To dislike children's birthday parties?

[NanananananananaBATman]

My DS has three in the next week, reception age about to go up to year one so I assume parents are expected to stay. It is my idea of hell having to be 'on' and sociable because I'm neurodiverse and bordering on burnout.

I have a gift budget of £10 each which seems to be the minimum people tend to spend, fine if there's 1 birthday but expensive when there are 3. I have bills that cost less.

I grin and bear it for my DC but am I being unreasonable to really dislike this part of parenting?

Could you wear a noise cancelling headset and just tell everyone you have a thumping headache?

Why do people keep mentioning dad presumably OP has thought of the solution of the other parent going but have you lot not heard of single parents?

Ooh actually OP. What helps me in the office is something called Loops which are just fancy ear plugs. Anyway they do some thst block out SOME of the sound but still let you hear conversation

We have one today. In a park. It's chilly and due to rain.

I'm sending DH. He owes me, he went out last night.

DH struggles with noisy environments and only once attended one of DD's parties - for a short time and had to leave. If I had left it to him to take her she wouldn't have gone to any.

Most parents started dropping off in P2 here (year 1 in England) so you might be nearly past it with this DC. Some dropped even before that. I have to stay for allergy reasons so I'm increasingly standing in the corner on my phone as all the adults I know leave.

It's just one of those things. Although I'm lucky in that the other parents are all very nice.

Hate them and I'm NT and a sociable person so I can't imagine how much more difficult they must be for you.

I have an older child and a big age gap between them and my little one. The difference now is life is just so hectic and busy for everyone I feel. So fitting them in is just another pressure for us. Also with the cost of living crisis £10 a present for a potential class of 25 children where do you magic £250 a year from. I know your child will likely receive it back but when they don't need 25 different presents and you can't afford to put food on the table all just seems a bit daft and wasteful not to mention the environment. I've heard of people doing the £5 parties or where the class chips in and gets one present which could reduce that pressure a little but they don't seem to be a thing where I live.

I don't think there's really an answer to it other than to get through this phase. You could always do a "drop off party" for your children and hope other parents follow so you all get a bit of free time but it depends on other parents wanting to do that.

it doesn't help that I also loathe soft play where most the parties are held!

I think most people feel the same. I am deaf in one ear with tinnitus (which gets louder with noise) and it is so hard to hear in noisy places. I find these things stressful and embarrassing because I miss so much of the conversation. Then I'm so tired trying to hear, join in and smile and nod. My daughter also has a nut allergy and even though she's 8 I can't just drop her off as it wouldn't be fair to expect people to take responsibility and administer her EpiPen if needs me. I've a 4 year old too so another few years to endure 😂🙈

Wait until further down the line when the parties get more selective and he comes home crying he’s not been invited. I know which I prefer

Dad is working all weekend. If he wasn't then I'm sure he'd be happy to go. There's a possibility he might be able to do the Wednesday one, fingers crossed.

I've just looked into loops, where have they been all of my life? They look great and I'm going to order some right away. They won't be here in time for the party later or the one tomorrow but I'll get a lot of use out of them in general, thank you!

2 options- find a friend who you can cope with and chat to this friend for the party or ask if anyone can supervise eg ask someone your friendly with (offer to take their child to the next one)

quite often in my classes what’s app mums will post something like x would love to go to the party but I just need to work out how to get him there as I have other plans. And then another mum will offeR to take/supervise.

we are in year one now and parties have reduced a lot compared to reception thank goodness!

If you're friendly with a few mums already, (and you think your kids would be ok with it) maybe see if you can lift share between you?

Also, regarding gifts, when my DC were that age I used to try to get appropriate presents on offers at Argos. I remember there used to be a 2 for £15 offer when the items were usually 10 each.

My eldest is 6 and autistic and he has only ever been invited to one party. He goes to a school for autistic children and there doesn't seem to be many parties anyway, thank god.

I can absolutely see how that would be upsetting though and I would be gutted for them too.

I've heard one too many anecdotes about children not having anybody turn up to their parties or being left out, so I will always make the effort irrespective of loathing the parties themselves.

Is it bad manners to put money in the card rather than giving a present?

My friend actually preferred that approach when she held a party for her DD last year because her DD had far too many toys as it was, but it's a bit different when the parent sets it out themselves isn't it?

Yanbu

I like a lot of the mums at these things, but I do hate the parties. So chaotic and overwhelming. A bit of a sensory assault tbh!

It's just one of those things you have to get through. I like the short ones of about an hour and a half. Don't even care if there's no food on offer. My kids like these ones too as they see the activity as the fun bit. I remember going to a few really long ones of 3 hours plus and found them too long for me and the kids and everyone else tbh.

My eldest just gets dropped off now and she loves it. We've hosted a few drop off only ones too and I actually prefer them. I'd rather just have the kids so I don't need to worry about chatting to all the parents. I do like them, but I'd rather focus on the kids staying safe / having fun

People are always DYING to know the whereabouts of the dad even when he isn’t mentioned by the OP. I think that’s so weird, it’s like constantly fishing for information that hasn’t been given to you, just because you want to know

No. Couldn’t stand it. Making small talk about kids with other mums. Not my idea of a good time

I have the "engage" ones

I hear you op. It is all a bit stressy. Three in a week is a bit much!

Share with your other half and pace yourself. Make sure you get to the parties of your ds's best friends and pick and choose the rest. Everyone understands if you can't do three successive parties in a row for example.

You are allowed, for example, to reserve one weekend a month as a "recharging weekend" if that is what helps you to negotiate the rest.

I found parties useful places to connect with other parents and build up a wee reciprocal emergency baby sitting circle which can last throughout primary. Getting to see other parents either in their own home or outside of school, helps with that process, BC you can chose the parents you really like. I really recommend doing that for when you are ill, your oh is away, and you can't do the school run one day for example. As long as it is reserved for serious emergencies and no one abuses the arrangement it can work really well.

I think they want to lead an OP into a discussion about how she has chose a completely useless man to father her children and ask the MN favourite "why did you have children with this man? You knew he was useless before you got pregnant" 😉

It's absolutely fine the only thing is they will know exactly how much you've spent so you can't save a bit of money by finding a good 3 for 2 offer or spending £8 instead of £10.

Yeah they just assume the worst and there's a dad at home sat on his arse

Three in a week is a bit much!

DD once went to three in a day!

The other thing that helps is to take the time to buy a few unisex presents within your budget, for DC the same age as your ds, and have wrapping paper and cards at home, ready in advance, and that takes away another stressful element. You can usually find something really nice when you are shopping in advance and take your time.

I think money in a card is a great idea. I wished that was the 'done thing' when DC were little.