"School refusal" trend

[ruthxxx0]

Can't help noticing the spike in this over recent times...
In my line of work I'm coming across increasing numbers of families who have child(ren) who "refuse" to attend school... Parents pretty much shrug their shoulder and say things like "I can't make them attend" (we're talking about primary aged children). Or "they don't like the rules/teachers/uniform/the classroom decor..".
I'm from a generation and background where school attendance wasn't a "choice" for children to make then dictate to their parents.
Parents (being the adults!) were the ones who sent the children to school.
Today I met with a family who had allowed their 10 year old to pretty much stay in their bedroom for almost a year, not been to school and didn't seem under any urgency to works towards getting the child back to school.... No mental health concerns (not referred to CAMHS or GP either). The child just "didn't want to go" and parent was ok with this. Just for a quiet life, to avoid the child "kicking off". Like seriously... What's wrong with today's parents?

I would agree with that @Garlicnaan for some children.

The children haven’t had increasing amounts of pressure put on them over the years. If it works over there maybe there has been consistent expectations and support from an early age from teachers and parents alike, parents and teachers aren’t disengaged from schools. Over here the system, such as it is, isn’t working for teachers or for children. Whatever’s going on and succeeding in other countries isn’t happening here.

The UK seems to lack a coherence that some other countries have. We see this in public services, in education, NHS, policing. Almost like when the government gets involved it turns to shit.

What's your experience of foreign systems SeulementUneFois (probably France given your username) and how recent is it? From googling, it would seem this is a worldwide problem and trend affecting France like everywhere else although it could be that it's to a lesser extent.

Children’s minds are not simpler. What utter bollocks.

If only they were! 😩

What @witchyway said.

A family member school refused. She had severe OCD and anxiety. Parents were counselled to just keep taking her and not let her change schools or modify anything - OP's school of thought. She ended up with longlasting anxiety and agoraphobia and had flashbacks when she went to university and had to drop out.

Makes me so angry when I read posts like OP's. So smug and self satisfied, harmful and ignorant.

Well said.

The ignorance is really hard to stomach. To take the part of this linked to neurodiversity, and to use the example of autism, only 10% of autistic adults are able to work full-time and only 30% work at all. To receive a diagnosis, autism must involve significant impairment in key areas of life. So it is hardly surprising, given SEND provision has broken down and autistic kids are being left to struggle with significant unmet needs in mainstream schools, where they are frequently subject to victimisation, that we see this play out in very high rates of attendance difficulties.

To add insult to injury, rather than being honest about service failures due to lack of resources resulting in a crisis for SEND learners, pernicious child and parent blaming narratives are bandied about, when these are the very families who have been thrown under the bus and whose children's rights to an education which enables them to meet their potential are being unlawfully withheld.

Just about the only thing that makes this situation worse is layering on trauma/mental health difficulties. Compassion and expert support are required.

I was in school in the 80s and 90s. I hated school and didn't want to go. I ran away from school. No one noticed. I used to hide in the forest instead of going to school.

My mum was too busy being beaten black and blue by my step dad to notice my issues. As if I could say "hey mum, I don't like school! I don't want to go". A joke really, she had her own problems.

No one noticed or cared, not the teachers, or kids in school, nor family. No letter home, no fuss kicked up.

So fuss, no record of anything untoward. Got Gs and Us in GCSEs. There was absolutely nothing in place to pick up this quiet kid who was falling through the cracks.

I think today, I would have been picked up by someone. A teacher perhaps.

But in the 80s and early 90s, no one, and I mean no one, gave a shiny shit about the failing, broken, quirky, quiet girl.

AuDHD, diagnosed this year at age 47. I'm part of the Lost Generation.

The fact that kids CAN kick up a stink and be noticed, is actually a massive privilege I was never afforded. It means someone cares they are struggling.

I was you op, until it happened with my child.
Be very very thankful that you don’t understand and judge from afar, I can tell you it’s hell.

Yes, this. I am a similar age and there was certainly plenty of absence at primary and loads of truancy at secondary. The drive to increase attendance wasn't a thing. More kids walked so could abscond on the way. You could also just walk out of school in those days. I frequently did. No one stopped you or wanted to know why you weren't in. You could easily forge a note from a parent - these weren't scrutinized and any excuse was accepted. No phone calls home either. The problem has probably always existed, it's just that there's more focus on it now every movement is followed in under 18s. There's probably an element of parental and school authority being less - but that's probably only a minor influence and only in less severe cases.

Possibly the increased emphasis on attendance has actually worsened it for some kids. I used to dodge a few lessons I hated but go in for the rest. If I had to stay in all day everyday I would probably have actually gone in less. Retaining that element of choice and control was a big help for me.

I’d love to know your ‘line of work’ . You cannot begin to comprehend how upsetting this is for parents and children. I have met many parents in this situation and not one of them is as you describe. We don’t need further judgement thank you. Arsehole

eprints.ncl.ac.uk/file_store/production/294302/8D2D81FC-D2E8-4089-BDCC-90FE8F803D9C.pdf

Can we think about the fact that there are a generation of parents who went through the “old school” system and came out traumatised, now diagnosed with autism or ADHD and are understanding that their children are going through what they did.

Or shall we just go back to the “lazy parenting” rubbish.

Families struggling with school attendance are anything but lazy.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to fight for a child to receive the support they need to get an education when the standard stuff just doesn’t work for them and those in the top level jobs only have a smattering of autism awareness?

Do you have a clue how much effort it takes not to let your child see that their inability to attend is impacting YOUR mental health?

Do you know how draining it is to advocate for your child even though you’re exhausted.

We are parenting HARD here.

@ExtraOnions if you see this I could really do with a handhold and to know how you have managed this. It is exactly the situation we are now in and I'm besides myself

Thank you to those who have shown empathy on this thread.
To the others, I actually don’t blame you for not understanding it. I used to be like you. I thought it might have been a simple case of dragging her out of her bed or switching off the WiFi. After all, I was strict-ish when she was younger and she had never put a foot wrong prior to this.
Well, let me tell you, it’s the most soul-destroying and stressful thing.
Don’t judge until you have walked in the shoes of a school refuser’s parent!

I was absolutely shocked when, chatting with my 8yo niece she casually mentions that there is a boy in her class who gets to leave the classroom whenever he wants because he doesn't like women in authority. (Female teacher)

I thought she had the wrong end of the stick. Asked my sister. Nope, it's correct. Boy can leave the classroom when he feels himself getting angry because a woman is giving him instructions 😱😱😱😱

The clients are voting with their feet

@OnlyHerefortheBiscuits it's obviously part of a wider plan. Without knowing the background, it's difficult to comment. But if it keeps the boy in school and isn't disrupting the classroom, then it somewhat works.

I'm guessing you're in the wrong line of work. Have you considered something where empathy and professional curiosity aren't necessary?

Well said. The new paradigm is a place where attendance is percieved to be a choice. In the old paradigm there was no choice.

Like many on here, I would probably have been smugly judgmental once upon a time had we not been through this ourselves.

Schools and teachers are increasingly overstretched and so adequate pastoral support is often falling through the gaps. Dr Naomi Fisher explained it well recently (see pics).

Yesterday, I took autistic DD2 for a tour of the small new private school she will be attending from September. Everyone was so kind and understanding. She came out on a real high and has repeatedly said how much she is looking forward to starting. These students often aren’t trying to swerve learning - the environment just isn’t right for them. We are really lucky we can throw money at the situation (and good therapy to get her to this point, while
she’s been on a CAMHS waiting list for 19 months), most can’t and it shouldn’t have to be like this.

I'm unconvinced - of course school is very much presented as a default and if you sign up to go it is expected that you follow their rules (including attendance, uniform, behaviour etc). But there have always been people doing other things because they don't think school would be suitable for their children - think of the 25,000 'governesses' in the 1851 census educating children at home, or the real young people reflected in the situations in the story 'Little Women' - which has 2/5 of the main characters schooled, one with a home tutor, one home educated due to social anxiety and one pulled out of school due to disagreement with the school's methods/the school causing harm (physical punishment) and home educated whilst another placement can be found.
Or the reason we have such long summer holidays now - because people would take their children out for the harvest, as they didn't consider attendance to be more vital.

Right, well I’m sure there’s more to it, like a toxic home environment.

There's probably more to the story, like he's been abused by a woman and gets distressed as a result.