Staying at home with kids IS a contribution and it is also WORK

[carshaker]

A lot of people don't respect a mum who's ' just at home '. Like she's not really contributing to the family.

The reality is though, that it's very much a big contribution, even if it's not financial.

If you took away the financial risk of staying home long term, what's the issue with it? Why is it considered by many ( especially women ), less than ?

If this is a woman's choice, what's the issue ?

Come and spend a week caring for my high needs baby and not getting a single minute to yourself, then compare it to making your own lunch and having hobbies. I would never say to someone in paid employment that their life is easy and they don’t put any work in because they can eat their lunch in peace and go to the toilet on their own. Why is it ok to put me down because I don’t get any money for the work that I do?

I think it’s more like working from home employment, you can get other stuff done at the same time if you have the children and the environment that allows that but not if you don’t.

No, because it’s not essential. Looking after small children is.

That also depends on circumstances, in our case our daughter isn't out of the house any more often than any other child in preschool or school and she takes a packed lunch.

I know some SAHMs whose kids don't do extracurriculars (sometimes because the can't afford it) and some working mums whose kids don't do extracurriculars (sometimes because they don't have time).

The original post I was responding to way further up the thread was stating that children of working parents are badly behaved because no-one is bringing them up, and also posts implying that working mums just went to work and never saw their children, so at no point did I say being a SAHM was easy, just that being a SAHM of school aged kids, in most circumstances, is easier than being a working parent.

And as we've established, being a SAHM of toddlers is probably harder than both.

And I will absolutely go to bat for any SAHM who has a partner who comes home and settles himself on the couch expecting to be waited on, regardless of the scenario, when he walks through the door her shift is over and he needs to be doing 50/50 of the work that's left to do.

Its a feminist issue. Caring and keeping a house running is not seen as proper "work" but it obviously is. This is basic second wave feminism. Sad to see so many women railing against the very idea.

And I will absolutely go to bat for any SAHM who has a partner who comes home and settles himself on the couch expecting to be waited on, regardless of the scenario, when he walks through the door her shift is over and he needs to be doing 50/50 of the work that's left to do.

With you on this one.

Why? Can only women care for and keep a house?

In your world, the WOHP is finishing their job/employment for the day and coming home to work for the evening? I bet you wouldn't say that!

I think also it really, really depends on what your (paid) job is, as I said earlier on this thread. If you have a low stress job, that you enjoy, childcare that’s good quality and reasonably affordable and maybe some family support, then that probably makes working easier than not. Equally if you happen to be a SAHM of one relatively low needs child, or school age children with no additional needs, that’s also probably not that hard.

Like I said before, I wish people could just understand that whatever you do, it has pros and cons, hard bits and easy bits. It shouldn’t be a competition about who has it harder. Ultimately, what women (in particular) need is choice.

I also think it’s very easy to judge without knowing full circumstances or situations.

@maybein2022

No, because it’s not essential. Looking after small children is.

I don't actually disagree with that. Some posters however , are trying to extend that to anything and everything, even things that they would do anyway for themselves to the point it becomes ridiculous.

It's certainly a chore. Not leisure.

My grandsons mum says she doesnt need a job as she considers the money she receives in benefits to be a 'wage' and she says that the government 'pay her' to stay at home?

The whole SAHM thing is always going to cause controversy, sadly not all mums now can afford to stay at home.

My own DD has just had a baby and she is currently on maternity leave, her plan is to stay off work for a year, but she does have the option of not returning to work as her DH can afford to support them financilly and he would prefer her to stay at home if thats what she choses.

However, she is considering going back to work part time, so she can still be in the company of other non mums.

I think you can afford to be a SAHM then do it, its got to be the best thing for your child, but I also understand that people can't always afford that priviege

SAHPs are all contributing to the community by volunteering too ;-)

not all of them... as i illustrated with the grandsons mum... she has no intention of ever working because the government pays her not to

I work (fitting it around the school day and when the children are in bed) and look after my children and volunteer too.

Yes admittedly I pay for a cleaner and gardener to enable me to do those things, but I still do them

Sorry I was being sarcastic. It is a cliche I often see, that sahms are always volunteering and helping others in the community. When IRL I rarely see it!

My sarcasm failed. Must try harder!

ah... i see.. sorry my own fault for not reading the entire thread....

i do despair as ome SAHP's do give others a bad name

I knew you were, surely the winky face should have been a tip off.

I'd say it's far better "feminism" to ensure men do their fair share of the housework

(Plus tbh in an era of dishwashers.and washing machines and supermarket food deliveries and non-iron clothes, keeping a house running isn't that serious or time consuming)

SAHPs are all contributing to the community by volunteering too ;-)

I did. In two places too.. One week I realised I had a commitment every single day while DD was in nursery. I was such a dumbass.

It is work. You are raising the future generation. I hate why people look down on us. We are teaching them important life skills like toileting, eating and most of all giving them love. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad OP they are probably just jealous that they can’t give the same time to their kids

I don't receive any benefits and I would love to have an employment in my field but with a SEN teen it's not possible. Or I would have to get him admitted to boarding school and he would not be happy. When we had children we decided that I should be home with each until they were 3 y old which I felt was a privilege (but I have always loved being around children, not just my own). When it was clear that our eldest had SN and needed to be taken to professionals and need sociability training the decision to devote my life to him and his younger NT brother was natural. I'm confident he wouldn't be such a lovely person (though really hard to deal with at times) if I hadn't invested my time and my love in doing everything I possibly could for him. So when people hear that I'm a SAHM for a 10- and a 14-year old I do get some odd looks😄.. but then they don't know that my 14-year needs to be told xxx times to eat his breakfast, brush his teeth, put his clothes on, comb his hair etc etc and that he has no notion of time and his OCD makes him block on everything and he's only got a total of 10 h a week of school. And my home isn't spotless, we don't have enough money to eat out or do a lot of extras and I don't go to the gym or shop like a desperate housewife. I swim, walk and read and occasionally see a friend and I've learned to appreciate the small things in life so I feel quite lucky that way...

Working parents can be helicopter parents too. My sister works and when her DD was little she never left the poor child alone even when she was playing with her friends, my sister would stand over her.
She was babied for far too long. She's a teenager now and my sister will still get her snacks and drinks, get her phone for her, put it in charge, drive her to and from school etc.
Do you actually know the children/parents you are judging were SAHP or is it an assumption? They could be working parents but like my sister.

Sorry , am shattered, probably from working hanging out having fun with my children all weekend