To have asked nanny to take her shoes off

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My husband and I decided to employ a nanny for our 2 DC ages 1 and 5. This will be the first time we've used a nanny.

We interviewed a lady on Saturday. She arrived just as we’d got home from a walk and as usual we all took our shoes off as we came in. She left hers on though and my husband asked her to take them off when she walked into the living room. I’ll be honest it was a little awkward as I think it took her by surprise. They are newish carpets so I can see where he is coming from but I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it myself. I guess most people don’t expect to take their shoes off in an interview (even though it’s a house and not an office?).

Anyway, the interview went well and she had plenty of experience and qualifications and I’ve tried to contact her (yesterday and today) to arrange a taster session but she hasn’t got back to me. It’s such a minor thing but I’m guessing it put her off. I can’t think of anything else.

Did we do something wrong?

Speaking as a former nanny this would strike me as perfectly normal - lots of families have a no shoes rule in the house. If you have the sort of job that involves working in other people's houses then you follow their rules, that's how it goes!

She may just have not seen your calls/ messages for some reason to do with her phone or something- it’s only two days, I wouldn’t assume a no yet

Honestly (unless your husband's tone was abrasive) I would assume her expression was more a) concern that she had accidentally misstepped in a job interview and b) quickly thinking about the state of her feet/socks/toe polish. Her delay getting back to you is more likely to be down to her having other offers/interviews or the fit not feeling right for her. I think putting it down to something so small as asking for shoes to come off is unlikely to be realistic.

I don’t go to anyone’s house without offering shoes off. And no one (guest or tradie) arrives without offering to take their shoes off.

I actually think the fact that it’s a nanny job for a crawling baby is even more reason to take them off. If you’d taken the nanny on a tour of the house and shown her into a carpeted nursery then absolutely she should not have shoes on.

Good nannies are hard to get and in huge demand. An interview is often more for them to decide if they want to work for you than the other way round.

It could be anything that put her off but I can see why she would have concerns about parents who have two young children and worries about their carpet.

This would be my worry if I was her. It is almost impossible to stop young children making a mess inside a house if you are doing your job properly.

It’s definitely not!

How did he ask her? Was it a barked instruction, or was it a more polite “would you mind….?”. Sometimes it’s not the request but the tone of it which is off putting.

I’d see it as a sign you’d be precious and wouldn’t want the hassle.

I wouldn't take my shoes off going into a strangers house. I wouldn't take them off in a workplace either.

It makes sense that you removed your shoes in your own house, less sense that you would automatically expect a stranger to do so, without informing her first.

Was she also waiting for you while you were out walking for a pre-arranged interview? Were you late even by 5 mins or so or was she early perhaps?

However, seems like you need to interview someone else.

I've got no problem removing my shoes in anybody's house and always do.
But I would be thinking he's going to be a bit arsey. I wouldn't have said it then but I would have said that you expect her to take her shoes off and to wear slippers if she wanted.

When I worked for a care company we had to keep our shoes on for insurance sake.

Shoes on/off threads tend to be fairly evenly divided on MN.

At the end of the day, it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask, and perfectly reasonable for her to decide it's not somewhere she wants to work (whether for that reason or any other).

I’m completely shoes off and take slippers when I go visiting but this…

I wouldn’t get back to you if I was her but I’m Irish and think removing your shoes when entering a house is a load of nonsense. My partner’s daughters are English and think it’s normal.

She may have simply not relished the prospect of working all day with no shoes. No reason to imagine she was ""offended""

Yeah I'm not sure that would make me feel very enthusiastic about a job opportunity. You're within your rights to ask. But equally she's within her rights to factor that into her decision.

It's done now, no point in dwelling too much on it.

If she doesn’t want to remove her shoes for an interview as a nanny in the home she would be working in then she probably isn’t for you. I think shoes inside are a bit yuk too. It’s not about being finicky- in fact with children who are possibly going to tread in dog shit it’s an even more sensible rule. I too am not a house proud sort but unless you are staying on my wooden floor and for a brief visit (or need to keep them on because you are a tradie) then they are coming off. Even my elderly neighbour offers when he comes in.

Completely normal for someone working permanently in your home to be following the same rules as the rest of the house. A nanny surely would be entirely used to that?!
But you are making assumptions that is why she hasn’t got back to you!

But surely a huge portion of Nannies work with shoes off?! If it’s a shoes off house they will be included in that.

You didn't do anything wrong. If that has put her off the you've dodged a bullet as frankly you'd be walking on eggshells trying to avoid upsetting her re other things.

I would have expected to be pre- warned I would need to take shoes off.

Is it a generational thing? My parents think asking someone to take their shoes off is massively rude and they fight me on it every time. Whereas every single one of my friends (all mid 30s) take their shoes off without asking and I always take my shoes off in someone else's house.

Personally, wearing outside shoes in a living room where a 1 year old is playing and rolling around is grim as fuck. I'd expect a nanny to know that.

It’s not so much being precious about carpets and more about hygiene around babies. Babies crawl on the floor and often lick it, you shouldn’t have outdoor shoes on carpets babies will be crawling on, the shoes could have anything on.

I'd be offended if someone didn't offer to take their shoes off. It's common courtesy to acknowledge some houses are shoes off and to check with the owner.

Us shoes-off houses wouldn't want you.