To think that too many people are in denial that they should not drive?

[Onomatofear]

I hear about countless examples of elderly people or people with health problems getting behind the wheel of a car when they shouldn't be. Why do they do it?

I remember my dh's granddad doing it. Now it's my dad. He's 78 and can barely walk without falling over and he refuses to accept that he shouldn't be on the road. About 6 months ago, he accidentally drove over a pedestrian island thinking it was an actual road. I pointed out to my mum that him being old wouldn't count as a defence. She still gets in the car with him(!)

And before you say why don't I report him, it's easy to say but I've reported someone before for the same sort of thing and he figured out it was me and went mad at me. It's even more difficult to report your own parent.

And when are you supposed to make this move to a location where you can walk to any resource you need? You can be over 80 and still not hitting things when you drive. But apparently you are supposed to give up your license so that young fools dont want to overtake you when it isnt safe to do so.

I wonder how many own fault accidents the OP has had - and how many her parent has had.

When we're older we'll be moving to a property that needs less maintenance. Ever tried finding a bungalow near to every service you might need - hens teeth are easier. There may be a few ground floor flats but not masses of them either.

Well, ideally you move before it becomes a necessity, so that you're not dealing with a house move (and all that entails) when you're already struggling with your health and mobility.

You don't need a bungalow either, lots of older people still live in "normal" houses and install stair lifts etc. to help them maintain their independence.

FIL is approaching eighty and recently widowed - the only reason he still has his independence is because he has a mobility scooter and lives minutes away from everything he needs. If he lived anywhere more rural, it would have been much harder to get him to give up his car.

ILs (86 and 89) do tag team driving down M4 (4 hour journey). Absolutely terrifying. In total denial regarding health and age impairments on driving. They. Just. Don't. Care.

After dealing with the consequences of relatives who did no preparation for when things would become difficult and refused to make any adjustments or have any help until things were very bad we have started preparing already so our children do not have to go through what we went through

when we moved we moved somewhere with a lot of services and public transport nearby , although we haven’t ruled out another move in a decade if we feel we need more adjustments

we moved somewhere without an attic and as much storage as we had so not as much crud to get rid of

we have already done power of attorney for health and finances

I have had points where I have not been able to drive for a long time and this has reinforced my view that we need to be somewhere where a car is not essential . Unfortunately some of the people of my age are now moving out to the country and more remote locations and I wonder how they will cope if they can’t drive as public transport is almost nonexistent and taxis ditto .

As a society we are not planning enough , for ourselves, for ageing .

For my grandad, it took a local tragedy where an elderly driver ran over and killed someone. As soon as grandad saw it on the news he stopped driving. He said he realised that absolutely could have been him that hit someone and he didn't want that to happen.

YANBU. There are so many people on the roads (not just elderly people) who shouldn’t be driving and how they even passed their test in the first place is beyond me. There’s so many women I’ve seen who sit so close to the steering wheel their chest is about an inch away, people who can’t see over the steering wheel and even people who go so slow on main roads for no reason to name a few. If your dad isn’t safe to be driving you need to do something or you’d never be able to live with yourself if he accidentally killed someone and you could have done something to help prevent it

Yes and there's loads of it, not just elderly people. The amount of people who drive really poorly is shocking to me sometimes.
I have Dyspraxia and I'd be shit. I'd endanger myself and others so I don't do it.

I hope this initiative is rolled out across the country.
There is no excuse for senior people to not have regular eye tests, they are free for the over 60s. During the eye test, the optician looks out for cataracts which are common in the over 60s and cause issues for drivers, especially at night.

You have a duty of care to everyone to inform dvla and police so they can arrange an assessment of his driving..

Hope the cash makes up for him potentially killing someone 🤬

Christ! That would be AWFUL!

It is.
Young, inexperienced drivers cause accidents too.

Going through similar at the moment with my Dad. Late 70s, numerous very serious health problems inc. stage 4 cancer. Very weak, frail and unsteady on his feet (can't walk more than a few steps so has a scooter to get out and about).
Just bought a high-end car, which he said he needed as 1. It's an automatic and can't manage gears anymore, 2. It's solid and safe, and 3. Why shouldn't he spend his own money? Its very flashy and prestigious and I suspect he likes the fact he can show-off a bit. Tbh I also think the salesman saw him coming.
Anyway, Mum won't drive it as she's not confident enough, and it's too big and complicated. He himself can't really get his head around all the new technology. I'm so scared he's putting himself, mum and other drivers/pedestrians at risk, but he used to drive for a living and is of the opinion all is well. Mum said it would break his heart if he had to give up his car, but admits that other drivers are often shouting at him or beeping the horn.
Currently mulling over my decision to have a word with his doctor and voice my concerns.

Have you children? Would you put them in the car with him, and if you haven’t would you be driven by him?

How bad would all of you feel if anyone, your parents included , got hurt?

Do the right thing.

Wow.

So your potential inheritance is more important to you than the safety of other road users? He could kill or seriously injure someone, and/or himself.

Unbelievable.

I'm not going to reply any more to people who keep blaming me - I am not responsible for his driving. I am not responsible for other people's shitty decisions that I would never take myself. My mum is the one who would be the most angry with me for reporting him.

Starting a war with them would be very isolating for me, never mind the money and I have no siblings . I have a complex relationship with them - they are not normal people and it is only in recent years that they've mellowed out a bit. I also have my own disabilities and complex mental health and inability to deal with fall outs.

If you still want to have a go at me then consider whether you would say any of this to someone in real life when you're not hiding behind a keyboard.

It's typical Mumsnet (argumentative and a distinct lack of empathy) for people to make this my fault when countless other posters have also said that they have a similar situation to deal with. Reporting him will probably not get him off the road and will just cause me untold trouble when I have enough to deal with.

No, but like a PP, you could sow the seed that it might be the opticiacians who reported him. He might never need to know exactly where it came from.

This totally. We've also had to deal with the same with in laws. Its been horrendous and I will not do that to my children. Its okay saying oh don't you dare put me in a home. Its not that simple. Its not your choice if you have dementia for example, the decision rests with those who have POA. And with regards to driving, yes we took the responsibility and took the car away because no one else would for everyone's benefit.

Oh and inheritance is never guaranteed. Your parents may need complex care that eats away at their money.

In my late 70s I realised that although I could see all right, I was becoming slower at interpreting what I saw. In daily life it has never made much difference, but on the road it was not safe enough, so I stopped driving. But my husband will drive me anywhere: it is not such an easy decision for those who are on their own.

sorry, muddled threads.

Anyone else remember the "man in hat" drivers? I guess they have died out, since the cohort of men who wore hats all the time has passed on. But years ago, if you were behind someone driving very slowly, it nearly always seemed to be a man in a hat, i.e. an elderly man.

I have said on this post already that I have a neurological condition and that I will have to give my licence up. I have also stated that I have seen the consequences of someone not giving up their licence when they should. I worked alongside the serious collision investigation unit in my local police force for over ten years and I can categorically tell you that I have said the things I have typed to people’s faces. I went on a weekend away with 16 other people who have the same condition as me and I had a few very frank conversations with some of the participants about this subject. Ultimately your father is making the decision to drive but you and your mother are enabling him. Just report him if you can’t talk to him and deny all knowledge if questioned. Because you will feel responsible even if you’re not should he injure someone.

Tough. A retest would help to keep drivers sharp and competent and wean out those who should no longer be behind the wheel. There are plenty of drivers on the roads who shouldn't be trusted with a supermarket trolley, never mind a killing machine.

I've come up with a solution. I can volunteer to go to the GP with my dad this week , sit in the appointment with him (because he forgets things) and then bring up driving with the GP. Hopefully the GP will say he shouldn't drive. He will (probably) listen to the GP because he tends to obey authority figures.

Let the GP know in advance so he's primed to ask the questions