To dislike children's birthday parties?

[NanananananananaBATman]

My DS has three in the next week, reception age about to go up to year one so I assume parents are expected to stay. It is my idea of hell having to be 'on' and sociable because I'm neurodiverse and bordering on burnout.

I have a gift budget of £10 each which seems to be the minimum people tend to spend, fine if there's 1 birthday but expensive when there are 3. I have bills that cost less.

I grin and bear it for my DC but am I being unreasonable to really dislike this part of parenting?

Thanks for being kind most of you 🙂

I'm glad it's not just me who finds them difficult then!

We went. DS had a wonderful time. I made an effort to chat and help out.

I've had a panic attack this evening which I think has been building for a few days. I've had a lot to deal with lately, medically, and the last thing I needed was multiple social occasions lined up as it really does fill me with dread, but I do my best to put the kids first.

I've had a low level anxiety for the past week and it reached a peak this evening.

DC totally oblivious, thankfully, and I excused myself once home to go for a short walk as I felt it coming on.

Oh, and DH is definitely doing the Wednesday party. Hurrah. One down, one to go 😬

I think dropping off from age 4 is fine if your child is fine with it. Just tell them that is all you cam do. Most parents of birthday kids prefer the ones who drop off.

Definitely not considered acceptable to drop off child at 4 to any parties I’ve been to over the last 30 years (and have lived in several parts of the country) I would be horrified if hosted a party for 4 year olds and all the parents just came and dropped off. Usually acceptable from around 7 (sometimes 6) especially if being hosted at home but most of the parents usually stay if at play centre etc but a few after 7 may ask if ok to leave them or parents sometimes make it clear they’re happy with this but no way at 4 😱

Glad it worked out ok today and being able to share the load with this week’s parties at least. I’m a fairly sociable person but still find it hit and miss as to whether hit it off with the other parents or just end up sitting awkwardly on my phone or pretending to read the menu/leaflets etc and even whether my DC even enjoys it (or refuses to join in the games etc). Some end up being great and some a miserable experience. The cost too 😑 we easily spend £40-50 a month on presents etc which is no small amount to us but at the same time we would maybe spend £10 on a day out/food that day otherwise and important socially (argos 2 for £15 deals great) I would say don’t feel you have to accept every invite (if every parent accepted invites to my children’s parties we would be bankrupt, I count on some declining!) and also if it feels too much for you at the party don’t feel bad about sitting aside from the other parents and scrolling on your phone. If another parent needed to work on their laptop or didn’t want to socialise it really wouldn’t bother me as either the host or another parent. I’d just be concerned they they were ok so might ask but then can just say really important work project to complete or family thing need to organise etc

I posted earlier then didn't have a chance to finish my message. You have put it so kindly much better than me.

Hey, fellow person on the spectrum!

I'd say:

1. it gets easier. I now alternate parties with another parent and her angelic child.
2. it's fine to bring your phone / take yourself off to a chair on the side and just watch the kids playing after 10 minutes of small talk
3. £10 per present is high imo. Something from the Argos 2 for £10 is fine; a small Lego set is fine (£7 or less); something practical like a water bottle is fine; a book and a chocolate bar is fine. Basically, if you want a mission I'd aim to find decent presents at a lower price. My personal aim is stuff which is either fungible (baking kits etc) or high playability but small (mini Lego set).

Do keep alternating with your partner in the meantime.

Buy books as a birthday present. The Wprks usually have good deals on kids books. 3 for 2.

I do one my husband does the next- are you stuck doing them all yourself?

I don't mind the social side of it, I actually quite like that. But I struggle with the effect on the whole day - the whining of "when is it the party? Can we go yet? Is it time yet?" and then the actual party where most of the children seem to get over excited and then there's tears and fall outs, or they fall over and hurt themselves on an overcrowded bouncy castle, and all they eat is sugar, then they come home and have an emotional meltdown because you set boundaries on them wanting to eat the entire contents of the party bag, and so it goes on. I find it hard work and my DD in particular just gets a bit overwhelmed by it all.

I mean, it sort of us is a wall for me. Of course if someone approaches me and chats I will immediately put the book down and respond, I'm not rude! However ultimately I don't go to a kids party to make friends.

Not sure why you're linking it to parents who say they are lonely etc as surely that's two completely different groups of people. Im certainly not lonely, that's kind of the point actually - I already have friends, so I'm not bothered about networking at parties. If I didn't have friends then it would be different, and I'd make more of an effort, I suppose. But I don't need to. I have loads of connections, they're just not mostly the other parents at the huge number of parties I've now been to for my reception age child. Reading a book at some parties certainly hasn't stopped me from making/having friends.