"School refusal" trend

[ruthxxx0]

Can't help noticing the spike in this over recent times...
In my line of work I'm coming across increasing numbers of families who have child(ren) who "refuse" to attend school... Parents pretty much shrug their shoulder and say things like "I can't make them attend" (we're talking about primary aged children). Or "they don't like the rules/teachers/uniform/the classroom decor..".
I'm from a generation and background where school attendance wasn't a "choice" for children to make then dictate to their parents.
Parents (being the adults!) were the ones who sent the children to school.
Today I met with a family who had allowed their 10 year old to pretty much stay in their bedroom for almost a year, not been to school and didn't seem under any urgency to works towards getting the child back to school.... No mental health concerns (not referred to CAMHS or GP either). The child just "didn't want to go" and parent was ok with this. Just for a quiet life, to avoid the child "kicking off". Like seriously... What's wrong with today's parents?

Mmm. Perhaps familiarise yourself with ACAMH's resources if you are a HCP? Ill informed and judgemental attitudes aren't going to help families or children.

This type of case isn't typical for our services (primary care) so admittedly I'm talking about school avoidance for children who aren't accessing secondary mental health care.

I was told that until my daughter (aged 11 at the time) made a "credible attempt at self harm" - lying in the corridor at school screaming I WISH I WAS DEAD while bemused Year 11s stepped over her wasn't enough as she didn't voice any actual plans - then we couldn't even go on the 18 month waiting list for CAHMS, so excuse me that we don't meet your arbitrary threshold for the "right" kind of family.

Exactly.

So then why is anyone surprised that Children are refusing school? As you say, for a lot of children, their whole lives are controlled, down to the socks they wear and the friends they're allowed to keep.

Then they're forced into environments that make them miserable for the majority of the week.

You know what fixed my sons 'school refusal' removing him from mainstream and getting him into a school designed for and catering too kids with Autism.

He went from having to be practically dragged into school daily, with more days off or lates than i care to mention, to never missing a day (unless i called one for MH because sometimes he still needed it).

The current mainstream system is not built for kids with difficulties, and the myriad reasons they refuse are more than you could ever imagine.

As other parents have said.. walk a mile in our shoes, or be quiet.

Also interested please

@ruthxxx0 please come back to the thread. I personally am interested in 'outsiders' views on the whole issue.

SEN and how it manifests in society was so not on my radar several years ago. Now it's my day to day. It's my life. Like you it feels as if it didn't exist when I was in the school system but in fact I realise now how much it was dealt with differently. I find it fascinating how relevant and important it is understand how ND people live in this world.

I think it's quite possible that educational resources including educational psychology were better resourced then. There was an infrastructure of specialist services to support schools that doesn't exist any more.

Punchline from this research:

Conclusion: While not a story of exclusivity relating solely to autism, School Distress is a story dominated by complex neurodivergence and a seemingly systemic failure to meet the needs of these CYP. Given the disproportionate number of disabled CYP impacted, we ask whether the United Kingdom is upholding its responsibility to ensure the "right to an education" for all CYP (Human Rights Act 1998).

This has been an interesting thread to read.
I’m of the opinion that, for the vast majority, there has to be a neurological issue at play, whether diagnosed or not. Most children can understand, and enjoy, the social side of school, even if they find the lessons boring.
I hated my school but by the time I was a teenager at secondary school, I understood how important it was to attend. I knew that the only way to better myself and leave my shitty home town was to attend school, learn, and pass my exams. The vast majority of people would not choose to pass zero exams and face the prospect of minimum wage jobs or unemployment.
The teenagers who understand this and yet still cannot make themselves attend school must be deeply unhappy and have very little self-worth. Support for these children is clearly lacking.

There will be a tiny minority who see their parents sitting on their arses on benefits and think “that’s the life for me” because they have not been shown any different. But I can’t think they are in the majority.

People who are saying "but kids in the 70s and 80s coped, they just went to school" ... but not all kids did. I don't think it was highlighted as social media wasn't a thing and probably parents either didn't talk about it to others or the parents didn't care that their kids were home alone as it was common to have "latchkey kids" anyway.

I know my Grandad (born in 1950) didn't go to school, he hated it. He really struggled with it and just completely refused to go, he said the anxiety of it was awful and he completely understands my son's struggles.

I hear you and I’m sorry that your poor daughter had to go through this, but OPs post indicated an increase in school refusals. Do you think instances of autism have increased significantly, and why? If the rate of people having autism has not increased, why did they used to go off to school but now won’t?

They can still do exams if they wish though @MineIsALemonFanta , we had a school refuser and so home educate him now. School refusing doesn't have to mean no education.

But yes you are right I believe, no child would choose to be that deeply unhappy and set themselves up to fail.

God this thread and some of the attitudes make me feel ill.

My son is 4.5, due to start school in September. He's been in nursery part time from 15 months and it's a struggle almost every single morning. We swapped settings when he was 3 and things improved but are still a struggle. We've always got him there but I dread having to do it 5 days a week with school.

He's ok well behaved and has some friends there, loves learning and being busy but he's anxious and rigid with routine - we're hoping the routine of school will appeal but are worried about how big it is compared to nursery.

We're already having meetings with the school to try and ensure things go as well as they can. He's on a waiting list for an autism assessment, his key worker says she'll be amazed if he doesn't get a diagnosis.

I can honestly see school refusal in our future and dread the judgement, I already feel "less than" some days because of how hard we find things other families just "do" even though I know we're bending over ourselves to do the best we can.

Yep I have 2 uncles (one on each side, so different parenting) who refused school and that would have been 60s/70s they "just hated and wouldn't go or would come home early" according to both my nans!

@usernamealreadytaken

I’m not a teacher but a primary school governor. In our area (and I think nationally) it’s described as an “SEN crisis”, increase in children with SEN combined with a lack of funding.

Teachers tell me it’s a direct rise they’ve never seen before and worse post-COVID. I don’t think it’s just improved diagnosis, it’s absolute numbers increasing.

I know of multiple cases where children have turned up in reception non-verbal and with other complex needs. Parents haven’t accessed any agencies prior, thinking they’ll grow out of it, don’t recognise the issue - and any other reason. Teachers have been the first to say their child needs a specialist setting. Some families have specifically moved to the UK as SEN provision wasn’t catered for in their home country.

There are many other parents who have fought tooth and nail to get EHCPs in place. The school has so many they have a FT SENCO for a tiny school and that’s not enough.

The high % of complex SEN needs has changed the school dynamics, several children are waiting for places in other settings (but no funding). This impacts other children, both ND and NT. Already there are children who can’t come full-time.

If that’s a snippet of what it’s like I can only imagine the scale of the issue as young people approach secondary.

I think part of the issue is that if you have a child who is in a setting that can't meet needs who gets as far as burning out before they can be recognised, diagnosed, an EHCP granted and the support put in place and actually start to work...........then you now have a child with a much greater level of visible SEN need, possibly skills regression or PTSD, crushed self-esteem, anxiety etc.

Then the EHCP no longer meets their increased need, so round you go again, while they have a second breakdown and end up self harming, deregistered or expelled (or all of these alternately).

If the initial environment was more generally suitable and also support could be accessed within a term or so of staff and/or parents first wondering about an issue, the overall cascade of catastrophic collapse could be cut off at source.

I hate to break it to you, but most of us feel a version of this sort of self-righteousness until the point we actually have a child who ceases to be able to function normally due to autism or long term and significant mental ill health difficulties.

At this stage, reality (and if we're very lucky, specialist advice) force us to reassess...

Teachers tell me it’s a direct rise they’ve never seen before and worse post-COVID. I don’t think it’s just improved diagnosis, it’s absolute numbers increasing.

The odd thing is that there are many users on this thread petulantly trying to make a point by saying "covid taught us that schools aren't necessary anyway". I would say it's the exact opposite. Covid taught us that humans are never supposed to live in a lockdown state and only learn or communicate via screens. The enforced isolation with a total lack of social activities had a catastrophically detrimental effect on childrens development. It's not a far jump to deduce that many of these kids crave the same environment of lockdown due to a faux sense of safety. Back then, the message was the only safe space is home and venturing outside, socialising or any sort of indoor activity was associated with sickness and death.

So in that sense, it's understandable how many kids can't cope with the idea of school post-pandemic. But living in a perpetual of lockdown is arguably worse in the long run. DD was very young at the time but spent her earliest years in near-total isolation. When she started nursery she couldn't cope with the noise and sensory state of being in a room with so many children. She ticked every box for ASD/ADHD behaviour and it was a hard time. However this seemed to be very common for small children of the same age who spent the majority of their life in lockdown. The state of isolation seems to generate sensory issues that either mimic or enhance existing neurodivergency. (I still believe DD is ND, like myself, but she enjoys school and has a solid group of friends. I think she's masking to some extent but seems genuinely happy to be in school and coping well so far). It's almost like chicken or the egg. Children who refuse school end up living in a perpetual lockdown with increasingly diminished social skills, employability and education. Children forced into school may either thrive or get even worse so it's an impossible decision for parents to make.

Children who refuse school end up living in a perpetual lockdown with increasingly diminished social skills, employability and education

I disagree with this statement. Since our son has stopped attending school our whole family no longer feels like it's trapped and his social skills are now flourishing as his mental health has improved. As for employability and education, he is actually now learning. He wasn't learning anything at school as he was in a constant state of trauma. Within 3 months of home education, we saw an end to his selective mutism and he went from not being able to read to now being able to read The Hobbit confidently aloud.

Teachers tell me it’s a direct rise they’ve never seen before and worse post-COVID. I don’t think it’s just improved diagnosis, it’s absolute numbers increasing.

I don’t believe numbers are rising. I believe that schools are now so bad for children that it’s pushing them into being so stressed that they can no longer cope. In children this comes out in behaviour and performance at school. These children were always there but before the pressure was turned up and up and up they were more able to cope. Teachers have less autonomy now to teach as they know is best, it’s all tick boxes and managers dictating how things are done. It’s no surprise that in many home ed groups the largest number of people starting to HE their children are teachers. That’s got to tell you something.

At the same time we’ve had a COL crisis that means many parents are depressed and not coping, and worrying how to make ends meet. This does not make happy engaged families.

The whole thing is shit and rubbish for everyone.

@RatHole you're onto something there!

It was bad enough 10 years ago when my oldest had to be HE (working full time now, in a relationship, socialises fine), 9 years since the next child (also working full time, plans to travel the world, excellent social life), and a few months since taking my youngest out of school (still recovering from what he was put through in school), and it beggars belief that things are just getting worse. Does no one actually look at what’s going on?

Instead of saying “I know, let’s add more tests, expect every child to achieve high levels academically, set unachievable attendance targets, make little children learn masters level work, make all students learn maths until they’re 18”, why aren’t they seeing the bloody obvious? That school is actively destroying a large number of its pupils and teachers are leaving in droves. It’s ridiculous.

It all needs ripping apart and rebuilding to be an organisation that benefits everyone, not like the shambles it is right now.

Don’t disagree that the school environment is a big factor but that doesn’t account for the massive increase in reception children with or in the process of getting EHCPs. Given how high the threshold is we’re also talking significant need.

Therefore there must be an increase in absolute numbers as they’ve never been through the door. 🤷

@RatHole
How do you account for say the French or Eastern European education systems that are way more rigorous/ academic and have always been so?
(I speak from personal knowledge thereof.)

Children born during the pandemic then? Could be behind due to lack of interaction, parental poor mental health, family over reliance on screens (I became very insular at times and would be checking my phone for news all the time, also lots of people were juggling WFH with no childcare for periods, and this continues). We know that the first 1000 days of life - and pregnancy - are crucial in a child's development. I wouldn't be surprised if this is a factor.