For a 26 year old to share with a two year old (sibling)

[flowerygardens]

Dss is 26 and ds is 2

Our plan was for ds to have dss old bedroom, he moved out at 23 so we had a spare room and decided to ttc but he moved back home at 24 just before we knew we were expecting back into his old room.
Now there's no bedroom for ds who is in with us for now but would it be unreasonable to expect dss to share with his brother?
We have no idea how long he'll be back home but it sounds like he plans to stay forever now as he doesn't have a great paid job and was struggling to manage on his own.

It's only a 2 bed house and it's council so moving is only an option if we can find an exchange which is almost impossible.
Dp wants to provide him with a home for as long as he needs it but I also need my son to have a room and that was the intended bedroom when we planned to have a baby together in what was then the spare room but dss ended up moving out for such a short time that he still sees it as his room as it always has been.
It's not that I don't want dss there but I had my only child on the expectation that he will have a bedroom because at the time one was spare and understand dp position but feel dp is unreasonable saying he can share our room or we can sleep in the living room which is not how I planned to raise my child.
Dp has been a single parent to ds since he was very small and he doesn't have contact with his mother so I see that to them it's his room and only the age gap between the brothers that's making it difficult because they'd probably need bunk beds.
I honestly feel like everything has backfired and don't know how dss can ever move out now because his situation hasn't changed and he is very comfortable back at home.
I don't think dss would be happy but he has a home and we have to find a way to sleep everyone.

At 18 my mum said, “you’re out!! Either you live away at school or you live away and find a job. But you will be living away.”

I’d be very tempted to tell your husband that you and your son are moving out and he and his big baby can have the freaking house to themselves.

I would have lost my patience at about age 22, four years ago.

They cannot share a room.

I don’t know anything about council houses because I’m in California.
But what kills me is that so many people on here are suggesting the OP & her husband to do backflips & cartwheels to accommodate a 26-yr-old man who shouldn’t be living there in the first place.

DSS is a 26 year old man. The dad, OP's partner, needs to accept that and put his young child first now. FGS it would not be turning his back on his first born to do so. Put a plan in place for DSS to get a better job and move out.

I'd ask your partner to sit down with his son and go through his finances. Most people his age I know of live in house or flat shares.

It wouldn’t be at all appropriate for a 2 year old to share with a 26 year old sibling, no. At 2 years old he can stay with you!

ive got 2bed council/ds room= entire front half of house,mines good size double,bthroom next to it.......so.....if anything Like that size a screenwall? Do you have garden? if so..may be worth build a "cabin"(grge conversion???attic???) 26 yo SURELY jump @ the "independence"? at fairly low cost (to repay build cost\contribute £'s)if ws to get arsey jusst say u n da go init he permnent night shifts wi wee bro?
You cant realistically pull bunk beds.
is HE on council wait list for own place? is it viable you tell THEM is overcrowd?dd points t very least?
is private let ruled out entirely
my kids is 14 yrs apart in age...was always trundle under bed for big bro IF required.then sofa/bed/guest bed...no wy be more than couple of nights tho.

It's not practical to share. He is going to have a late bedtime and will wake up the 2 year old, every night. I'd ask him to get a room share somewhere else, he can't stay long term.

He can get a house share.

How many of us spend our adult lives in our 'childhood room'? How many of us would even want to?

From a safety point of view I would never want a toddler staying overnight with an adult male unsupervised. Yes it's a small risk but even as a half brother we know most abuse is by known adults.

Poor lad! He’s 26. I loathe this infanticising of grown adults. ‘Lads’ football’ ‘Lads’ holidays’ Yuk.
At 26 he needs to make his own way or contribute sufficiently that the family can move to a 3 bed house.

@Luckypinkduck so you never leave your children alone with their dad?

He's twenty bloody six!

Having read all this thread I still don't really see the issue with it if both the 26 year old and the 2 year old are happy.
2 year olds generally only sleep in their bedrooms - I've never met a 2 year old that plays in their room. They don't need this "personal space".
People saying that the 26 year might wake him by coming to bed. Well unless the parents go to bed at the same time as the 2 year old I assume they also have that potential issue.
Simple rule - don't wake your brother up.

He’s a 26 year old grown up, he needs to move out. Give him 12 months to sort it then DS can have their own room age 3. Help him find a house share.

Given your update that the house was originally your DP and DSS, I think that it would be a little unfair to kick your DSS out (although at 26 I would be actively encouraging him to move on with a house share or similar to gain independence). Ultimately as a Council property, perhaps the original intention was for DP to hand it over to DSS (I'm not sure if this is still allowed in your area)
In the short term, I'd get a sofa bed for either you and your DP or DSS, but to be honest in the long term I would look at getting your own property with your 2 year old. This will give you more security. If you cannot afford to rent privately, the council will probably house you and your toddler if you are 'homeless'.

I'm against the grain and feel sorry for the 26 year old. However old my dd is I will always make sure I have a home for her if she needs it. I feel you and dp should have arranged to live in a house with enough room to accommodate both his children. Bad enough his dad has had a new baby when his first child is in their 20s. 26 may be an adult, but you never stop being a parent and it is incredibly hard for young adults these days.

You have hit the nail on the head. Op did not ‘plan’ to bring up her 2yolike this. OP reallocated DSS’ room to Ds 2 even during pregnancy! Her obsession with Dss’ room is permanent.

I made the same point. That’s what OP’s issue is hence Dp rightly advised he and op move to the lounge so ds can have their bedroom instead. Yet, he is only 2. Nothing wrong staying with op until he is 4/5 yo.

dp has understood this non-issue v clearly hence op’s multiple threads on this.

Yes. The “we only TTC because we thought he’d gone” is new too. Probably to address the pages and pages of replies about why did you have a baby you didn’t have room for. Funny how the OP didn’t raise that point on the other thread.

Maybe she’s only just remembered 😂

*In a sense, he potentially has/had the worst of both worlds: growing up as an only child, which can be lonely and less fun (depending on the child and their personality, naturally); BUT one benefit of being an only is that you never need to worry about having to share and your room can always be yours whenever you come back to visit (or even need to move back in), unless your parent(s) move/downsize, of course.

Also, I know there's a widespread disdain on MN for anybody hoping to inherit when the time comes, but he may well see it that what would have been his inheritance will now instead go to his dad's (presumably significantly younger) new wife; then, she might subsequently decide to leave it all to her son and he gets nothing.*

I also feel sorry for him. His dad bought the house for them and he grew up there with his dad.

Then a young woman comes along and moves into dad's house, wants to have a baby and may well want to inherit the house for the benefit of HER son.

He is 26!

Regardless of his age, he is his dad's son and therefore a family member. I would do everything possible to accommodate my son if he was struggling financially.

I'd turn the living room into a bedroom, assuming of course it's self contained. Telling the stepson to move out probably isn't going to work out well tbh and he certainly can't be expected to share with a toddler.

I think the fact that you moved into their home is crucial here.

A cupboard in the kitchen for his stuff? Pay market rate for his childhood bedroom? OP moved into his house not the other way round and he was only gone for a couple of months before he broke up with his girlfriend and moved back home. He can’t afford a house share in his area on min wage either. It’s all on the other thread.

The story has been changed to get more people to say kick him out 😂