Once spent most of the past 3 years in bed, without anyone knowing…

[SinkingFeelingSoph]

Late 40s, one young child. After I’ve got DC off to school I have zero energy to clean or work or do anything really. I sort of zone out and often go back to bed. I then go get DC from school and function til their bedtime. Then I’m exhausted again.

Nobody knows. I’m a single parent and look presentable when out. But I’m barely living.

On antidepressants recently and feel
even more frozen. Tried HRT but even under the guidance of a well-respected professional, couldn’t get the dose right (suspected PMDD) and felt suicidal. Better off it and too scared to experiment again.

Hate the small town I live in. I need help but having talking therapy and telling the GP has done nothing.

I don’t know what to do. Feel I’m living in The Hours, or as an incapacitated retiree. I spent years in an abusive relationship and still need to deal with him. Sounds extreme but I feel I’m in some sort of prolonged PTSD

I agree with pp who have suggested you get your thyroid checked - if this hasn’t already been done.
I felt exactly as you describe and when it was eventually diagnosed I started on thyroxine and within 10 days I felt a completely different person.

In the functional medicine world, optimal ferritin level is at least 100. You know you can buy iron tablets over the counter and they won’t hurt you.

Heavens op. Anyone would feel depressed in the circumstances you find yourself in. It's a totally understandable and sane response to not having autonomy over your own life and your own decisions.

Getting back on your feet with your MH, or at least having evidence to show to job centre or benefits agency could possibly help perhaps? Or help you explore strategies that will help your executive function issues?

Perhaps seeking an ASD or ADHD diagnosis might help:

www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/autism-training-and-best-practice/diagnostic-services]]" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/autism-training-and-best-practice/diagnostic-services]]]]

And maybe the Freedom Programme will help you with your abusive ex:

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/]]" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/]]]]

Ditto, Women''s Aid: www.womensaid.org.uk/]]" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.womensaid.org.uk/]]]]

refuge.org.uk/i-need-help-now/coercive-control/]]" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://refuge.org.uk/i-need-help-now/coercive-control/]]]]

Good luck op. I really am batting for you. 💐

One's life does get put on hold to a certain degree when you are in sole control of a young child but you might take small, incremental steps to help yourself towards greater independence once he is a little older:

In terms of housekeeping, there is a very helpful and friendly long-running thread on here that follows the best bit of the Flylady system; looking under housekeeping topic:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/housekeeping/5108212-july-flylady-thread-would-july-k-to-join-us]]" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/housekeeping/5108212-july-flylady-thread-would-july-k-to-join-us]]]]

And another very simple app which helps is the TOMM method especially the clean along podcasts:

theorganisedmum.com/]]" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://theorganisedmum.com/]]]]

Sorry about the strange formatting in my last post, not sure what happened when I edited it, but hope essential info still clear. My executive function could do with improvement too 😆

What dietary changes did you make? That would interest me. My energy and motivation have dipped a lot recently due to stress.

I don’t mean to focus on your house particularly but A Slob Comes Clean is a brilliant resource when you’re overwhelmed and underpowered. Hugely understanding, non judgemental and very attuned to neurodiverse brains.

Keto, but even just cutting portion sizes and potentially eating 4 small meals rather the 1 or 2 larger meals. I think eating heavy carb meals messed up my blood sugars (I'm not diabetic), and kept putting me in food comas which made me sluggish all the time.

hi all, thought I’d give an update a year on. I got into a new relationship shortly after writing this, I think partly thanks to the sertraline helping me function normally (not on it anymore because of side effects). That seemed quite healing - although of course was an external thing rather than looking into myself. But helped me get out and about. And I’m part-way through an ADHD diagnosis, but ASD is also seeming likely. I got a three-day a week job (one day in the office) which is overwhelming but gives me some structure. The relationship is currently on the rocks (he has undiagnosed quite severe ASD) and we both experience Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria so that’s been hard. Bi-weekly therapy has been helpful. I started taking progesterone and that helped! But was off licence and now have been switched to something else I’m nervous to take. Have found support with friends who have experienced similar… also a saffron supplement seems to help mood stay stable.

So many women seem to be suffering and struggling for answers. There’s a woman on IG - mrspaularickard who is researching the link between ADHD, trauma and how it affects our hormonal sensitivity and brain function. But still no real answers yet!

But despite the relationship drama, I’m in a better place than this time last year. Just rereading this thread and there’s so much good advice and support. Thank you all

aww this is a great update, I’m so happy to hear you’re doing much better. A year isn’t long in the grand scheme of things. Stop, copy the link to this thread, and put it in a reminder for this time next year :)

Sorry , I only just saw you asked me how getting a diagnosis helped me .
I thought I had bipolar,I was so sure that was what was wrong with me
It turned out my moods were shutdowns and meltdowns..I had no idea at all.
I still don't really understand autism very much
My brain can't concentrate enough to read the huge piles of books I have on it .
I was tried on every antidepressants possible,and I could feel them working within hours of taking one ,just turning me in to a zombie.so none of them were suitable for me .they stopped me from reacting in dangerous situations.
I'm awaiting ADHD meds , hopefully this year .
But since diagnosis,I'm kinder to myself,I say no a lot more to things and people I know are not good for me .
I do understand myself better,and things I felt I shouldn't or should be doing because other people did the same ,I now give myself permission to not be same as everyone else ...if that makes sense.
I'm still struggling, diagnosis hasn't been a magic wand.but it has given a sense of peace within myself,and I'm forever greatful to the NHS for diagnosing me ,as an adult I thought i wasn't a priority,and thoroughly expected to be told to get a grip .but it just took one doctor to actually care enough to refer me ,and he made all the difference to my life ,after a lifetime of being dismissed by other doctors

Anti histamines and birth control are good for PMDD

I’m really glad you’re in a better place OP, thanks for updating. I went through the first couple of pages again and saw I posted saying I felt similarly and was just about to start ADHD medication. Happy to report that Elvanse has been an enormous help for me. I went from needing to go back to bed every day to only once in a blue moon when I felt unwell or the PMDD was particularly bad, and my motivation increased enormously. Getting stuff done became a hobby. I hope a diagnosis is helpful for you too, whether you choose to take medication or not.