Once spent most of the past 3 years in bed, without anyone knowing…

[SinkingFeelingSoph]

Late 40s, one young child. After I’ve got DC off to school I have zero energy to clean or work or do anything really. I sort of zone out and often go back to bed. I then go get DC from school and function til their bedtime. Then I’m exhausted again.

Nobody knows. I’m a single parent and look presentable when out. But I’m barely living.

On antidepressants recently and feel
even more frozen. Tried HRT but even under the guidance of a well-respected professional, couldn’t get the dose right (suspected PMDD) and felt suicidal. Better off it and too scared to experiment again.

Hate the small town I live in. I need help but having talking therapy and telling the GP has done nothing.

I don’t know what to do. Feel I’m living in The Hours, or as an incapacitated retiree. I spent years in an abusive relationship and still need to deal with him. Sounds extreme but I feel I’m in some sort of prolonged PTSD

I'm very much like this OP but the gp won't do tests. I do work but on my days off and days when I don't have my children I sleep most of the day and then the night. I'm always always tired just easier when I'm distracted by something that keeps me awake. 💐

Sorry to hijack, again so similar to me... Did you not take add-back HRT with prostap? Are you still on it? I'm on a similar drug for PMDD, with HRT, but it's just making me feel flat 100% of the time.

Bless you
I hope you are ok 😘
your description of how when you worked 4 days you spent the 5th day recovering… this is me it’s exactly what I do every week….
I also feel total lack of motivation when I have time off work and nothing planned… I think it’s just where we get ourselves into a routine and have that purpose when working etc.
Im on a unplanned week off this week, I had to take due to an infection outbreak at my work It threw me out a little to begin with as it’s out of routine for me not to be at work… at start of week I did nothing and just over thought everything (work hasn’t been a nice place recently) I ended up making myself feel drained… at the same time I didn’t want to waste my time off… so I decided to set myself
a daily to do list, it’s not too much but I find that it makes me a bit more motivated having that plan.
you say that you have fallen a bit behind with household tasks. Why not try setting yourself a small daily task and see if that helps…
😊

Op you sound a lot like me. I have ASD and really struggle with household chores, organisation, general motivation. At times when I could in the past I would easily just spend time in bed and would have low energy, it’s really easy to get into that pattern. Now I have DC and I hold down a professional job. I need the routine to function. Im on mat leave at the moment and have planned things for each day so I know what I’m doing otherwise I’d fall back into the pattern of doing nothing and wouldn’t be able to do anything. Can you start small by planning a weekday trip on the same day each week to a cafe or for a walk and build up from there? Get a routine going.

I'd also like to know this. Been on prostrap injections for 6 months and using daily HRT tibelone alongside. I still feel like I'm battling PMDD symptoms sometimes. Am I better off going without the HRT?

Sorry you’re going through this too. I was told they wouldn’t give it to me without HRT because it’s necessary to protect bone and cardiovascular health.

@GGenAvocadoOnToast I tried....After 5 blissful months of hormones turned off, they put me on tibolone , all physical symptoms of my PMDD returned within 3 days and day 5 my head was back to a dark place. By day ten, i struggled getting out of bed. My husband said the change was that sudden and significant, it was like " someone had fed me after midnight!" 🤣🙈 They are in the bin and they are not coming back out, and i will manage what they are intended to manage with diet, lifestyle and supplements. Give me unadulterated clinical menopause any day, over how women like us react to hormones!!

Treatment can also be psycho educational, and you can follow that path with so much more confidence when fully diagnosed. Its not a bandwagon, its progress. Most ADHD/ASD and autistic women over 40 are undiagnosed! Medication has its place but to understand your own mind, educate yourself on strategies and live life how you need to live it rather than how you feel you are expected to be a lot more empowering than medication.

Read, read and read some more, then take control. :) you can do this Xx

I used to do that when I felt depressed and due on/on my period. My hormones hit rock bottom and I felt overwhelmingly tired. I was told to go for an hours walk straight after the morning school run,and get some sun on me. It works, because I've stopped doing it.

Could it be ptsd or C-ptsd OP? Have you considered that angle? I recently had a burn out which sounds a lot like your situation. I just had no energy to do anything at all. Had to stay in bed all day. Burn out is more common for people with Cptsd.

I also read about functional freeze which is a trauma response for some people who have (C) ptsd. Basically you appear outwardly functioning to people you come into contact with but the rest of the time you take refuge in bed or mindlessly watching tv, scrolling social media etc.

This is interesting, thank you for clarifying. I felt ok-ish on 50 micrograms of oestrogen but whenever I try to increase it, my mood plummets. Unfortunately my joints ache horribly on 50 so I feel like I can’t win. I do remember reading a post on Reddit from a young woman who had the same experience as you - it only worked with no add-back hormones - and she ended up having an oophorectomy and accepted the risks that came with not taking HRT.

@HelenHywater I haven’t heard the term ‘functional freeze’ but I’m going to look it up now as this sounds like what I do. It doesn’t help that I only ever feel truly safe once I’m locked in my flat, the blinds are shut and it’s very quiet (so late at night).

google will tell you. just enter PMDD and press search

I could definitely see myself in this situation,
I need structure and routine and am happier with it, but find it really hard to impose it on myself.

hence why work for me is very important, but if not well enough for that I think if it was me I’d have to have regular groups or classes or meet ups with friends to give me that structure and routine and time out of the house. But I know that is easier said than done,

even if you can start by finding something to do in the morning then going to bed in the afternoon til pick up at first

And how are you feeling about impending school holidays? Will that help in that you’ll be up for your dc and do stuff with them? Or do you think you won’t feel able to?

Could it be ME? It sounds like it could be as extreme exhaustion is the main symptom. I agree you need to go back to your GP or try a different GP.
I really hope things improve for you.

Hi, I also think checking out some form of neurodivergence might be a good idea. Your need for a recovery day off from working is what makes me think it. You might be in the midst of autistic burnout brought about from abuse and life in general. It might also explain why you can’t tolerate anti depressants well and hrt is a bad call - you could be extra sensitive to the drugs which is common in autism for e.g.

If it feels physical I'd be concerned about ME, it sounds likely when you're physically exhausted from being up between school finishing and bed time.
Is there any family/friends you can tell?Reading between the lines it sounds like you're struggling to keep your home tidy and have some shame about this, and maybe a reason you've not told anyone. If you were my family member or friend I would hate to think you've not reached out for some help.

I was going to suggest ASD/ADHD burnout /masking might be part of your health issues

I could of written this needed 15 to 18 hrs of sleep a day to function. Suffer with severe mh conditions and physical health issues and take a ridiculous amount of meds a day. I know your going to roll your eyes at this as I did to but changing your diet works wonders iv never had so much energy and theirs a lot of studies showing mental health and gut health are closely linked.

I was like this - v tired from burnout and depression. It took me a long time to realise the antidepressants I was taking (fluoxetine) had slowly made the fatigue immeasurably worse as well - that waking up to do school run, going back to sleep till I had to do the school run again, rest until dinner and then I could lie down completely to start all over again

I felt like the walking dead.

took me 4 types till I found the antidepressants that work for me

OP I haven’t RTFT but I saw your post and immediately thought it sounded like narcolepsy. We have narcolepsy in the family which is why I say that. Apologies if someone else has mentioned this already or if this is now off-topic. Might be worth getting checked out for that if you haven’t already. Best wishes and hang on in there.

Can the GP refer you to the community mental health team? Perhaps a mental health OT may be able to offer some help and advice. How are you managing weekends and school holidays? Spending so much time in bed is ok for a day or two but not three years.

Your describing ADHD and autism
I got diagnosed last year age 50
Your describing burnout I was ,on NHS. Waiting list for 3 years . totally worth it to have everything make sense

@SinkingFeelingSoph Do you have work and do you know if you feel better with or without work?

@ElecticBetty would you be okay to tell us which med finally worked for you?

@Summerpigeon how did the diagnosis help ypu please?

What were your B12 levels? Also iron, D3, thyroid levels?