Once spent most of the past 3 years in bed, without anyone knowing…

[SinkingFeelingSoph]

Late 40s, one young child. After I’ve got DC off to school I have zero energy to clean or work or do anything really. I sort of zone out and often go back to bed. I then go get DC from school and function til their bedtime. Then I’m exhausted again.

Nobody knows. I’m a single parent and look presentable when out. But I’m barely living.

On antidepressants recently and feel
even more frozen. Tried HRT but even under the guidance of a well-respected professional, couldn’t get the dose right (suspected PMDD) and felt suicidal. Better off it and too scared to experiment again.

Hate the small town I live in. I need help but having talking therapy and telling the GP has done nothing.

I don’t know what to do. Feel I’m living in The Hours, or as an incapacitated retiree. I spent years in an abusive relationship and still need to deal with him. Sounds extreme but I feel I’m in some sort of prolonged PTSD

Have you tried anti-depressants?

Have you tried reading the OP?

@SinkingFeelingSoph

I'm so sorry, I hope things get better and you get help and a way out of this 💐

Sorry to hear OP. You deserve better.

Can you make an appt with another GP or a walk in GP service? If you have suspected PMDD you need support and guidance. There are good PMDD resources out there that you might relate to or find comfort in - try the Reddit thread, just google ‘PMDD Reddit’.

Have you had any blood tests to see if you are deficient in something else? You really should go back to your gp. You shouldn’t have to live like this

May I ask what PMDD is please?

Thank you

Sorry you are feeling this way. Have you done a blood test to check all your levels? I would want your thyroid and iron/vitamin D levels checked.

I know it is hard but sometimes I end up more tired and sluggish at home. Can you try and spend time in a cafe, go out for a walk when you first do the school run. Get yourself out and about.

Have you had your thyroid, vit B and vit d levels tested? It’s definitely possible that this is a physical issue. I lived the same way as this at uni and found it was actually a minor heart condition making me super tired and listless.

@GalileoHumpkins I misread the OP and thought she'd tried HRT.

There's absolutely no need for your snippy reply.

How recently did you start antidepressants?? It takes 2 plus weeks to feel the benefit and that's if you are on the right dose or even medication to suit you. Getting bloods taken is a good step too.

Get every blood test under the sun done - iron, B12, Thyroid, FSH/LH the works. If you're not perimenopausal but can see a clear link with your cycle ask for a referral to gynae and/or endocrinology. You shouldn't be feeling like this.

Also while the weather is cooler but nicer try and make yourself go for a walk straight after school drop off, then go home and have a shower and something to eat, then if you're still feeling rotten go to bed.

I have been like this, Drs prescribed antidepressants, because of lack of change they kept trying different ones. One made me suicidal, two others meant that I was going around as if hungover. It is very dispiriting.
It was having an event 'outside of me' that made me start to improve. A health emergency in close family that I had to help with. I couldn't dodge it.
After that I started to function better, but I am still only on reduced power and improving very slowly.

Ah my mum did this in my teens. Just stayed in bed apart from work. A bad break up triggered it. No one knew it was happening.

I would say maybe you should just go for it and rest? If you feel up to it you could take up a hobby like crochet, something you can do sitting down on the sofa with a blanket on at least.

Of course walks outside in the fresh air, eating more fresh veg, all the usual lifestyle advice for depression will help but it's not going to be an instant cure. Just do what you can.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder

Extreme and disabling PMT

Try the book ‘Love yourself like your life depends on it’ by Ravikant.

Amazing book that got me out of a dark place. Read the book and do the exercises without fail as much as you can. Hourly, maybe more. Do it for you. Very simple tasks that can be done from your bed.

A daily walk. Make a calendar and colour every day you manage a walk. Aim to colour your calendar. You can get a print out of a trees where you colour the leaves each day you walk.

I would go for very small, simple things and track the small progress. And celebrate each small success.

That book is simple but effective

I am a diagnosed PMDD sufferer.
PMDD is linked to your menstrual cycle, it impacts different people differently, but the majority report suicidal feelings and ideation 3-4 days before their period is due, serious depression until day 3 of their period and then it eases off and these low feelings semi stop as your period stops and comes back 3-4 days before you are due on again.
it is very cyclical and what you describe seems more permanent than PMDD, so it’s not likely to be that, as PMDD is a medical issue and yours seems emotional.
However, a low/depressive mood coupled with PTSD is an issue - have you tried CBT or RET? I had RET after being assaulted at work left me with PTSD and it’s done wonders, rather than anti depression pills as I can’t tolerate any more bloody tablets.

So sorry you are going through this I also have ptsd due to a bad relationship, violent assaults etc decades ago.I had a bad breakdown 6 years ago and I still live with crippling anxiety, depression and agoraphobia so the breakdown actually feels like it made it all worse.

To get myself back on track and get through any day let alone the bad days I have a little routine. I don’t and won’t take antidepressants as when i did years ago made everything far worse.

It means I have set household chores, or life admin to do each week day, for me this is usually in the mornings. Then I focus on hobbies (I literally make myself do them even if not enjoyable or else the symptoms and staying in bed come back) lunch to mid afternoon. And then maybe a film or tv show or a book for an hour or so in the evening.

So for example I’ll do life admin say on a Wednesday and get the food shop for the week so that’s the bills paid, everything organised make myself open letters, meal plan done so no need to think and the food in the house to get us through the week. Then that afternoon for example I’ll attempt a hobby, or maybe go for a walk or very occasionally get a coffee out.

Then say Thursday I do the washing all morning then in the afternoon I have a set hobby to do each Thursday, for example read a chapter of my book with a hot chocolate, watch an episode of a tv show and sort out the front garden.

The set routine is the only thing that really helps and means things get done.

Fresh air and garden/nature does help once I can make myself do it but I know how hard it is.

I'm so sorry OP. I don't know what to say that won't sound trite and I'm sure you've tried it but for me going for a walk, taking a bath, going shopping for food or walking to a cafe and reading first thing after dropping DC off helped.

I'd bet you are experiencing a delayed reaction from the abuse. Mine wasn't too bad compared to what some experience, but after a day where I'd been shouted at I would drop DC off and then lie on my bed for literally hours. It's tough.

And btw yes I think it’s all linked to the abusive relationship and your body trying to get you through, I am the same myself x

Thank you everyone. Interesting to hear it’s so abnormal… I mean I know but to see it in black and white.

Have been tested for everything with bloods, they came back fine (always a bit low on iron). The PMDD was suspected as smack bang in the middle of my cycle I have terrible flashes of rage, amongst other things. That resolved with the antidepressants. Have been chopping and changing AD though as was experiencing side effects (rash etc)

Have always been a bit like this ie when I worked 4 days a week the 5th day was spent “recovering” at home. I think without the structure of a proper job I just go to pieces. I do wonder about ADHD (am totally overwhelmed by household chores, live in absolute chaos, can’t just do one thing without getting distracted etc), but that possibility is given short shrift and is hard to diagnose.

Thanks for the tips. I will do a walk after the school run (which I walk anyway) and try being out of the house a bit more. Also will look into different therapies.

It does feel physical though. It’s just hard to know where to start investigating. My drs must think I’m a total health anxious nut, as have been talking about this to them for years.

Oh, I also had a huge unrelated health scare last year… that gave me a kick up the proverbial for maybe a few weeks, then I was back to this!

@Tbry24 thank you, your routine makes sense to me and I think that’s exactly what I need to force myself to do too

When I read your OP, I wondered about either ADHD or ASD, so it's very interesting what you've now said.

I think it would absolutely be worth looking into.

@FairyMaclary thank you, I’ll look up that book and the colouring

If you are researching treatment, have a look at EMDR. My friend who has PTSD had it and it was life changing.
I don't know if it's suitable for everyone but worth looking into.

I wish you well