To dislike children's birthday parties?

[NanananananananaBATman]

My DS has three in the next week, reception age about to go up to year one so I assume parents are expected to stay. It is my idea of hell having to be 'on' and sociable because I'm neurodiverse and bordering on burnout.

I have a gift budget of £10 each which seems to be the minimum people tend to spend, fine if there's 1 birthday but expensive when there are 3. I have bills that cost less.

I grin and bear it for my DC but am I being unreasonable to really dislike this part of parenting?

Oh 100%. You already know how it goes!😅

I wasn't looking to lead it into any discussion but if you find this part of parenting difficult then it seems logical that their father take on this aspect. If he's at work at the time of the party then there's nothing he can do about that but that doesn't mean he can't help make it less stressful for you, he could have brought the presents and card and lightened the load.

Yes they’re horrendous. Luckily the class parties are getting fewer now towards end of reception. The tears, the having to mingle, the cliques, the quarrels… ahhhhh
We had a party in the house for my sons 5th and he asked 6 friends (from in school and out) and it was much less stressful!

We are just starting children's parties. My DP told me, in all seriousness, that he absolutely hates them and hates small talk and it's more "my sort of thing". He was shocked to learn that every single person on earth hates them, we do it for the children. Will definitely be implementing a split on who attends going forward.

How? !!

It's such a heteronormative assumption that there is a male partner.

It's also an assumption that he's not dead or left.

Shes already said they have a father and he's not dead or not on the scene. Him being at work on the day of the party doesn't mean he couldn't have helped get gifts sorted?

They aren’t enjoyable. I’m not ND and I still hate them. I hate my own dc’s parties too. Thankfully, their birthdays are in the same week 🙈 so it’s one hell ish week of party hosting every year and then done. Dh and I take turns doing them.

Around here, everyone still stays through Y1. But you don’t have to talk to anyone. Sit on your phone with a coffee and ignore everyone. It’s fine.

OP hadn't said any of that before the interrogation

None of us love them. You do them for your kids - that's how they have a social life outside of school. Doesn't last for ever.

The parties are relentless at that age!! My tips for keeping the cost down was to bulk buy presents when they’re on offer. Buy wrapping paper on eBay, you get 20 assorted sheets for the same price as one roll in supermarket. Also buy packs of plain cards and envelopes and get DC to make the card.
Also my DC knew that going to every single party was not an option. If an invitation appeared in school bag from a child I’d never heard mentioned I would say “who is X?” If the reply was “a boy in my class “ I’d suggest that was one that they didn’t need to go to.
It does get better as they get older.

Hardly an interrogation to enquire if there is another parent and if so why they can't share the load.

Although I appologise sincerely if that's how any of my posts came across. Either way the point still stands that if the child has two parents which these children fortunately do then surely then other parent can help lighten the mental load particularly if it's clear that one parent is struggling like the OP is.

Not everyone does want to make friends with other parents though. I never had the slightest bit of interest in doing that. My kids had 14 years of this between the oldest being 5 and the youngest 7. And I've managed to escape having to hang around with people who merely gave birth around the same time.

I had loads of friends but none of them through kids. And kids never missed our due to it. Always plenty of invites etc

I do understand that argument yes. The other parent if available should be helping as much as possible

Oh and my husband will take him more than me. He loves talking to the mams and nans that go.

It's not the present part I find stressful, it's the actual party itself. I always seem to get a migraine when I go to soft play which is probably the lighting. It's loud, hot, busy and to add to that I'll have to do small talk for the majority of the time there or risk looking unsociable and potentially alienating myself and/or DC in the future.

It's quite a lot of effort for an introverted aspie but it's the price we pay for having children so I'll crack on and get it done, I just needed a bit of a moan before the mask goes on.

You definitely need some earplugs! They make the office so much less intense for me.

Could you just not bother? Who will remember in a year.

soft play aka hell on earth.

Good luck op

I remember parties I went to as a kid

No way are you being unreasonable. For a few years I did discos for children’s birthday parties. Whilst I still found children’s birthday parties more enjoyable than weddings, they were a lot of work for a few hours and I was just setting up equipment, playing music, doing party games and taking equipment down. Felt like I didn’t stop from the minute I arrived.

I used to have to go and chill out for the remainder of the day and sometimes have a nap afterwards. I was in my 20s at the time 😂

Totally with you there op. Soft play is hell under any circumstances. And DC often end up with some lurgy afterwards. It's ok if you want to swerve. An invitation is just that; it's not an obligatory summons. And for now, you are in charge of accepting or declining. Missing the odd party here or there is not going to turn your son in to a social pariah.

I can completely get that, I am NT and its a bit of a sensory overload. Apart from parties I always tried to avoid softplay, I'd rather go to a park in the rain than go to soft play! 🤣

As an aside you can get soft play for adults now and I would not find it appealing at all!

I think the children would be upset. The three birthday boys/girl are my DC's closest friends in school. I've heard from two mums how much they wanted DC to come and there was a bit of a hunt to get hold of my number as I'm not in the class whatsapp, folks might not be surprised to know that 😂

I'm going to make the effort, they're lovely kids and it'll make DS happy.

I mean this kindly but it’s not about whether you like them or not. It’s about the children. Most children love parties, having fun with their friends and surely a nice part of parenting is seeing our children happy and enjoying themselves?
Maybe spend a little less on the presents if you have 3 in a row.