Am I being precious?

[Bananananasaretasty]

Mil takes DD aged 1 once week for childcare. On this day she usually takes DD to meet her former work colleague who also has a daughter aged 3.

I have met this person a few times, and they aren’t the kind of person i would usually spend time with and have different ideas about parenting. For example she has her DD wearing makeup, nail polish etc, I would feel funny about my DD doing this at 13 never mind 3. She has her DD in a high back booster whereas I want to rear face our DD for as long as possible. She sleep trained her daughter whereas we co sleep. We are still Breastfeeding and plan to for the foreseeable, whereas she FF her daughter. She had her daughter going to dance classes from when she could walk, we prefer to do other things as a family at the weekend.

Obviously there’s nothing wrong with this, she has chosen how she wants to bring up her daughter and us ours. But the problem is MiL is constantly comparing us, and this increases every time she sees this friend. It’s like she trusts her friends parenting more than ours. Last week it was ‘Mary was saying there’s a space in the toddler dance class Amy used to go to, you should get DD down for that.’ (Not real names). A few months ago it was ‘Mary put Amy to her mums to weekend when she was DDs age which helped her sleep through the night.’

Feel like I am constantly having to reinforce boundaries. I can’t dictate to MiL what she does with DD when she has her once a week, but I wish i could tell her to stop seeing this woman as I feel like it’s open season on my parenting. DH agrees with me on the parenting decisions, but he also feels like we can’t tell his mum what to do. And we can’t afford the childminder that extra day.

YABU - suck it up, people will always have opinions on your parenting

YANBU - tell MiL that I don’t want hear her friends opinions of my decisions.

And misguided! You're getting free childcare from a loving relative who has sought out someone with another child for your child, to help her social and emotional development. You sound unbelievably entitled. And dance lessons are healthy and positive - they'd benefit your daughter too. Your comment about formula feeding is just strange.

Your obvious condemnation of her formula feeding her dd completely reminds me of the anti vaccine people who used to talk with pride about how they were "pure bloods" 🤣🤣🤣... What are you going to do when she starts school ? You know they won't tell you who are 'your sort of people' 🤣🤣

Do you not think then that your comments are in bad taste ?

Jon Benet was murdered at her family home. I feel these comments are incredibly insensitive.

Everyone laughing at the ridiculousness of a six year old ‘beauty queen’ when that child was killed leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Anyway, you seem to have a fixed idea about the “right” way to parent. Be more open minded. With a 1 year old you have full control over what happens but even at 3 their little personality will come into play, which makes things harder - they may want to do ballet or wear nail varnish like Mummy. It’s just never a good idea to a fixed mindset about who is a good and who is a bad parent. You’ll see this more as the kids get older - people have their strengths and weaknesses.

I know what you are saying about the MIL. I have one of these, making snippy remarks because my own parenting choices where different to hers. Just smile and nod amd say oh yes I must think about that and scream on the inside.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 good luck stopping your daughter wearing make up and nail polish at 13. You're in for a very rough ride 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think that’s what doesn’t sit right with a lot of people- OP complaining about her MIL commenting and comparing when she herself is coming across very judgy and doing the same thing. I don’t do any of things that ‘Amys’ mother does but still find the OP as judgemental and confident of her superior parenting. She could have just said her MIL was unfavourably comparing her with another mum, why the need for telling us this mum isn’t someone she’d associate with and all the crap about formula feeding etc

Why are we assuming that the parent is working class because the kid wears nail polish and goes dancing??
plenty of middle class children do those things and plenty of working class children don’t. So weird to bring class into it.

@eluned16 depending on the brand of formula and nail polish you used. There are brands that makes you cool. 😂

Sorry but oh my god I couldn’t stop laughing at this one 🤣🤣🤣

OP blocking out irritating parents or parents-in-law noise is a skill, it comes with practice. As others have said for free childcare one day a week it doesn’t sound like a massive issue.

You can just.. say no. It's not that hard.

Parents manage to say no about alcohol or piercing, and whatever you don't accept for them to do.

Another day, another MIL bashing thread. I am not a MIL but some of the stick they get on here is ridiculous

If you are that bothered about the company MIL keeps then don’t use her for babysitting. Problem solved

Wow, the judgement in your post is crazy. You need to calm down on that. DD will be at school in a few years and making friends with people from different backgrounds. Even if it's the most exclusive school I'm pretty sure a fair few would have been Formula fed, had forward facing seats at 3 and went/go to dance classes.
It's going to be a tough ride for both of you if you carry on with such a judgemental attitude.

You’ve a long and lonely road ahead of you @Bananananasaretasty if you’re going to be this judgemental about other parents and their children! It’s not a good look!

Please try not to be so rigid either. Each to their own and all that.

OP touched a nerve with A LOT of posters.

OP didn't touch a nerve with me regarding the way I reared my children: I fully breastfed all my three children, never painted my DDs' nails and didn't send them to dance classes at a young age - can't say anything about the car seats as my children were born too long ago for that to be an issue.

What did offend me however, was the nasty judgemental tone of the OP.

I rather think that OP wouldn't be someone I'd want to spend time with merely because of the way she judges anyone who doesn't live up to her, perceived, high standards.

Great, but then you can understand why the OP is not keen on being judged by her MIL and having to put up with the nasty judgmental tone

Same thing.

😂😂 not sure I use the right brands either haha

😂😂😂😂😂😂 you made my day

13? My five year old GS loves to have his nails painted, he feels left out if his DM doesn't do them.

Yet you're the one who sounds incredibly judgemental.
Can you really not see the irony?

You sound really judgemental of this woman, how would what car seat, sleeping arrangement or feeding regime of that child impact of you in the slightest? It sounds like your MIL was only telling you there was space in the class, from how you have regurgitated it, it doesn’t sound pushy at all. Has your MIL been convincing you not to BF or change the car seat? If not you are being unreasonable.

At 3, it's hardly going to matter who she's socialising with. It's not as if she's a teenager and fallen in with a bad crowd! Plus, it's healthy for kids to make friends from all different backgrounds. Helps them grow into rounded, open-minded individuals. All you can do it reinforce your values in your own home and hope they stick.

I've just clicked she's 1 not 3! Then it's behind unreasonable into utterly ridiculous.

The older you get the less you care about other people's parenting decisions. Your MIL is likely just telling you this stuff so you know you can have a break or thinks your daughter might enjoy the classes.