what you are eating. If she persists you should take it to the next level and refuse to eat with her. And enlist your husband’s support before you go on holiday. He should be backing you up.

I think you absolutely can do whatever you want - but I wouldn't enjoy being on holiday with someone who didn't share my love of food, so for me that wouldn't be fun!

I think @keylimedog has summed it up, you’re simply not compatible holiday companions. For your SIL, eating and drinking more than usual is part of her holiday experience, whereas it isn’t for you. It’s like a beach lover going on holiday with someone who prefers sightseeing.

Going forward, I wouldn’t plan holidays together. As this one is arranged, perhaps say that you want to have some romantic meals alone with your DH, as well as group meals.

This is so true and very common. It's even worse if you used to drink and have chosen to give up or cut right down. People seem to take it incredibly personally.

You've done an incredible thing in making healthier choices for yourself, and then also figuring out a strategy to help you sustain these new habits (this is especially rare). Really well done, OP!

Please ignore and/or stay away from anyone who gives you a hard time or tries to suggest you are the 'disordered' one. Including many of the posters in this thread! As well as your SIL, and any other unpleasant family members, and soon to be ex-friends.

You know what's really disordered? Shovelling a wholly unnecessary excess of unhealthy food and drink down our gullets, when we know perfectly well how harmful this is to our health and wellbeing. As almost all people do these days. Just because it's become the norm doesn't make it is any less disordered.

I don’t think you do see food like fuel though do you?

I think your relationship with food is far more complex and tied up with your feelings and your past and past unhappiness than that. You say do yourself on your post. This isn’t a criticism, I’d say the vast majority of people’s relationship with food is more complex than “it’s just fuel”. mine is!

But it doesn't matter what they think, it's none of their business and the more the OP engages with this nasty woman the more she will go on bullying her about this issue now and other issues in the future, She needs to stop letting her get to her and tell her in words of one syllable to mind her own business.

I weigh myself daily - its really not that unusual, and I do it for the same reasons as the OP, I hate having to be in a calorie deficit for any real period of time, so I'd rather just cut back for a single day if I've put some weight on the day before. I wouldn't go so far as to take scales on holiday, but I do consciously think "are my clothes feeling a bit tight" when I'm away. Food is a huge part of the enjoyment of life for me - so I'll enjoy what I cook, what I eat, just do it in moderation so I never have to go through the whole rigmarole of a long term diet. And having a couple of slices of pizza and a salad is hardly starving yourself!

It's fine to eat what you want and you just have to ignore people's comments. They are a reflection of them and their own issues, not a reflection on you. I do think weighing yourself every day is a little obsessive. Weight fluctuates over the month due to all sorts of things (ovulation etc) so if it goes up and down by a couple of pounds over the weeks, it's not significant.