DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

[MrsDurrells]

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

This, do not help.

Are you her husband??

Why should she pack 5 peoples stuff, get the shopping. An hour tops? Are you mad?
I would stay at home and let him take the kids

Tell him that for your birthday you would like him to take the kids glamping whilst you spend a lovely relaxing weekend having time to yourself and doing whatever you want. Win-win!

The most powerful form of communication is behaviour: stick to your word, don’t lift a finger and let him take the children out while you relax at home - blissful weekend for you and a guaranteed lesson learnt for him.
Plus the kids learn the meaning of boundaries and will grow up respecting you. Triple win!

Sad that you married a useless inconsiderate man child but it’s never too late to take the reins of where this relationship is going.

Happy birthday 💐

Did the campsite turn out to be in Glastonbury?

Why is there such an absence of dynamic communications between partners. I can't see how it got to the stage that the OP meekly ended up on this trip that she'd been really clear that she didn't want. No has to mean no.

and as for the poster who says she should be grateful? 😆 😹 😂😳there are no words or sufficient eye rolls.

Totally agree, pack for you and the kids, he can pack his own things and then make sure you go out for dinner each day.

So no cooking and washing up.

Women....stop being martyrs ffs

I imagine you are scared of the backlash from him of you not going or you not co-operating. he will get cross, shout, sulk or blame you? you may have to allow the children to be disappointed but this is a once a year Mum time not about everybody else's needs. And no it does not take "an hour tops" to pack/prepare , it takes way more time. Allow him to manage and stop saving him.

I hope you all had a great time, and that your DH surprised you by his organisational skills.

Bloody hell. Hope you're not still with him!

Hope you survived OP. Sometimes you need to let people step up to the plate and make mistakes. Your oldest two DC could pack for themselves. They need to learn too. (At five you still need to go through what they've packed but letting them do it is teaching autonomy). Your eldest should be packing their own Airpods!

My DC is SEND which wasn't picked up until they started missing teenage milestones. But they are an expert at packing a bag for a trip because they started at about three!

But that's what happens every time. That's a lot of work and part of the reason OP didn't want a trip in the first place (which she communicated clearly). Or am I missing your sarcasm?

I cannot stop thinking about this thread.
It’s the patriarchy in action. This is exactly how we bring up another generation of the shitty men we all complain about, of the girls unable to stand up for themselves that infuriate us on here.
Because children witness this dynamic where mum’s needs and wants don’t matter, where she puts up with literally anything to not inconvenience others, and replicate it in their adult relationships.

Bravo! Exactly.

Plot twist! I would forgive him in that case

To @THisbackwithavengeance an hour says a man who never packed for himself let alone a family and food shop and sleeping bags...

Doesn’t sound like glamping if they don’t provide bedding? Thought that was the point of glamping - it’s all processed and set up for you?

I'd love an update on how it went. Hope you all had a good time though

I love to come back for an update that he upped his game and you had a great time. I won't hold my breath.

So the assumption is that she bormally does the packing for herself and the kids, the cooking and washing up, while he only packs for himself..the result is that she still packs for the kids, he still only packs for himself and....still doesn't cook or wash up?

She will likely contribute toward the treat of not cooking or washing up which she could have had at home half the time if he "helped" and spent the money on something she wanted.

The problem is that he got a weekend away that he wanted and she didn't...for her birthday.

I'm sure she will make the best of it but making the best of it is not the point of a cinsidered thoughtful birthday gift.

@MrsDurrells
Hope you enjoyed your birthday. Would love an update when you can

We’re back! I’m so sorry for not updating but there was no signal (which was really nice, but I did keep on thinking of you all!, and what some of you would recommend me to say!)

I have to admit it… I actually really enjoyed it!!

DC were annoyed at DH for forgetting a few bits, and as PP’s suggested I kept referring them to daddy, which has worked brilliantly, as he did have to find solutions. e.g he didn’t pack eldest DC a jumper so he gave him his instead. He hadn’t packed tea/coffee (I don’t drink either). He hadn’t packed a night light so kids used the only torch we had, which meant DH had to go pee in total darkness… small stuff really but I would’ve sorted those basics.

The kids were brilliant and DH got them involved in jobs which I have learnt from.

We had a bit of a serious chat one eve and came up with some solutions, such as if I pack then he has to unpack. If I cook then he has to clean up. I’ll do weekday meals and he will do weekends. He is doing all the unpacking, washing etc from this trip as it was his gift. He thanked me for all I do and encouraged the kids to say that too; I think it has been a bit of an eye opener for us both perhaps.

All in all there has been some compromise and I’m not foolish enough to think he’s a totally changed man but, he has heard me and he knows not to pull a stunt like this ever again. There was no arguing or rudeness from either side, and I gave examples PP had given too so that worked fab thank you. I’ve been too quick to give in before because it’s easier but it really isn’t in the long run! And only builds resentment.

I’d quite like to go back there again but on my own next year!

What a lovely update. Communication for the win!

I have to admit it… I actually really enjoyed it!!

Ooh-how infuriating!

But on balance I would say better than not enjoying it!

Perhaps because you didn't have to organise it all & won't be dealing with the aftermath!