Man in flat bellow makes me uncomfortable. (This post has racial issues)

[Howtoadressthis]

Hi I have name changed due to this issue being slightly offensive I don’t mean it too but I’m really nervous it’s driven due to unconscious racial bias rather then a actual issue.

I live in a block of flats in fact it is a ESL (English second language) block of flats due to a fire at my previous adress. I am white British 25 single mum. i love my neighbours in fact we went to one of their Eid celebrations and one gave us a cake at Diwali. I mention this due to the racist undertone I’m scared of this post having.

in my flat there is a man downstairs we will call him Dan. Dan stopped me about two weeks ago to ask where my husband was I replied I’m a single mum and he replied oh no your too beautiful for that. I left it felt a bit uncomfortable as his wife and two kids are lovely but just took the compliment. A week later I heard a knock on my flat door I shouted out I was in the bath to come back as I was expecting a friend and assumed she was just early (sounds rude but we have the friendship we normally just walk into each others houses just my bathroom is opposite the door so if she opened it so would be fully visable In the bath. Anyway the knocking started again I grabbed my towel and I realised it was the man from downstairs to tell me he was leaving the flats and goodbye. Anyway I went on a weeks holiday came back and he is stood downstairs clearly not left. I feel really uncomfortable and almost like he was trying to see where I live.

now he hasn’t actually done anything and the reason I mention racism is he is a Muslim man and I want to mention to my housing officer he’s made comments and the waiting for me in the bath however I’m nervous it would seem weird as he hasn’t actually done anything major. I am trying to forget it but there is something about the way he looks at me that really creeps me out. There was a time about 3 months ago he waited in his car outside for me to walk past (I went in a shop and back out) asked if I wanted a lift to anywhere I said no and he drove offf.

im also really nervous he is just friendly and subconsciously I have racist thoughts due to news storys and scaremongering.

what I am asking is
does his behaviour seem uncomfortable would it make you uncomfortable.
would it be something you would mention to a housing officer
or is it subconsciously racist.

I really don’t mean to offend I told a group of friends and two said they would feel uncomfortable and one mentioned are you uncomfortable due to stereotypes and that’s why I am writing this post.

I do ask you are kind I was sexually abused as a child and I have a lot of subconscious thoughts due to this which is why I am asking on a anonymous forums.
thank you

You're not being racist and anyone who tries to tell you you are is gaslighting you. This man is behaving in a way that is making you feel unsafe. Race has no bearing on that.

so he asked if you had a husband

he came to the flat to say goodbye

but you’re aware he hasn’t left a week later

so two interactions in total?

oh sorry two weeks he asked about your husband

and then waited in his car three months ago for you?

so 3 interactions in total over 3 months?

You are massively overthinking this.

This has nothing to do with racism even if you are unconsciously biased against him. The behavior you are describing is straight up predatory within ordinary male/female relationships. Buy yourself a copy of “The Gift of Fear” and learn how to recognize dangerous/predatory behavior and defend against it.

Your good neighbor s will not make you feel uncomfortable. The fact that he makes you uncomfortable is a sign that he is encroaching and that is not ok in either an english cultural schema or a muslim cultural schema.

His race and ethnicity are pretty moot point. He makes you uncomfortable. That's enough.

Log the instances he's done/said things that make you uncomfortable and once you feel it has reached an appropriate point, escalate to your housing officer.

Why was he waiting to see where you live if he knocked your door?

He said he was knocking on everyone's as he was leaving but he is still here now.

Dan stopped me about two weeks ago to ask where my husband was I replied I’m a single mum and he replied oh no your too beautiful for that

I get why people are saying that not enough has happened for OP to be feeling this way. But I'd find the above really uncomfortable, and whatever the person's race, I'd be feeling a bit wary, and it would affect how I reacted to further interactions.

You aren’t being racist.

I’m sure you’d be just as uncomfortable if the man was white British.

This is unwanted contact and should be seen as such. I (and I think a lot of other women) have been harassed by men of all ethnic backgrounds and the feeling of discomfort is always the same. It’s not racist to feel threatened by a man who is overstepping boundaries.

A racist thing to do would be to excuse this man’s behaviour on the grounds of his ethnicity. As if only white people were capable of respecting other people’s boundaries.

ok so in 3 months

he offered you a lift
asked about a husband
came to door to say goodbye but still there

So.when he knocked and you were in the bath, you didn't open the door?

Or you did and he told you he was knocking everyone.

It has been three main interactions in 3 months I've seen him around since and he just looks at me but sometimes I think that's the awkward look and not much however the waiting outside my door for 10 minutes made me really uncomfortable especially as he didn't leave

oh don’t answer your front door ever in your towel
i know what you said about your Best friend but surely call through the door to confirm first

I have no idea what anyone’s ethnicity or religion has to do with any of this.

Unless you are using it as a dog whistle to get all the racist and islamaphobes out, that has been happening a lot here resently.

Anyway, back to the topic:
YABU
Sounds like you are totally overthinking this one.

so you opened the door he said bye
and then he stayed outside for 10 mins?

I am half Indian. Before I get accused of racism.

Was Dan raised in Britain?

My experience is that a lot of men who are from countries where men and women do not freely interact come to the UK and see women living on their own, wearing skirts etc and have no clue how to interact.

Do not fear being racist. You have boundaries which should be respected. This is exactly what enabled the grooming gangs.

Of course it could be nothing but do not minimise your feelings.

I wouldn't ignore your intuition. It's not a racial issue imo as it would be just as creepy no matter who was doing it - has nothing to do with his religion, just his behaviour. I'm not sure there is much that could be done to keep him away from you. Try to put your energy elsewhere, thinking about this too much will only leave you more anxious and you can't predict if anything more will come of this. Are you trying to find new accomodation?

I shouted out thinking it was my friend come back in a minute I'm in the bath and he just stayed there as he knocked abiout 3 more times. My bath is about 7 steps from the front door and my bathroom door was open as my children were in bed and I wanted to be able to hear them so there is no way he didn't hear me.

Your post isn’t really very clear and I can’t actually work out what happened when you were in the bath.

What he said to you about being too beautiful to be single is a bit creepy. I can’t really unpick the rest of your post to see if this creepy behaviour continues or he is just committing the offence of living near you 🤷🏻‍♀️

I only asked about race as someone mentioned it to me it didn't come into my mind until it got mentioned to me as I was going to just mention it when our flag inspection happened as it made me feel nervous.

He already knew where you lived though?

I presume the OP has mentioned race as it's reported Muslim men see white women as sexual objects to have their way with 🤷🏾‍♀️. This is why she's doubting herself, in case she's being biased.

It may/not be the case that his behaviour is predatory, but if you're uncomfortable, report it. You're instincts are there for a reason. If his behaviour is perfectly innocent, then he'll be horrified to know he's put you on edge and apologise/avoid you.

I live in a block of flats in fact it is a ESL (English second language) block of flats due to a fire at my previous adress. is this in the UK? I'm amazed the segregate people like that