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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

381 replies

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 14:11

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

OP posts:
pandasorous · 28/06/2024 19:24

THisbackwithavengeance · 28/06/2024 14:31

Stop with the drama. Just do the bloody packing. Put some clothes in a bag.

It takes an hour tops.

Go on your trip.

Enjoy yourself.

Some Mumsnetters are not happy unless they're kicking off or encouraging other women to kick off. If you want your DH to dislike you and to spoil your family life, then of course refuse to go or throw a tantrum.

it's not drama to enforce previously laid down boundaries.

are you a man?

gardenmusic · 28/06/2024 19:29

pandasorous,

Yes. drop something unpleasant and run. Of course it's a man.
We are getting more and more of them popping in to give us the benefit of their wisdom.
They cannot see how pathetic it makes them look.

JFDIYOLO · 28/06/2024 19:33

I have a horrible feeling there's no WiFi at the campsite ... 🥺

Nanaof1 · 28/06/2024 19:40

THisbackwithavengeance · 28/06/2024 14:31

Stop with the drama. Just do the bloody packing. Put some clothes in a bag.

It takes an hour tops.

Go on your trip.

Enjoy yourself.

Some Mumsnetters are not happy unless they're kicking off or encouraging other women to kick off. If you want your DH to dislike you and to spoil your family life, then of course refuse to go or throw a tantrum.

@MrsDurrells
And go buy and pack ALL the food. Pack all the toiletries and extra necessities. THEN, when you get to this trip you did not want, for your birthday, cook all the meals, do all the cleaning up. Don't forget when you get home to do ALL the unpacking, the washing, the cleaning of shoes, etc. Then do another shop for food now that you are home.

ALL for the trip you did not WANT for your birthday. After all, what is important is what the "man" (using that term loosely) wants to do for YOUR birthday.

For your NVDH's BD, be sure to have a spa day, with body waxing, eyebrow plucking, mani-pedi etc. for the two of you. Then go to a fancy hotel for a tea party. He should love that as much as you will love this "glamping trip".

Daleksatemyshed · 28/06/2024 19:44

Your DH probably thinks this will be a lovely break for you as he finds holidays so relaxing, that's because you organise everything, and pack, look after the kids and do all the clean up after. Let him do it all Op, you do what he normally does, if he complains just remind him you said No trips. As soon as you give in and take over he'll learn nothing

diddl · 28/06/2024 19:49

Looking at the site info there’s no power, and there is a camp fire to cook on but you have to take your own utensils, oh and toilet roll. Ha!

Does this even qualify as glamping?

I thought the point was that you didn't have to take anything except clothes, toiletries & food if you want to.

Nanaof1 · 28/06/2024 19:49

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 15:24

When i opened a card with the pictures of the camp site in I was very polite infront of the kids but I did say very very clearly that he would be getting everything ready.

I’ve always done mine and the kids packing, all toiletries/food etc, and he packs his clothes then he loads the car. I admit I am ridiculously organised but that’s because I’ve had to be not because I particularly enjoy it that way.

I’ve brought down my pillow-he asked why. Reminded him there’s no bedding at the site. (There are sleeping bags in the loft but now he’s grabbing duvets off beds). I can see he’s not packed toothbrushes/paste, little ones bottle, or eldests AirPods who won’t be happy without them. I feel a bit mean, but PP’s are right, I’m not caving in!

You are my hero for the day!

6pence · 28/06/2024 20:00

I’m waiting for the list of things and his reaction to realising he’s forgotten.

Pastimperfection · 28/06/2024 20:05

This thread is going to keep me going all weekend. Please keep us posted.

Morriata · 28/06/2024 20:09

I think this is shaping up OK. OP has been resolute but not nasty and TBF they were on their way pretty early.

Sympathies OP that he gave you a present that you specifically said you didn't want. I think there's a decent chance that you'll come out of this with a husband who listens to you a bit more, and is a bit more useful with holiday wrangling. Might be worth the cost of a weekend glamping with a 2 year old. Though the concepts of glamour and toddlers really shouldn't be shoehorned into the same sentence.

Nonewclothes2024 · 28/06/2024 20:33

THisbackwithavengeance · 28/06/2024 14:31

Stop with the drama. Just do the bloody packing. Put some clothes in a bag.

It takes an hour tops.

Go on your trip.

Enjoy yourself.

Some Mumsnetters are not happy unless they're kicking off or encouraging other women to kick off. If you want your DH to dislike you and to spoil your family life, then of course refuse to go or throw a tantrum.

She doesn't want to go.
She told him that.
Why should she ?

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/06/2024 20:50

I hope he’s continuing to look after you and that the trip is a success, however it turns out…

EveryOtherNameTaken · 28/06/2024 21:00

Guessing no internet at the campsite either as OP hasn't updated 😂

Nanaof1 · 28/06/2024 21:23

PinkArt · 28/06/2024 18:42

I thought we were 'fantastic (and complex)'. Is that just until any of us disagree with you?

Show quote history

His opinions are very "fluid", much like the rest of him. 😉

HaveSomeIntrospect · 28/06/2024 21:37

How is it going?

Gillbil · 28/06/2024 21:39

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 15:32

@crumblingschools hes at school and we will pick him up on our way to the site. It’s only a two hour journey from home and very rural. In all fairness he had made a pile of stuff to take a few nights ago, so it’s just a case of adding the other stuff to it.

Looking at the site info there’s no power, and there is a camp fire to cook on but you have to take your own utensils, oh and toilet roll. Ha!

Oh my.... 😱

How is this glamping?!
Goodluck and well done for not caving!

TeaGinandFags · 28/06/2024 21:53

bluebeck · 28/06/2024 14:17

I don’t understand. I would just tell him thanks but no thanks.

He can take the kids and you can have a lovely weekend relaxing, seeing friends, cinema, whatever you like to do.

Absolutely this!

The more you go along with his nonsense and make it work, the more he'll continue acting like a dick.

The kids will survive. He may learn a lesson.

You deserve a break.

crockofshite · 28/06/2024 21:55

Pack for you and the kids, but not for him

Xmasbaby11 · 28/06/2024 22:03

I hope you have a lovely weekend op! It sounds like he's made some effort with food / cat feeding / booking somewhere and while he's overlooked plenty, hopefully it will still be fun and he won't expect you to do everything there.

crockofshite · 28/06/2024 22:05

Captainmycaptains · 28/06/2024 15:10

Tell him the next b’day surprise had better be a spa weekend for you and a mate or you and him!

Better still, for his next birthday buy him a spa weekend....

bakebeans · 28/06/2024 22:07

Everyone is different but for me. I would go however in fairness I refuse to pack DH case. He either packs it or doesn’t go.

BruFord · 28/06/2024 22:23

AdoraBell · 28/06/2024 15:55

I would develop a migraine/stomach bug and go to bed just before he and the DC leave.

Also, instead of saying “no trip” I would have suggested he buys anything that you like - perfume/jewellery/clothes etc.

A few years ago my late MIL wanted to know what I wanted done for my 50th birthday, this was because she wanted us to drive from Devon to London, have a buffet and fawn over her being so generous and then return home. I said I wanted to have dinner in the Savoy Grill.

@AdoraBell 🤣 What happened? Did she go quiet after that?

piscofrisco · 29/06/2024 07:34

My ex dh did this to me once. I waited until two hours before we were due to leave, with nothing packed or organised and the. Cheerfully announced I was off for a pre birthday trip blow dry, and couldn't wait to get back and go off on our lovely trip , thanks darling, amazing!
Came back and he had packed -ish, and we muddled through the weekend with anything missing being put on him to contribute to fixing ' oh no we don't have such and such, what do think we should do?' Not in a nasty way but I just refused to fix everything for him instantly like I usually did.

It was fine. Not perfect but fine and a good learning Curve for us both-him that he needed to contribute and plan a bit and me that I actually didn't need to be the fixer and have everything perfectly planned.

armyofants · 29/06/2024 10:02

bakebeans · 28/06/2024 22:07

Everyone is different but for me. I would go however in fairness I refuse to pack DH case. He either packs it or doesn’t go.

Please tell me there are not people out there who actually pack their DH’s bags..

bakebeans · 29/06/2024 10:09

@armyofants they live amongst us 🤣