To not want to ‘sit in the park’ on a second date?

[LookOverHere]

I met a chap on a dating app a few weeks ago, we met up for a drink for our first date and it was fun. He’s calm, has a good sense of humour, nice smile, good job. Both in our late 40’s. He texted me the day after to say he’d love to see me again, and since then he’s sent the occasional text, thoughtful, remembers what I’ve said. But… for the second he suggested “shall we sit in the park?”

AIBU to be disappointed with this? What does it even mean… I’m too old to be hanging out in the park! That’s where I had my teenage dates. The weather forecast also says rain. It’s not a picnic, or he’d mention it. I think it’s a low effort suggestion, a bit weird for a professional guy, and something I might do with a friend or colleague (we sometimes grab a coffee in the park). All my successful relationships all started with a romantic meal. Is this how it is these days? All views welcome…

I have only had a first date sitting in a park once. It wasn’t a picnic, he got a couple of Costa coffees before meeting me and we spent 3 hrs talking in the park before moving to a gallery cafe for another 2 hours when it started raining.

I am not going to say that this led to a relationship and a ring on my finger, mostly as once in the park we realised that I was a head taller than him but being at the park felt so natural and relaxed, it allowed a very nice and long relaxed conversation that we continued meeting for a coffee regularly for a couple of months until we found our respective partners 🙂

I had a third date in the park with another guy. Again, not a picnic. I pulled out of my bag a silver kettle, porcelain cups, biscuits and a hot water thermos, he found the surprise hilarious, he was quite taken by it 😁. We were together for almost 4 years.

Money can be seen as a bit of effort bur effort can be shown in other ways such as sugestisting something that aligned with the other person's interests, whether it's free or not. The majority of people want to make an effort for people they like and that is usually recognised by the other person and appreciated. As I have said I love parks, it would be fine as a later date but in the early days it's better to put more effort into ideas.

I think I would be taken with that @NotAgainWilson and I'm a woman. It's a bit mental and I like it.

Find out if he means chavving out in the park with some Lambrini and a couple of Lambert and Butler that he nicked while his dad wasn’t looking.

Believe ir or not being impressed and getting to know one another are not mutually exclusive. The majority of people who have experience in dating know it is low effort to suggest things which lack imagination like this. Again, on one of the wettest years on record.

Plus you know, if you get on... YOU CAN LEAVE THE PARK

Yeah, mental.., that’s the exact word he used to describe it: mental.

He knew he was not going to get bored with me at that point, I guess. 😁

I'd prefer to sit in the park than go for a romantic meal (whatever that means). I don't find eating romantic. But that's me....

I think a dinner date is the laziest low effort must unimaginative date going. It’s predictable and dull abc shows zero thought.

Plus food gets on the way of good conversation flowing, if you don’t get on then you’re stuck there for at least one course and there’s always the awkwardness when the hill arrives.

Im all for keeping it as casual as possible fir first few dates

Plus I’ve never understand how it’s fine for a woman to turn up in a date expecting to be paid for but she’s the first one to call a man tight if he doesn’t foot the bill.

You say he owns his home and is supposed to have a good job. Maybe he is fed up with women gong after him for those and has suggested a no cost date to weed out those that are seemingly interested in his assets/income rather than him.

If you like him give it a go. You may surprise yourself.

I see this thread has divided women into park Good / park bad groups.

Maybe this sort of information should be added to dating profiles.

Save a lot of fannying around.

I mean, I was happy enough with the park, and then someone upped the ante with ice cream!!! How is that not a great date?!

It's completely normal to have low key early dates on dating apps IMO. You don't really know the other person. There's very little investment on either side. You could pull out all the stops only to have them ghost you. It's not 'usually recognised and appreciated' unfortunately.

Maybe he's loaded and wants to see if op will be happy with a cheapo date or not...

I would be thoroughly disappointed with that suggestion for a second date, and I’m someone who loves the outdoors.
Please report back OP, and let us know more about the park he suggested! Eg does it have landscaped gardens to wander through, a nice coffee place or bar in the middle, some street performers - or are we talking a bog standard small town park with a kids playground, benches and dog poo bins in it.
If I really liked him and had enjoyed the first date I’d probably go along, but I’d be on high alert for any tightwad behaviour or suggestion that he is fact some kind of weird Andrew Tate-inspired incel freak who ‘tests’ women on their standards around shit dates, as some people have suggested.

I love a park but his wording was a little strange I would have probably answered ,I will grab the white lightening, can you nab some rollies.

I wasn't aware that parks were only for teenagers! If you want a nice meal why not invite him out for one (and offer to pay)?

Maybe he isn't loaded, but maybe he's a really nice fella. You'd be silly to cut him off just because you don't think the second date is "fancy" enough.

A cup of tea and a walk/sit in the park sounds lovely and no pressure. I think I'd like it for a second, still-getting-to-know-you date.

Yep.
It's a no from me on this basis.

If he'd said "lets take a picnic and I'll bring some nice wine" we will go to X, the lake there is really scenic... thats one thing.
He wants to sit on a bench and offer you a polo mint if he's feeling generous

sitting in the park is crazy low effort at a point in the "relationship" where he should be presenting his best self.

Not sure what is wrong with a park date. You don't have to just sit on a bench. You can take a walk, have a coffee and something to eat. It is relaxing and low fuss. Obviously if it is raining, you can suggest something else.

How is he a creep?

This is something I would suggest too.

I genuinely don’t see the difference between sitting in a park and a cafe.

Apart from the fact that one is indoors but many cafes/bars have outdoor seating.
So is that also creepy?

If the park had a cafe but the seating wasn’t solely for the cafe, would it still be creepy?

A park near where I live has dinosaurs.
I mean how cool is that?
(the SE Londoners on here will probably know exactly what park I'm talking about....🦕)

Reminds me of the guy who I was going to meet for a drink in the pub and then go on for a meal with...we meet in the pub, he buys me a pint and then announces straight away that as he doesn't think I'm 'pretty enough' for him, we aren't going for a meal...I stood up, thanked him for the pint, and then went off and drank it at the bar with the barman who I knew from high school!

Still remember the shocked look on his face - I didn't fancy him either, but I wouldn't have been so sodding rude about it!

Sitting in the park isn't my idea of a 2nd date.

But you are entitled enough to think you should sit in a restaurant with a stranger while he buys dinner and you do nothing?

My sister was permanently being offered first dates here

Even when she explained we LIVED on thicket road so it wasnt quite the thrill / adventure they thought 🙈

One told her it was even better as a first date as it would be handy to have her place was nearby if they liked each other!?!?!? 😵‍💫

What exactly is creepy about suggesting a park date? Unless you are just throwing the word creep around baselessly. And why does the OP 'deserve' better? Makes you sound like a spoilt brat tbh.