Curfew for 16 year old during summer

[oliwiagrzeda]

I am 16 years old (girl if that makes a difference) and my curfew is currently 10:30pm. I find this quite unreasonable as when I am out, the buses are either at 9pm or 11pm which means I always have to get the 9pm bus. I understand during school time, but it is currently the summer holidays so I feel like I’m missing out on a lot as most people my age that I know either don’t have a curfew or have a later curfew of around 1 or 2 am. I want to know if people think this is resonable or if my parents are being too strict about this.

I think 10:30pm is a pretty reasonable curfew for a 16 year old. You could ask your parents about taxis or getting lifts from them sometimes to enable you to stay out a bit later. I had a similar curfew at 16 - once I'd demonstrated I could be trusted to manage my time within that boundary, my parents were happy to arrange some exceptions to the rule for special occasions like parties, and to either pick me up or split a taxi fare with me.

Could you see if you could negotiate the later 11pm bus at weekends or once or twice per week and other times get the earlier one.
Compromise for all?

I’d be relaxed about you getting the 11pm bus, as long as a) it’s reliable and b) waiting for the bus doesn’t mean hanging around in a dodgy area on your own.

Have you spoken to your parents about the logistics of this? If they want you back at 10:30 but won't extend it, ever, to 11:15 when it seems to make so much sense... I get the feeling there's something you're not saying.

Have you missed curfews before, or broken their trust, or found yourself in dangerous situations, or do you have friends they don't trust? Something else?

If your parents are working and eg have to be up at 630 then they aren’t going to want to be waiting up for you to get in at like 1115. Unfortunately! You’re still young enough that your parents would want you to be safe home before they turned in. The infrequent buses sound like the problem. Maybe friends’ parents can do a bit of a rota of collecting…

For me the issue would be I would want to know your in safe and sound before going to bed. 11:15 is too late for me to go to bed on a work night regularly.

I would allow it once or twice a week especially if there was something special happening. Maybe see if that’s an option.

My 16 year old has to be home by 7pm if he's getting a bus or walking.

He can stay out later if I'm picking him up.

10.30pm is late enough. After midnight is ridiculous.

my parents found out I was drinking a couple months ago at my friends 16th which they were not happy about and I have been punished for that and now every time I am out somewhere where people might be drinking I tell my parents and I also tell them if I had anything to drink. I am usually with my boyfriend whenever I’m in town as most of my friends live out of town and at that time we are usually at his house. He also walks me to the bus stop so that I do not have to be out alone at that time.

7pm for a 16 year old! That is ridiculous!

all my friends live in different areas so it wouldn’t make sense for one’s parents to drive everyone so we usually meet up at someone’s house

As a parent I would probably agree to the 11pm bus (assuming it's quite a quick journey by bus, not an hour or something). However, circumstances might also be pertinent here. Would you be alone waiting for the bus or walking back home from the bus? What are crime rates like in your area? What would you actually be doing until 11pm? Hanging around on the street/public places, or indoors at a friend's (parent's) house? Any previous incidents that have occurred when you've been out of an evening (drink, drugs, mixing with dodgy characters etc)? All those things would be factors in my decision as a parent.

I'm not sure I'd be entirely comfortable with a 16 y/o daughter being out and about on her own much after 9pm in most parts of the country. However, I do live in a rather rural part of the world now, so would perhaps be less concerned.

When I was a teenager (1990's), we had no trouble getting served alcohol in pubs from age 14, or getting into nightclubs from 15/16. I think I'd be happier about a 16 year old son or daughter drinking down the pub until 11pm than just 'out and about' on the streets (even without alcohol). These days I get the impression it's a lot harder to get served under age than it used to be, which is actually a bit of a shame in some ways.

I was going to say 10.30 then I saw the situation about the buses. I would say to get the 11pm bus if you are going to be home by 11.15.

I'd be okay with the 11pm bus but I'd want to know:
Where you'd be
Who your with
What the plan was if you accidentally missed the 11pm bus (assuming this was the last bus) I wouldn't want you getting stranded,
And I'd want a text once you were on that bus.
My mum was quite strict and My curfew was 9pm until I was 18. I used to lie about where I was staying and tell her I was at my best friends house for a sleepover at 15/16 when I was actually drunk in a field somewhere or at some random house party so I plan to give my two girls that little bit more freedom in the hope they don't feel the need to lie when they reach that age.

YABU

Ah. Are they trying to stop you getting too friendly with your boyfriend? Do they like him?

You don't have to answer obviously, it just seems like there might be something underlying this. If you can figure out what it is you might be able to have a productive discussion about it.

im not sure I think they like him tho. They said they don’t have a problem with him getting the 11:15 bus from my house (he doesn’t have a curfew) but they don’t want me being in town that late so it’s not really a problem about him if that makes sense

Sorry I wasn't clear.

My 16 year old currently has to be in by 7pm if he's making his own way home as he was set upon by some other kids recently and the police were involved.

He can stay out later if I pick him up!

Since you seem like quite an intelligent and reasonable teen, perhaps you could compromise and ask for 2/3 nights a week when you get the later bus?

Offer to keep them in the loop and let them know which days you’ll be on the later one. Stay in contact, keep your phone charged.

Good luck xx

The issue for me would be travelling home alone. I wouldn’t have a problem with my 16yo staying up until 11ish now and again, but would not let her travel alone at night. Deal breaker for me.

My friends all have my mums number so I can contact her whenever my phone is out of charge. I got told before that during summer I will be able to get the 11 bus but for some reason my parents have changed their minds and there only respons is that it is too late for a 16 year old, even tho they were okay with it before.

oliwiagrzeda · Today 22:33
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 22:30
On the face of it, 11pm bus feels reasonable.

What time would that get you home and how far would your walk in the dark from the bus stop be?
**
I would be home at around 11:10- 11:15 and the bus stop is right outside my house.

In which case, as mum to two now adult people, I think the 11pm bus is perfectly reasonable.

Could you ask your parent(s) to do the journey with you one evening, to put their mind(s) at rest?

A few this things to consider

How far is the bus stop from your house etc…

Are you in a group or alone

How close are you to 17 or have you just turned 16…

Your parents will be concerned about you walking home alone past 11pm. If the bus is right beside your house then that’s not so bad but where do you catch the bus from- are you waiting on your own or with friends etc…

As much as it will feel like they are trying to ruin your fun they really won’t be. They’ll love you and want you to be safe. There are some strange people and the later it is, the less likely there will be other people about. We shouldn’t have to think like that but sadly being a female we are more valuable than a man.

Superb typo in the final line!

It does. I can see both sides. Obviously I don't know where you live but some areas are just not safe to be knocking about in at night, for anyone really.

What I would suggest is, think about what compromises you could make, and then present it like a business case. Parents want to know that our kids are making good choices. If we think they won't or can't, that's when we step in and make the choices for them. So if you can show your parents that you're making all the right calls, might they be willing to compromise?

For example, could you:

• start small and ask for just one night at first
• get yourself a personal attack alarm, and show them
• show them the route to the bus stop on Google maps, so they can see it's not far
• share your phone location with them
• text or call them when you get on the bus

I have turned 16 in march and my friends / boyfriend walk me to the bus stop and wait there with me until I have gotten onto the bus. I have gotten the 11pm bus once from my boyfriends and he offered to get it with me as it goes straight back into town to make sure I get home okay.