To feel poor even though we earn well?

[erte]

We live in London and have to for our jobs. Even though we earn what most people would consider a very good household income, maybe top 5% nationally, we still feel poor.

Yes we can afford rent but can’t afford much more than a one bed and save. Whereas if you told me 10 years ago how much I would earn, I’d have imagined a far more comfortable existence.

Renting a 1 bed flat, yes you’re not comfortable.

But you have a roof and I assume you can clothe yourself and pay your bills.

I work in a secondary school in an extremely deprived area and we regularly have staff having to go out and buy shoes & uniform so the children can come to school. We have to feed children who won’t get another meal until they’re back in school the next day. Send home food parcels for the weekend.
We have young carers at 12,13,14 + who don’t have a phone or a tv because they’ve sold them to buy themselves nice trainers so they can try and fit in or so they don’t have to share a pair of school shoes with their sibling(s)
YC who are regularly late for school and leave early to collect siblings from primary school and then share the meal deal they got at lunch time at school between the siblings.

You aren’t poor. You just don’t have the lifestyle you want.

People do realise mortgages can go up or down, but the increase recently is unprecedented because of the ridiculously high cost of housing now.

My mortgage increased by just £50 at the end of my previous fixed deal. That only happened because my mortgage was relatively low to begin with. Which in turn only happened because I've been on the housing ladder for years. I wouldn't be able to cope with several hundred pounds increase and nobody ever thinks that will happen - until now.

Would you like to share your income and expenditure figures with us? We could understand a bit more then how poor you are OP, and offer some help.

I agree house prices in some areas are crazy. I still think it's important to look at what the mortgage cost could be over a potential range of interest rates.

I think the difference between being genuinely poor and feeling poor is in choices.

In your situation you can do something about it. You could move, put less money in savings, have a parent stay home and also be able to afford a decent lifestyle.
When you’re genuinely poor you have no choices. Everything costs too much even the basics. Not being able to afford internet can leave you without access to services and banking, not being able to afford a car means your employment options are limited to the area you can get to, not being able to access training means low employability, no savings means you can’t afford to move or put deposits down.

It is horrible feeling like you get little from your wage however well you are paid but money does at least buy options.

Poor? I’m not sure that’s quite the right choice of word OP. You can’t possibly mean that you actually feel POOR.

Ooh these threads come up all the time OP, it’s not an unusual situation but it does indeed suck. Not as much as actually being poor sucks of course, but everyone knows that.

Chances are you actually CAN live somewhere else though - change your life, get different jobs, live somewhere cheaper (and probably nicer tbh). I loved living in London and love going back but wouldn’t have wanted to live there forever (did 8 years). It’s almost definite that there are options for you. It probably comes down to working around your life, not living around your work.

Threads like this remind me of the 4 Yorkshiremen Monty Python sketch which ended up with the protagonists trying to outdo each other with their evidence of childhood poverty.

The reality is in real terms everyone is worse off than they previously were. If you replicate the same career and earnings of your parents you will be in a far worse financial situation yourself than they were. In effect everyone has moved a rung or 2 down the ladder.

I earn in the top 1% and managed to pay my mortgage off before my DS was born so am now financially comfortable. However considering my income there are still many lifestyle limitations that simply wouldn’t have existed if I had the same career 20 years ago.

Where I was brought up most families typically had 2/3 children and funded everything on a single professional income. In some cases the children all went to private school.

Fast forward a generation and you’d need a single income of 250k+ to do that and even then you’d not have much spare.

It is the first time in living memory that the generational living standards will decline. People have been used to ending up in a better position than their parents were. Now if you replicate what your parents did in terms of work and careers you will find yourself in a much worse position than they are/were.

Meanwhile OP has shown a complete lack of understanding by using the the term poor.

Disagree. I’m in the north west. Yes you can buy a house here for a fraction of London prices but relative to wages it is still too high. Also rents- you can’t rent a family home (2 beds ) for less than £750.

It's not rocket science is it.

Not assuming op is the only one in this situation.

But many of the people who could move to a cheaper area won't. Like op probably won't but it's still an option.

As I said, it's still an option available to the Op. The Op could have one bedroom in Mayfair.

People have always done it. Moved further out for more space and cheaper prices.

All of your points are valid, I think the big issue here is OPs use of the word poor, even with the word feeling in front of it.

Absolutely same here, and this is absolutely correct. Similarly grew up poor/abused at home etc, worked my socks off despite systemic barriers, lack of support etc to get a good job so I could have financial security & a good standard of living. Achieved at school. Went to uni. Worked extremely hard at uni. Got the good job. Work extremely hard at my job. And …. It’s unlocked a “better” standard of living but no way do I have financial security or a “good” standard of living. I’m a single parent, which skews things a bit- but honestly my salary should cover us far better than it does.

We live in one of the cheap parts of the country, and I work 90% remotely for a company, so I’ve done the “move out of London” thing that’s apparently the silver bullet.
And yes I budget every penny- I run a budgeting spreadsheet for home that’s more detailed than the ones I run for work.

Guess what? I STILL can’t afford a mortgage, a car, technology etc. We have one £20 take away a month. Save all year for a cheap one week holiday in the sun or at the British seaside with my DS, and I prioritize this & sacrifice things like haircuts and new clothes for myself - because if I didn’t have that one week of the year of uninterrupted time with my kid, I’d go mad.

I have a very small amount of rainy day savings and have started to put tiny amounts away for my son to try and build up a uni fund but it won’t be enough when the time comes, and no way can I save for a house deposit.

Am I poor? No not in theory. Do I still feel poor (and I’ve been the kind of poor where my mum was breaking into the electricity meter to steal back 50ps so she could buy potatoes and eggs so we could have egg and chips for tea)? Fucking yes.

Ultimately what everyone’s complaining about - me included- is not absolute poverty, but is financial insecurity and the feeling that you are never “safe”. That you are one disaster away from your life falling apart- and absolute poverty. When you’ve done all the things you were told you should do to have a decent, financially secure life- study hard, work hard, get a good job, contribute to society, - and then you find it’s still out of your reach? And the gaping bloody maw of poverty for you and your kid is still RIGHT THERE waiting for you? That’s a very very fucking bitter pill to swallow.

And no, sacrificing a single takeaway and a holiday each year won’t fix that. An extra 2k a year will not buy me a house, allow me to run a car, secure me a comfortable retirement or let me live without money worries, before anyone comes at me about these “extravagant luxuries”.

I don’t understand: you don’t pay more tax until you earn more. So once you shifted into that bracket, yes, you started paying more tax proportionally out of your additional earnings, but you were still wanting more overall. So how could you afford less?

You say you earn more than 95% yet you feel poor. How do you think the other 95% feel?

Or do you think none of them live in London?

You have choices: move cities (I know you “caaan’t” but come on), move jobs, or accept it and stop whining.

You live in LONDON. You didn’t need to say anymore.

It is a little bit difficult without the context of your household income and outgoing, frankly.

Of course they do, & we did allow for this, but not to the levels seen in last year or two.

Poor? Maybe you should look up the meaning, sounds like you don't have the lifestyle you want.

You aren't poor if you're in the top 5% of earners. What a ridiculous thing to say. Try bringing your kids up on 30k and maybe I'll have more sympathy.
Or try being out of work and not eating for 2 days because your children have to be fed.
I'm sick of these threads about "how poor"people are when they have more money than most people can even imagine.
You could always change jobs and move out of London.

Again, sorry it's hard.
I think you weren't alone in not expecting such jumps, but in reality they can happen.

Again, all perfectly acceptable arguments.
Again, OP using the word poor is what's irking so many posters.

@Safewater
We pay a lot into pensions and have a lot of insurance
reduce pension payments and get a new boiler, I never understand this or hoarding savings whilst you go without the basics 🤷🏼‍♀️

Always felt the same.
Ìmo money doesn't go very far these days.
I've found the only way to really have savings is to strictly budget.
The day that wages are paid the bills are paid, one of those bills is "saving" then abandon the cards and use cash for shopping etc until in a pattern of keeping to that budget.

But it is annoying. I'm 33. The sort of money I earn, well I thought I'd have all sorts of nice stuff easily...not the case. I thought I'd own a nice house on my wage, also not the case. I do however have a lovely landlord who charges less than the going rate by £200 pcm...otherwise I'd really be struggling.