To dislike children's birthday parties?

[NanananananananaBATman]

My DS has three in the next week, reception age about to go up to year one so I assume parents are expected to stay. It is my idea of hell having to be 'on' and sociable because I'm neurodiverse and bordering on burnout.

I have a gift budget of £10 each which seems to be the minimum people tend to spend, fine if there's 1 birthday but expensive when there are 3. I have bills that cost less.

I grin and bear it for my DC but am I being unreasonable to really dislike this part of parenting?

I don't think anyone likes them other than the kids.

It’s a relatively short phase unless you have 4 kids or something. If you do want to make connections / friendships with other parents do it now. That window closes the older they get.

I have three DC between the ages of 2 and 6 so I'll have more to come no doubt 😂

Absolutely agree with this, I made all my school mum friends at these parties that we all had to go to week after week. We’re still friends 10 years later. I appreciate it must be harder for you OP. Is there anyone you could meet up with beforehand to get to know a bit and then perhaps it wouldn’t be so hard?

From about 5 it was drop off for us. I got along with a lot of parents at that age but also found it was such a drain making small talk.
Dh and I used to take turns so it wasn't that bad. And now my dc is older it's just drop off.

Most of us hate them and struggle with the social side by weekend, it fizzles out after Y1 though

Your partner should be taking them too.

Same - our kids about to get their a levels results we both still socialise all the time with their (now ex) primary school friends parents.

You're not meant to enjoy them, the parties are for the children so obviously they won't be something you find enjoyable. However, they really don't last long so unfortunately it's just one of those things you have to endure for the sake of building relationships for both yourself and your children.

I'm friendly with some of the mums already, they're really nice people and I have absolutely nothing against them at all. I would just rather not go and have to chit chat for two hours 😁

Would it be unreasonable for me to broach the subject of drop and leave when we get there? I've suddenly realised I have something very pressing I need to get done 😉

Draining - yes that's pretty much how the forced socialising feels to me too!

Feels dramatic.

dont take them if it’s bothering you that much

I take a craft (cross stitch, crochet) that way I can politely not talk to people if I want to after an initial chit chat.

It does feel a bit melodramatic. It's a few hours and presumably their father can take them to some of the parties?

Sorry, but it's part and parcel of being a parent. DD went to a lot of soft play parties until about the age of 6. We lived too far to drop and run, plus it wasn't fair on the host to be responsible for 20+ children. Also the soft plays we went to were quite strict about adult to child ratio.

I think quite a lot of parents underestimate how much social stuff is required when the DC are little. You want them to have friends and feel included, so you just have to suck it up I'm afraid.

Could you get together with parents you are friendly with and take it in turns to take the DC to parties?

I like them! Gives a structure to our weekends and other than a present, is a free, fun activity. Plus time to chat and chill.

How is that "polite"?

"Excuse me, I find your company so excruciating that I'm going to sit on my own and do this very important crochet."

I like seeing DD having fun with her friends. I like her friends as well. That’s what it’s about. She hates loud entertainers which are hugely popular round here at the moment but she’s happy chucking balloons around and pass the parcel and cake!

You can't see how loud parties and socialising might be difficult for people on the spectrum? That's a bit short sighted.

I'm going because I know it's important to make the effort for your children, that doesn't mean i won't find it stressful.

It's not for you. It's for your child. Like when you take them to the dentist every 6 months. Just get on with it. I hate them too but it's just what being a parent is.

Why can't his dad take him then? If you're close to burnout why are you the one who has to go to the party?

Book a Monday off work if your battery needs recharging

Presents, buy a variety or unisex ones on offers (like Argos 2 for £15) in advance. Or keep any unwanted gifts your kids got.

Split the "pleasure" with your children's dad.

Make some chit chat with the people you feel most comfortable with , then depending where the party is break it up with toilet breaks, needing a coffee/drink ,need some fresh air etc.

When you return, sit in a quieter/less populated corner.

Focus on your kid /join in if they want you to.

The hardest bit is when the food is served and all the kids are sitting down and the parents are all together watching.

I'm assuming dad isn't in the picture or isn't able to. Don't assume the standard 2.4 kids family with a 9-5 5 days a week job.

I dont think any parent likes them, you go because you do it for your child