To have asked nanny to take her shoes off

[Bluegreenyellowredorange]

My husband and I decided to employ a nanny for our 2 DC ages 1 and 5. This will be the first time we've used a nanny.

We interviewed a lady on Saturday. She arrived just as we’d got home from a walk and as usual we all took our shoes off as we came in. She left hers on though and my husband asked her to take them off when she walked into the living room. I’ll be honest it was a little awkward as I think it took her by surprise. They are newish carpets so I can see where he is coming from but I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it myself. I guess most people don’t expect to take their shoes off in an interview (even though it’s a house and not an office?).

Anyway, the interview went well and she had plenty of experience and qualifications and I’ve tried to contact her (yesterday and today) to arrange a taster session but she hasn’t got back to me. It’s such a minor thing but I’m guessing it put her off. I can’t think of anything else.

Did we do something wrong?

Why do you think you're entitled to walk in dirt, mud and germs onto people's carpet which they keep clean?

Also.. if you're going to someone's house for the first time, do you check with them to see if you're allowed shoes on or not?

@Bluegreenyellowredorange if you are that petty about shoes you should have offered a pair of slippers/flip flops/ socks to put on

I would not have taken the job either.

People saying they assume that anyone asking for shoes to be removed are going to be anal about their carpets are being ridiculous. Not wanting avoidable mess on the carpet (dirty outdoor shoes) is not the same as being intolerant of accidental, unavoidable mess.

All you can infer from being asked to take your shoes off is that the parents will be angry if you damage their carpets in a foreseeable and preventable way. Which isn't unreasonable at all.

I absolutely would ask the King to take his shoes off if he came to visit, and I would enjoy asking very very much.

OP, if the nanny doesn't want the job because of the shoes off thing then she's not the right nanny for you. The fact that she didn't take off her shoes herself, or at least ask if she should, when she saw that none of you had shoes on, would have been a red flag to me. But shoes off is a cultural thing for me, no one would ever wear shoes in my house (except workers who have to keep safety shoes on) and I would never need to ask because its automatic for everyone. Even if the President came to visit my house I bet he'd take his shoes off without even thinking about it.

Don't babies go outside any more?

Maybe. But if she's not one of them, then she wouldn't want to take that job.

I don't think anyone who is "shoes on" feels entitled to walk in mud. "Shoes on" people ask if the host minds them taking off their shoes if they've been walking in mud. The argument is over a) the extent to which you worry about invisible germs as opposed to visible mud and b) whether you've been brought up to believe it's rude to start discarding items of clothing in someone else's house without being invited to.

We're a "shoes on" house, but we both have "indoor" shoes and "outdoor" shoes. I'll take a bag out to the bin, or collect some lettuce from the greenhouse, in my indoor shoes, but I won't use them to go and dig in the garden. If someone has got into their car, parked it down the road, walked along the pavement and up our front path to the house, I'm not going to ask them to take their shoes off. If on the other hand they have walked across the park after rain and arrive with mud caked shoes, they (if a shoes on person) will ask me if they should take off their shoes.

Of course you remove shoes if the place of work is someone's carpeted house and the carpets are clean or new! If you were in an office then of course no, but someones house?! of course!

My Mother attended a grammar school where they had indoor shoes and so we have always taken our shoes off in our home.

As the nanny would be at work I would say that she can wear indoor shoes rather than slippers if she felt she needed to wear them. My own slippers are rip off Ugg ankle boots but I never wear them outside, not even to nip to a bin. I have slip on shoes both by the front and back doors to wear outside for such jobs as does Dh and the children too.

I would have taken this as a sign of her attention to detail and consideration.

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do". You might not know the rules of an establishment, but you can gauge them pretty quickly by looking around.

even at my kid’s pre school they have indoor and outdoor shoe policy. Everyone - kids, teachers, parents take their shoes in the hallway and go in the classroom with indoor shoes (socks or barefoot for parents).
baffles me that people would track dirt in their houses. Yes, kids go outside and play but they take shoes off at home and wash their hands as soon as they’re inside. It’s basic hygiene.

I'd mirror what the hosts / potential employers were doing. If they took shoes off, I would. If they kept their shoes on, I would.

Same with jackets, tea / coffee/ water. Eating a biscuit etc etc

My DS's nursery and my DD's school are shoes off too, though only teachers bother with indoor shoes, the children are just in socks. The nursery has shoe covers for parents to put on when collecting their child if they don't want to take their shoes off but the school expects parents to take their shoes off when visiting for parents evening etc. Cultural again, no one has an issue with this here.

The reason they say kids must wear indoor shoes is in case of emergency evacuation would be unsafe for them to go out in socks/ barefoot.

As a former nanny, I always took my shoes off in people’s houses or if I noticed that they were wearing them I would ask if I should take mine off.

As an experienced nanny, she would have worked with all kinds of parents and has a good idea of what she prefers. After all, you’re not just working with children but you are working with their parents too. It could have been your husband’s tone or the vibe he gave that maybe suggested to her that he is patronising or micro-managing. It could have triggered a memory of a time when an employer was very pedantic at the interview stage and then went on to be a nightmare to work for and she regretted not listening to her gut feeling.

As a nanny, there isn’t much progression within the job- though it pays very well- which means you find other parts of the job to upgrade. Imagine that your first job paid the standard rate, the employer’s house was old and crumbling, you looked after three children, one of which was still a baby, were expected to do babysitting two evenings a week at no extra pay and the family paid you cash in hand. You would want your next family to pay you a bit more and declare all of your earnings, live in a beautiful and uplifting house in a nice area, look after 2 well-behaved school-aged children, do only light housework, no babysitting in the evening because they hire someone else for that, get on well with the parents and feel like you’re part of the family rather than a servant.

I once turned down a family where the mum seemed highly strung, overly expressive in her negative emotions when talking to her baby even though everything seemed perfect on paper. I said to myself, hell no. She also didn’t like me because I had asked her lots of questions like ‘how do you react when a nanny makes a mistake or hasn’t completed her work by the time you get home from work?’

Also, if she is very experienced, that’s not always a good thing- she might have become very jaded and wants the best working conditions and the highest pay while delivering only a good enough service. She knows how to please employers without going the extra mile. She also knows that she is highly in demand as an experienced nanny and can pick and choose exactly what she wants.

You’re better off with a less experienced but more keen younger nanny who wants to be a great nanny and learn a little on the job.

At the school they take shoes off at the door, then carry them up to their classroom to leave in the hallway outside under their coat pegs, so they can get them on quickly if needed (as they do for fire drills) but if necessary they can evacuate in their socks, its not like the playground is covered in broken glass. At nursery I assume they will just take them straight outside in their socks if they have to evacuate.

Unfortunately it seems like the majority in the UK do wear outdoor shoes in the house so it can be awkward to ask visitors to remove them. I wish it was the norm as it is in many other countries, where they have a shoe bench/seat and basket of slippers (usually plastic so easily cleanable) by the front door, and visitors don't have to be asked. Tradesmen who obviously are an exception can wear shoe covers.

What alternative perceptions are you thinking of? I ask people to remove their shoes because shoes are dirty and I like my floors to be clean (ish)- it’s common sense and basic hygiene in my opinion

There's a weird thing on mumsnet where people think asking people to take shoes off when you're a no-shoe household, is somehow odd and rude. YANBU. She ought to have noticed too.

Cringing at all those who think dog shitty carpets are ok!

p.s not everyone can just afford to replace carpets with hard wood flooring or tiles or whatever

Erm. Yes. But you don't let them crawl on the pavement where there could be dogmuck etc. usually.

Shoes on in carpeted rooms is disgusting, bottoms of shoes can be wet/muddy/dog shitty and just plain old dirty. I don't want your dirty shoes on my carpets! If you were popping in and just coming into the kitchen then keep them on because hard floors are easy to clean.

I cringe more at people who walk round in shoes covered in dog shit tbh

Exactly!

I couldn't be bothered finding out what else you are precious about

It's odd isn't it? Who are these people? We're a shoes on house and never once have I had dog shit on my carpets.