Man in flat bellow makes me uncomfortable. (This post has racial issues)

[Howtoadressthis]

Hi I have name changed due to this issue being slightly offensive I don’t mean it too but I’m really nervous it’s driven due to unconscious racial bias rather then a actual issue.

I live in a block of flats in fact it is a ESL (English second language) block of flats due to a fire at my previous adress. I am white British 25 single mum. i love my neighbours in fact we went to one of their Eid celebrations and one gave us a cake at Diwali. I mention this due to the racist undertone I’m scared of this post having.

in my flat there is a man downstairs we will call him Dan. Dan stopped me about two weeks ago to ask where my husband was I replied I’m a single mum and he replied oh no your too beautiful for that. I left it felt a bit uncomfortable as his wife and two kids are lovely but just took the compliment. A week later I heard a knock on my flat door I shouted out I was in the bath to come back as I was expecting a friend and assumed she was just early (sounds rude but we have the friendship we normally just walk into each others houses just my bathroom is opposite the door so if she opened it so would be fully visable In the bath. Anyway the knocking started again I grabbed my towel and I realised it was the man from downstairs to tell me he was leaving the flats and goodbye. Anyway I went on a weeks holiday came back and he is stood downstairs clearly not left. I feel really uncomfortable and almost like he was trying to see where I live.

now he hasn’t actually done anything and the reason I mention racism is he is a Muslim man and I want to mention to my housing officer he’s made comments and the waiting for me in the bath however I’m nervous it would seem weird as he hasn’t actually done anything major. I am trying to forget it but there is something about the way he looks at me that really creeps me out. There was a time about 3 months ago he waited in his car outside for me to walk past (I went in a shop and back out) asked if I wanted a lift to anywhere I said no and he drove offf.

im also really nervous he is just friendly and subconsciously I have racist thoughts due to news storys and scaremongering.

what I am asking is
does his behaviour seem uncomfortable would it make you uncomfortable.
would it be something you would mention to a housing officer
or is it subconsciously racist.

I really don’t mean to offend I told a group of friends and two said they would feel uncomfortable and one mentioned are you uncomfortable due to stereotypes and that’s why I am writing this post.

I do ask you are kind I was sexually abused as a child and I have a lot of subconscious thoughts due to this which is why I am asking on a anonymous forums.
thank you

Which is why, if anything its creepier. The "decent" Muslim men I know would probably be more careful about innappriate behaviour than a non-muslim man in general. Creepy men exist in all cultures but the red flags are sometimes a bit different. He could also be basically a bit of a man whore, which also exists in every race/culture/religion and is testing the water to see if OP is interested.

I think you ought to ask my Muslim ex colleague why he was having sex with another colleague over the desk in the office one night when his religion discourages him from talking to women.

OP didn't. It was her friend who made it about race and made OP doubt herself.

I would put everything else to one side if he's making you feel uncomfortable that's enough.

Could you maybe speak to your housing officer about putting a ring doorbell up? That might make you feel a bit more comfortable when you're at home and act as a deterrent to unwanted visits. You said the housing situation is temporary? Have they given you an estimate of how long until you are moved?

The national stalking helpline is a good source of information, it doesn't have to be full stalking to get advice on how to stay safe.

Lots of people have Muslim backgrounds but aren't practicing. They'll drink alcohol, eat non halal, harass and assault women, murder people and so on.
Just like in every other race and religion.
Muslims suffer as well from these types of people so no one will be upset or think you're racist for calling it out and reporting any criminal or predator.

Lots of people have Muslim backgrounds but aren't practicing

This. Just like lots of people may define themselves as Catholic when specifically asked about what religion they are but they dont actually practice it. Being from a certain religious background and practicing it are two very different things.

So how many times would a married man have to wait in his car for you, for you to feel it was weird? 😳

I am a housing officer who predominantly works with refugees.
I would definitely mention it to your housing officer just so it is noted down. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable should be noted, especially when you have past trauma or even MH like anxiety. which can be triggering
It's not racist at all to not understand different cultures and living arrangements. Sometimes I too am shocked by the things I come across that are just deemed as normal. It is unusual for a married man to take such an interest, he probably thinks he's being friendly and modern; but it comes across as creepy. You should still remain polite but be firm.

No OP you’re not being prejudice, go with your gut and try not to interact with this creepy bastard going forward.

Threads like this annoy me so much because you get loads of posters falling over themselves to call out the perceived racism. I live in Telford. I grew up on the same street as people who have since gone to prison for their part in grooming gangs. I know people who have had their windows bricked and cars burnt out for speaking to the police. I literally went to school with somebody who is in prison for raping a girl in the toilets of a nightclub. There are many, many Muslim men who view white British women in a certain way that makes them think it’s acceptable to abuse and mistreat them. That’s just a fact.

Just because it’s only absolute bellend bigots like Tommy Robinson who actually say this stuff out loud (for his own nefarious reasons may I add, not to help any of the victims - can’t stand the little hobbit) doesn’t mean there is no truth to it. It is sad that on a forum like mumsnet where women’s rights and fair treatment are championed so much, conversations like this get shut down so quickly and anybody who mentions anything to do with this issue gets shut down.

And lots of Muslims will go to mosque regularly and also do all the things you’ve mentioned.

When we talk about male on female violence and some idiot says “not all men” we agree that this is unhelpful and pointless…why do the same rules not apply when talking about this issue? Clearly everybody is aware that not all Muslims practising or non practising do/think horrible things that would be a ridiculous thing to imply.

I agree with this I think it just caught me out the question and my son is 4 and will often talk for me and was there so I just answered on the spot I do agree I should maybe he lied or just said something else it wasn't until the knocking on the door a few days after it made me feel really uncertain about the whole situation

This was exactly what freaked me out

That’s not necessarily true! Some
men are just creepy gits.

I’ve met/worked with religion men from other religions and some they have refused to engage with me (once they realised I wasn’t one of them - I ‘pass’ as a few groups) shake hands or even accept a cup of tea/glass from my filthy little hands.

He's a predatory creepy bloke who's testing your boundaries and making you uncomfortable. His race has no bearing on the issue. Keep your distance and log any further events

!!!!!

Plenty of devout practising muslim men assault women, they simply hide behind the religion and the community will always support the man because he is a respectable family man. Too many religious teachers also sexually assault the kids they teach at after school Quran classes. Religious men are still men, they just have religion as a cover.

It's not unconscious bias if you're fully aware of it. You know him being a Muslim has affected how you feel about him and have admitted that here.

He's a bit creepy.
His ethnicity is irrelevant.

Also, if he's a Muslim and you're not, he might be of the turn of mind that it's alright to go after you as you are a non Muslim woman and are not owed any respect. People and men especially are tribal.

Would you feel equally uncomfortable if the guy was white? I'd imagine so as it's odd behaviour and would make most women uncomfortable. Nothing racist about it at all and I don't think you need to even consider that when deciding what action to take.

It doesn't sound as though race is the issue, inappropriate behaviour is however.

Take all of the race related things out of your post and re read it, that'll tell you clearly what the issue is.

You’re not racist… Your intuition is pinging for a reason. Please listen to it. It’s okay to get the heebie jeebies about individuals of any race, gender, size, whatever… you absolutely do not need to have a reason. The worst thing would be living to regret ignoring it. This guy’s behaviour is icky and is more than enough reason to reported you don’t have any kind of friendship with him. Report in a factual way and let them know that you are afraid of repercussions.

You're right to be wary of him. It sounds like he knocked on every door with a fake 'I'm leaving' excuse to see where you lived. Also a stranger neighbour offering you a lift is off. Never get in his car.

I'd report him to your housing officer at least.