Sister stole her flatmate’s deposit

[Huhy]

Sister just completed her final year at university in London.

Sister lived with an international student in a one bed flat - they converted living room for 2nd bedroom in Central London. They were friends and course mates prior to living together. Sister had an absolute nightmare with this flatmate but I think it is no excuse. So sister and flatmate got an email saying that only £400 of their deposit was being returned due to the state the flat was left in. Sister left the flat in March, tenancy ended in June. Sister left to come home as she was very stressed with dissertation and exams/sick of flatmate. Before she left she completely cleaned her bedroom. She agreed with flatmate to go halves on an end of tenancy clean.

Landlord came back and said the carpet in her flatmates room and her bed were ruined and therefore needed replacing. Sister texted friend saying well seeing as that is all your stuff, I think I’m entitled to the full remaining deposit. Flatmate said no, we’ll split. My sister was distraught as she took care of her room and the common areas as she knew she needed the deposit for her masters.

When I say my sister lived with a pig I am not exaggerating. Sister sent us pictures of their kitchen after she returned from Easter. The ENTIRE floor in their small kitchen had piled up bags of takeaway bags. It was shocking. Flatmate paid for a cleaner to pick up her shit. The other girl also had difficulty turning off the shower and would just leave it - causing damage to the flat below. Another time my sister picked up a towel that had been on the floor in bathroom for weeks and the other girl replied with “haha I can’t believe you touched that, that was a cum towel”. She would also routinely make my sister go with her to get the morning after pill whilst on her period - always thought she was pregnant. Trust me I know her being a nightmare does not justify theft.

Anyway sister figured out that their deposit had not been secured as she questioned the LL’s ability to unilaterally take whatever amount he wanted. The other girl was happy to walk away from the lost deposit. My sister told landlord to pay both deposits into her account as her flatmate has shut hers down. Well that was a lie.

Sister was immature and rubbed it in her flatmates face that she had her money. The flatmate has gone back to her home country (very well off). I got a message from the girl asking me to help. I’m shocked my sister acted this way, very uncharacteristic. Sister in fact has actually given the money to another friend who was struggling to pay her last month’s rent (I have seen texts and bank statements as evidence of this).

Im at a loss. Pleas tell me what to do!

Since your sister got the full deposit back. She should give half to the flatmate. Since she gave it away she should give her half to her. All you can do is tell her that you think she should give the half to the flatmate. Then stay out if it. Block the flatmate. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Stay out of it.

Agree with Chocloca

Nothing wrong with your English but the unilateral consensus is to block the friend and stay out of it because it is absolutely nothing to do with you.

If you don't want to do that then go and pay the friend back yourself, not sure what other advice you want people to give you. The conversation is just going round in circles over technicalities

The sister got £2400 back. It's confusing because of way the opening post was written referring to an irrelevant £400. It took 8 posts before the full information was given. OP now getting stroppy because people "can't read"

I think about English comment, she was explaining her parents want to be involved but as they don't speak English cannot handle everything themselves and have involved OP into this matter.

I agree op should distance herself. But I also think that her sister and the said flatmate both are wrong in different ways.

You could reply to the housemate that this is the link https://www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money if she wants to take your sister to small claims court. I really don’t think that the police will be interested as it’s all a bit “he said, she said” for them. I think they would say that it is a civil dispute.

Why did she say anything? She should have just given back the £200 (half the £400) not that her friend really deserved it after the damage she had done.

It was abit unfair of her to steal the deposit then just give it to another friend, your sister didn’t even need it.

Id just stay out of it and block the girl on social media. Its not your problem.

I agree with this. Plus it was your sister who did all the legwork to get the money back.

But she is an idiot for telling the other girl.

The first post does include all you need to know - the sister lied to get both shares of the full deposit paid into her account. The mentioning of the £400 was not irrelevant - it's what alerted the sister to the fact that the landlord had not fulfilled his obligations re: deposit protection, which enabled her to demand the return of the full deposit.

OP, if she gets in trouble (unlikely) then it's up to you whether to support her at that point but for now, at 21, she is old enough to make her own decisions and mistakes. It's good to be part of a supportive family but this sounds like an overly-enmeshed situation with irrational thoughts of karma and vicarious shame etc. You and your parents have told your sister what you think. That's enough. You do neither her nor yourself any favours by trying to rescue her "moral integrity" in this situation. You talk about being a parentified child so you are aware of this family dynamic - perhaps you could use this incident as a springboard to begin to liberate yourself from that role.

Another person who can’t read

So tedious!

I’ve messaged sis and flatmate to leave me out.

Lol. This is Mumsnet @Huhy people don’t read posts or updates.

I’d bow out from the thread, and from the drama your sister has caused. Not your problem.

I don’t think the other girl has a leg to stand on. She broke the bed and made such a mess it costs the LL £££

At a lost to them both.

It only happens that the deposit wasn’t protected that DS got anything at all.

I wonder if DA lost all the deposit the family would sue the other girl for it seeing as she made them lose it.

2 different things.

Shes done nothing wrong.

Tell your sister and her mate to sort it out amongst themselves and you will hear not a word about it anymore. And neither will your parents.
If your parents tell you to do anything just refuse. 'It's not my responsibility and she won't listen to me. I tried and failed and will not discuss the matter further.'

Parents of girl only speak broken English, Mandarin is their main language according to sister.

Flatmate speaks English very well - went to school in the UK

Why you so involved?? You’re not her mother - and even if you were, she’s an adult. Very strange. Though your sister did act poorly. But so did the flatmate.

No. You have no obligation whatsoever. Block the flatmate. Don’t get involved

Oh FFS, slightly different story then! Thanks for the correction 👍

Your sister has been foolish but she is entitled to take the gamble that the ex flatmate won’t sue her for the money- and I wouldn’t blame her. By all means warn her that if she ends up with a criminal conviction or a CCJ she’s going to be sorry but at the end of the day it’s her choice.

Tell ex flatmate that this has nothing to do with you and block her- if necessary tell her you consider her contact harassment and will consider going to the police yourself. I have absolutely no sympathy for her.

Tell parents you have warned sister and can do no more- she’s an adult and it’s her choice.

Move on with your life and leave them all to it.

Block the girl on social media

don’t get involved

your sister has acted badly but tbh I think she was entitled to the remainder of what would have been a very expensive deposit

Edited because you’re not talking about £200 as you implied in your OP, she got thousands of someone else’s money? Different story.

@Huhy I think there is more to this story than your sister is telling you.

It makes zero sense for her to go from stressing about losing £800 from her deposit, to then giving £1200 to another friend to help them pay their rent and not being bothered to pursue the landlord for a further £4800 for failure to protect the deposit.

This story doesn't stack up.

I disagree with all. Why can't op help her sister. Her sister's flatmate was disgusting and because of the bed and carpet lost a lot of HER deposit. Not OP's sister. She cleaned. Her bed and carpet was ok.

On reading updates, if this is true. Your sister got her deposit back in full in the end? So yeah she’s a thief. But let her get on with it.

ever heard the phrase ‘not my sisters keeper’?

Your sister is a little thief isn't she.

Bit late for your parents to get involved now, they've not done a great job on her.