Staying at home with kids IS a contribution and it is also WORK

[carshaker]

A lot of people don't respect a mum who's ' just at home '. Like she's not really contributing to the family.

The reality is though, that it's very much a big contribution, even if it's not financial.

If you took away the financial risk of staying home long term, what's the issue with it? Why is it considered by many ( especially women ), less than ?

If this is a woman's choice, what's the issue ?

im fairly certain that my grandson will not contribute anything to future generations, he will no doubt barely go to school, will probably not even take exams, he will then live on benefits for the rest of his life just like his dad.. and he will in turn re-produce... his mum has no intention of working and lives on benefits because she chooses too, his dad also has no intention of working and lives on benefits because he chooses too.

Yeah, because no working mum loved her kids.

i worked part time.... i absolutely hated my 2 children... i despised them so much.

honestly, i didnt work so they could have food, or clothes or nice things... i worked purely for my own entertainment!

(i am being sarcastic obvs.....)

I know. I've literally never helped my child use a toilet either. Or fed them food. Wohm mums just visit them once a week and wave through a window for 5 mins

a five minute wave... you spoiled them then eh? mine were lucky for a wave at all

I did know, obviously there were exceptions to the rule, I just noticed a lot of kids with a SAHM who had expectations someone else would do everything for them.

I found the same thing when dating, the men with SAHMs seemed incapable of washing a dish or picking up their own socks.

I'm sure there are lots of SAHMs are doing a brilliant job of teaching their kids to do chores and take responsibility, but lots aren't.

Imagine how little the dads in Sahm families must like their kids .... I mean, my husband does some of the school runs (I do most) but my dad never did any at all, I guess he just didn't love me at all <sobs>

I find people either do masses (working or not) or nothing. If you want something done ask a busy person! The head of our PTA is also director of HR for a massive plc. The other person who does masses for the school and is a governor is a SAHM but sounds like you - she’s actually never at home she has some really high profile trustee type roles.

We're meant to give them food?

One post and so did you. Even stevens. I am not in a hole. I have no idea where you got that ridiculous impression.

It's absolutely a contribution but no I don't consider it 'work' in the traditional sense of the word .

Mine used the toilet from birth 😉

Absolutely. Most intelligent and sensible people are not so black and white about these decisions. I’ve learned to stay out of these threads as they’re often very dramatic, one sided and offensive to woman (all women).

@WindsurfingDreams there ...there. I'll share my cookies with you.

I let my daughter in the house but if she gets sick at home, I call her nursery keyworker to come and fetch her.

I think there is mutual benefit when DC are small. SAHP benefit from working mums being teachers, nurses, GPs, basically anything providing a service they use.
However SAHP are often the ones who volunteer in the school , hear reading, accompany school trips etc (Thats not to say no WOHP did it but for regular or short notice commitments it was often SAHMs)
When I was a SAHM I helped run a toddler group every week for about 6 years (attended by other SAHM but also childminders, nannies and grandparents looking after children)

The working parents I know outsource lawn and (sometimes) garden care, housecleaning, pool care (opening, closing and maintenance), interior and exterior painting, car detailing, minor plumbing and electrical work, driveway sealing, pet walking, etc. I know people with big houses and demanding jobs that make all of this make sense but I know SAHP who do all of the above because they have the time to do it when kids are in school and their partner has a demanding job and don’t have time. I’m sure someone will be along to tell me this is ridiculous but we are talking about different people with all different lifestyles.

We are all raising the future generation!! I hate why people look down on us for working to support our families, and setting themselves up as somehow superior because they're at home, therefore so much more worthy. You're not.

Who teaches the children of WOHP " important life skills like toileting, eating and most of all giving them love"??? Oh yes, that would be their parents! What a stupid comment!

No I have never been "jealous" because it was never on my radar so you can that little nugget of wisdom 🙄and put it where the sun don't shine!

But I fancy you might be the jealous one when you get to the stage in life where you're going "fuck it, I am never going to be able to retire". See how superior you are then.

A lot of the school trip things/volunteering is because you find SAHMs hob knobbing at the school gates, and they all know each other, while WOHMs don't have time for that! Plus they don't have to use a day's precious annual leave!

Who are all these people with pools??

It’s that kind of dopey ‘logic’ that makes these arguments fall down. The children of working parents also learn the life skills of ‘toileting and eating’ and are loved.

It's not ok at all. Carers are the backbone of this country and don't get the respect they deserve.

Only an idiot would think looking after a baby with high/additional needs wasn't work. Sadly some people don't have the critical thinking skills to see beyond their own circumstances.

Some people I guess are just totally illogical and will never, ever comprehend that all parents do the same things for their children and being a parent who's employed versus one that's not employed, makes sod all difference in the long run. It's the quality of parenting that matters.

And then again there are those who start a fight in an empty room!!

OK got to pool care and realised that your circles and my circles do not overlap.

Just FYI most regular working families are not outsourcing much, if anything.