To think that too many people are in denial that they should not drive?

[Onomatofear]

I hear about countless examples of elderly people or people with health problems getting behind the wheel of a car when they shouldn't be. Why do they do it?

I remember my dh's granddad doing it. Now it's my dad. He's 78 and can barely walk without falling over and he refuses to accept that he shouldn't be on the road. About 6 months ago, he accidentally drove over a pedestrian island thinking it was an actual road. I pointed out to my mum that him being old wouldn't count as a defence. She still gets in the car with him(!)

And before you say why don't I report him, it's easy to say but I've reported someone before for the same sort of thing and he figured out it was me and went mad at me. It's even more difficult to report your own parent.

The self certification system is so wrong. My late FIL was diagnosed with Alzheimer's but was in denial so didn't want anyone to know. MIL played along with it and let him fill in his DVLA applications saying that he was fit to drive. Eventually MIL took over the driving but they still had 2 cars and if she went out she would regularly come home to find that he had packed the car with random items to go home (they had been in the same house for over 25 years). I was terrified that he was going to actually get behind the wheel and try to drive to wherever he thought home was. Eventually I was listened to and MIL took his keys away and removed him from the insurance.
For years I avoided going in a car with him and made sure that my DDs didn't either. That was confirmed in December 2018 when PIL, DM and I went to hear DD1 perform in a concert. DM and I had got the bus into the city and MIL offered us all a lift home. It would have been a familiar route to him but at every junction MIL was telling FIL where to go and telling him to stop and go at traffic lights. It was a frightening 20 minutes.

This is quite interesting in Ireland. Over 76 you need a recent letter from your dr and insurance company to hire a vehicle and over 80s can’t hire at all. I agree with JSP that it’s age discrimination.

It’s called public transport millions use it!

Yes, I’ll just take a train and two buses for a 2hr trip that takes 40 minutes in the car! It’s not realistic for many people to get to work on public transport, especially if they need to drop kids at school first (that would add another bus and another hour to my morning commute, even though it’s only 10 minutes in the car).

This. When I was working, getting to work via public transport was relatively straightforward even though it was a two bus trip - bus into town followed by a bus to the other side of town from the same stop I’d got off at. I could do it in 40-45 mins. But getting home was another thing entirely. The bus from my work into town was a circular route and it took twice as long to get to the point I changed buses as it did in the morning, then I’d have a wait for the bus home. It could take anything up to two hours, and the actual road distance from my home to work was 4.5 miles. So I preferred to drive.

But it's not though. As we age, we are more prone to certain health issues, eyesight and hearing often deteriorates, and reflexes slow down. That's not age discrimination, it's a medical fact. My own DF knew this and gave up driving when he turned 70. But it seems a lot of older drivers aren't as responsible as my dad was.

You live in London. You can both drive. Not sure why you think anyone would think this unusual or problematic.

Try moving out of London. Maybe move to the urban sprawl around a small ex- industrial town with a partner without a driving licence. Neither of you can get to work without driving but he’s ok because you can drop him off. The supermarket is only 2 miles - so he could walk it but it makes more sense for you to just do it. Kids birthday parties - the play centre the parents booked is on that industrial estate in the edge of town. He can take the kids but it’s 2 buses and will take 90 minutes each way - you may as well do it because it’s only a 15 minute drive. You have 2 primary aged dc and they get 20 invitations a year between them. You can do the school drop off - it’s walkable but he would have to do a 40 minute walk there and back before you take him to work. You have to use breakfast club because he needs to drop them off earlier to accommodate the commute. Easier if you get the kids up early, all get into the car, drop him at work, double back and do the school run and then go onto work yourself. You can do the swimming lessons - the walking route to the leisure centre isn’t really safe and the buses have stopped by the time the lessons finish. Besides the kids have wet hair and it’s almost bedtime. They are in different classes so that’s 2 nights a week, plus karate is on another night. Maybe it’s best if you work part time because being the only driver has suddenly added 20 hours a week to your domestic load.

The not hiring at all to an over 80 driver is discrimination. If a doctor says you are ok to hire a car, that should be fine. A doctor won't sign the letter if you have dementia or a massive cataract that needs operating on!

But it isn't just about obvious things like dementia or cataracts is it. Aside from the fact that those things can go undetected for a long time, reflexes naturally slow down with age and it's not very easy for a GP to determine how good your driving reflexes are unless he examines you behind the wheel, which obviously they're not going to do. It's easy to scream out "ageism" when you haven't spent a considerable amount of time with ageing people but it's actually about medical facts. Many older people realise this themselves and choose to give up driving, while some remain in denial.