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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have asked nanny to take her shoes off

259 replies

Bluegreenyellowredorange · 02/07/2024 20:54

My husband and I decided to employ a nanny for our 2 DC ages 1 and 5. This will be the first time we've used a nanny.

We interviewed a lady on Saturday. She arrived just as we’d got home from a walk and as usual we all took our shoes off as we came in. She left hers on though and my husband asked her to take them off when she walked into the living room. I’ll be honest it was a little awkward as I think it took her by surprise. They are newish carpets so I can see where he is coming from but I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it myself. I guess most people don’t expect to take their shoes off in an interview (even though it’s a house and not an office?).

Anyway, the interview went well and she had plenty of experience and qualifications and I’ve tried to contact her (yesterday and today) to arrange a taster session but she hasn’t got back to me. It’s such a minor thing but I’m guessing it put her off. I can’t think of anything else.

Did we do something wrong?

OP posts:

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 02/07/2024 22:52

It's not precious to want to keep your carpets clean. You may want mud/dirt/dog shit in your carpets but other people don't.

FanofLeaves · 02/07/2024 22:52

In all my nanny interviews I’ve asked the parents if they’d like me to take my shoes off. Some say yes, if you wouldn’t mind, some say no please don’t worry. People have different preferences. It’s no drama. But if me asking saves this kind of awkwardness and angst I’m happy to do it.

SuuzeeeQ · 02/07/2024 22:54

Fiery30 · 02/07/2024 20:58

Surely she is not going to get 'offended' and refuse a good job because you asked her to take her shoes off? That would be quite silly. I don't allow anyone to come into my house with shoes either.

Exactly. Plus how unhygienic to have dirt from
shoes on your carpet with small children who play and crawl on the floor. A nanny should know that!

PeloMom · 02/07/2024 22:54

I’m quite surprised by these comments. Surely it’s normal not to wear shoes indoors especially with 2 small kids, one of which is likely crawling all over the floors? As an experienced childcare provider she should be well aware of that

Notthatcatagain · 02/07/2024 22:54

Very, very rude unless you offer house slippers. I wouldn't even have stayed for the interview. Same if I was visiting, if I was asked to take my shoes off and not offered slippers I would leave. Especially if I had no socks, can't think of anything worse than my bare feet on someone else's floor

SuuzeeeQ · 02/07/2024 22:55

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 02/07/2024 22:50

I'd be offended if someone didn't offer to take their shoes off. It's common courtesy to acknowledge some houses are shoes off and to check with the owner.

This. I recently interviewed and hired an interim nanny and she immediately offered and took her shoes off.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/07/2024 22:56

Mum2jenny · 02/07/2024 21:01

I would not visit a house if I had to remove my footwear. As for going for employment in a person’s house, I would not consider it.
People that tend to enforce such rules are people with other very alternative perceptions, obviously not everyone but I’d avoid like the plague….

I always take my shoes off in other peoples houses. They don't have to in mine as I have laminate downstairs. But I appreciate it when people ask if they should.

Thedayb4youcame · 02/07/2024 22:56

FuzzyStripes · 02/07/2024 21:33

Good nannies are hard to get and in huge demand. An interview is often more for them to decide if they want to work for you than the other way round.

It could be anything that put her off but I can see why she would have concerns about parents who have two young children and worries about their carpet.

This.

The only reason you're fixating on the shoes-off thing OP is because it's on your radar. Who knows why she's not been in touch yet (could be 101 different reasons), but if you're going to go down the route of thinking she doesn't want to work for you, I'd be reflecting more on everything else that was said that day.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/07/2024 22:56

This is the second thread I've read tonight about taking shoes of on other people's houses.

TheCultureHusks · 02/07/2024 22:57

AnnaMagnani · 02/07/2024 21:06

Honestly think it was weird she didn't offer to take her shoes off at the door.

Some people have shoes on houses, some have shoes off. For bizarre reasons people on each side feel intensely passionately that the other side are wrong.

It’s because the shoes on brigade feel judged!!! Just read the post by ‘alternative perceptions’ woman upthread - it’s so desperately trying to be sniffy because she feels it so keenly, that the shoes off people think she’s skanky 🤣🤣

And they are judged - it’s rank. Dog poo and fag butt micro-residue carpets - bleurgh!

Whatshappning · 02/07/2024 23:03

No you did the right thing, the pavements of the UK and probably most countries are so grimy. Shoes on carpet is a no-no for me especially after living in east Asia where you always took off your shoes even coming into homes with hard flooring.

This woman would be working in your house if she accepted the job so surely it’s good that she got a taste of your house rules. And can decide for herself if shes up for it. If she doesn’t like it she can decline the job. There may be good reasons why she’s not replied yet, but if it turns out she’s just the kind of person who won’t even bother to respond to decline the offer - you’ve had a lucky escape irrespective of her reasons for not wanting the job.

I have shoe coverings which I offer to tradesmen who want to keep their shoes on, but often they say no they’re happy to take off their shoes off. Either way suits me as long as your sole that’s stepped on a dirty ground isn’t coming onto my carpet.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/07/2024 23:05

'She arrived just as we’d got home from a walk '

was she very early ?
or were you late for her interview ?

as usually the family would be ready and waiting in the home

what was she wearing on her feet ?
last Saturday was a beautiful day in several parts of England - if you are in England, she may have had on open toe sandals ?

and if she did she may not have liked walking around barefoot ?

What wear you all wearing on your feet ?
nothing ?
or did you all change into slippers ?
or were you all walking / sitting around with socks on, or tights ?

What did you have available to offer her for her feet ?
do you keep ' visitor ' slippers / sliders / whatever
or do you have protective shoe covers ?

' newish ' carpets how new ?
and what colour - cream ?

' a taster session '
what is that ?
not a free trial...

at least now you will be prepared for the next interview.

ilovepixie · 02/07/2024 23:05

This topic comes up on a regular basis. I have never removed my shoes going into someone's house. I have never asked anyone to remove their shoes going into my house. I would rather have shoes on my carpet than someone manky smelly scabby feet. What happens if you have animals are they allowed on the carpet or when builders tradesmen or carers come in?

Hmmmm2018 · 02/07/2024 23:10

Surprised by this, most people offer to take their shoes off I find, but with a house full of cats, dogs, muddy wellies that kids didn't take off I always recommend people keep them on. When we have had babysitters, they have actually brought house shoes to change into on getting to us.

Whatshappning · 02/07/2024 23:14

I don’t have pets and nor do most of my friends/family , but tbh I’d find it a bit odd if someone has a dog or outdoor cat but insists on shoes off unless they clean their pets paws before re-entering?!

Not sure if I’d want to have my shoes off in a house where someone has dogs or cats coming in and out actually. I have one friend who is so contradictory , she often wear shoes in the kitchen/living room and doesn’t clean her floors often but then will suddenly ask guests to take their shoes off
and the floor ain’t clean 😌 I don’t like that.

There has to be consistency and it has to make sense. I make sure my carpets and floors are clean and free of outside dirt before asking others to take off their shoes

As I mentioned upthread, I give tradesmen disposable shoe covering or they often carry their own OR offer to take their shoes off.

DinnaeFashYersel · 02/07/2024 23:16

I don't care who you are - you take your shoes off in my house.

If she's put off by this then she's not the right person for you.

Shodan · 02/07/2024 23:18

I wonder if she thought the set-up rather unprofessional- not many people would expect to have an interview conducted shoeless (and although it is your home, it's her place of work) and you didn't appear to have been prepared for the interview either. I would have expected you to be in and waiting, I think.

If you can't bear the thought of interviewing with shoes on, make it clear to prospective employees that they are to remove their shoes before they actually arrive.

theveryhungrybum · 02/07/2024 23:20

There seem to be two types of people in this world - those who remove their shoes inside and those who don't. Each group thinks their way is the norm and will defend that position vehemently. Personally, if I was interviewing for this role and your husband did that, I'd be wondering what other things you're all pedantic about.
(BTW - we don't take our shoes off in the house and I've only come across one house recently where that's the rule...I picked up my child and stayed at the front door.)

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/07/2024 23:22

Mum2jenny · 02/07/2024 21:01

@Mum2jenny

other alternative precautions?! Like what?

it’s rank to not take shoes off , who wants any traces of the dog shit, spit, muck, piss, etc that is on people’s shoes being transferred to their carpets?!

KeyWorker · 02/07/2024 23:34

I suspect she just wasn’t expecting to take shoes off at an interview. I don't see why it would be a problem if you employed her, I just think when you think interview you think formal.

AutumnNanny · 02/07/2024 23:43

JMSA · 02/07/2024 21:07

It's simply not appropriate at a job interview though.

Show quote history

@JMSA

it is in someone's home for. Job as a nanny.

@Bluegreenyellowredorange

Im surprised she didn't automatically take them off, especially if you had shoes discarded by the door.

i doubt it was that, that's put her off. It's rude not to reply to your calls though, so I wouldn't worry about why.

AutumnNanny · 02/07/2024 23:45

KeyWorker · 02/07/2024 23:34

I suspect she just wasn’t expecting to take shoes off at an interview. I don't see why it would be a problem if you employed her, I just think when you think interview you think formal.

@KeyWorker if she's going for a job interview as a nanny she should be prepared to take her shoes off.

KomodoOhno · 02/07/2024 23:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/07/2024 23:52

Posithor · 02/07/2024 20:56

Nope take your shoes off when you come in my house, I can just about cope on the washable hall and dining room floor but I'm not having your shoes on my carpet!

BIL has a prosthesis that he cant safely walk in without a shoe. What would you have him do? Remove his lower leg?

Toptotoe · 02/07/2024 23:53

Very precious behaviour. I would have been put off by this too.

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