AIBU to feel a bit cross that DS’s 13 year old friend knocked and came into my bedroom while I was in bed

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

DS(13) had some friends stay over last night. DS always knocks on my bedroom door these days. Unless I am actually naked or getting dressed I say come in. I’d gone back to bed this morning. Cup of tea and a book. I get hot at night so nightie just a tiny slip. Yesterday’s clothes on the floor. Room a bit of a mess. DS had already knocked and come in 3 or 4 times asking trivial things. And that was fine.

A further knock on the door. I say come in. And it’s his friend coming into the room (DS was downstairs cooking bacon and didn’t know what his friend was doing). Friend is there standing over me in bed saying “quick question”. I replied. “I thought you were DS would you leave please”. He did (it turned out the question was do we have Nutella). He knew I was in the room. Knew it was my bedroom. He was seeking me out to ask about Nutella.

I feel embarrassed (probably as much about the state of the room as being in bed if I am
honest) and a bit cross about it. I am pretty laid back usually. This is the house my children’s friends choose to hang out at (DS is youngest of 3) specifically because it’s all fairly chilled here. I know I said come in. But it never occurred to me it would be one of the other boys.

In the interests of full disclosure DS’s friend is autistic. I am not speculating about that. I know it to be the case as his mother has talked about it. I acknowledge that recognising personal boundaries might be more challenging for him. So I also feel slightly guilty for feeling cross.

I have messaged DS and told him I don’t expect that to happen again. But I feel like I don’t want to go downstairs now until they have all gone. I am not going to say anything more about it to the boy or to my DS.

I am content to me told on here to get over myself. But I do feel my personal space was invaded. Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit cross about it? And to stay upstairs till they all go home?

Top tip, if you arrive at a thread that already has multiple pages, use the See All option to show the OPs messages. It helps you understand if the conversation has moved on and saves multiple duplicate posts making the OP feel shittier than she already did.

If I don’t want people in the house to see me looking like shit ( or whatever ) I make sure I’m vaguely ok before I have to see anyone.
It’s not the kids fault you weren’t prepared.

He is AUTISTIC and was polite and resoectful, withdrawing when asked.
Get a fucking grip (probably a tad triggered, as I'm Autistic, as are my DC).

If you have other people's children in the house you should be up and dressed.

Sorry I think you were inappropriate.

I find it hard to believe anyone would dress in a "tiny slip" if they had guests in the house.

She was in bed! In her bedroom! Not doing a pole dance in the kitchen!

Sorry OP, but I think you were the rude one here.
Why couldn't you just answer the question? Yes, we have Nutella it's in the cupboard. Or, no, sorry we don't. Then the boy would have left the room anyway. Why on earth would you ask him to leave?? Was he hanging around after you answered the question?
He knocked. You invited him in. You happened to be wearing a nightie. I doubt a 13 year old boy would be remotely interested in a mum in a nightie!
If I was that up tight about my bedroom/body, I probably would have covered up a bit while I had a house full of guests.

You're being a bit dramatic I think.

She still had guests, and it wasn't the middle of the night.

Heatwave or not, when I have kids here for a sleepover in the house, teens or no teens, I wear something appropriate because .. that's what normal people do? It's weird to wear something you are not comfortable other people seeing you in, when you invited them to sleep in your home.

If I have guests in my house, I sleep naked, as I always do. I also shower naked and shit with my knickers down. Sometimes, I have sex. Guess what? I put appropriate clothes on when I see my guests.

I'm a perfectly normal person, thank you.

Sorry but you completely over reacted

If they need looking after I would agree.

I don't think you did anything wrong, and I would have felt the same as you.

All autistic people are different of course - but there is no way my autistic daughter would have knocked on someone else's parent's door! She would got her friend to do it.

She had a house full of 13 year old boys. It’s hardly uncommon as a parent hosting a sleepover to be summoned for (often bizarre) reasons in the middle of the night, hence most parents prepare accordingly and don’t wear a ‘tiny slip’. Most parents would also get up with guests to make them breakfast but that’s another issue..

Ok. Get over yourself.

no, you are not.

It's not normal to have sex when you have a bedroom full of kids next door. On which planet did you think it was?

I feel sorry for your kid if you actually have any.

I also shower naked if you want to compare this to the OP's moan, then you must be showering with the door unlocked and yell "come in" when someone's knock? But you are not really doing that are you.

I'm honestly appalled at how rude you were. That poor kid. You said he is comfortable in your home, I bet he isn't now. You should have just answered his quick question and then said next time don't knock on my door when it is closed unless it is an emergency please.

He's seen your son knocking and you saying come in and he's copied, he's knocked and not burst in. He only wanted to ask a question, so I do think you are over reacting on this one. It's not like he's burst in without knocking.

Well that's the thing isn't it?

Most 13yr olds wouldn't knock on a friend's parents bedroom door & go in just because they had seen their friend do it would they?

I don't agree there, when I've done sleepovers they've been around the house and if someone was staying with me and knocked on my bedroom door I'd ask who is was before come in. Feel free to disagree though!

Well I think that asking who it is when there's a few people in the house seems sensible.

Charming!

Behave! I never mentioned having sex when there was "a bedroom full of kids next door".

I said having guests doesn't mean you have to cover up in your private spaces like your own bedroom or bathroom. And having guests doesn't mean you have to wrap yourself up like a nun, either.

So you’re mad at him because your room is messy, and he came into it when you told him to come in??

yabu and really unfair.

13 year old boys need to learn they don't need a woman make breakfast for them.

And you can wear what you want in bed and put on something over it if you are "summoned".

This happened to us except ds’s friend was 18 & didn’t knock although the door was ajar. He too is ND and he just had to tell us something. He was completely innocent and unaware it might not be appropriate.