To expect to share alcohol?

[Riversideandrelax]

We went on an adult only trip to to celebrate a big birthday of a friend. It was a large group and we were divided into different holiday homes. We were sharing with one couple who are mutual friends of ours and one couple who we'd met a few times before but are not friends of ours.

Before we went this couple suggested we all put a bit of money in and they'd get some basic ingredients for breakfast/snacks for the holiday home. We agreed as did the friends of ours.

When we arrived they showed us what they'd bought. It was lots of 'basics' type things like cheap white bread, biscuits, crisps, squash, margarine, baked beans, instant coffee, sugary cereal, lots of sausages and bacon (I'm vegetarian.) This is not the type of food I normally eat but after a moment just thought I obviously had different expectations but as nothing was specified I'll have to put it down to experience. So we didn't say anything negative about the food - just got on with it.

We'd all brought some alcohol with us. Myself and the friends of ours said to everybody else 'please help yourself.' We'd brought a bottle of champagne, some wine and beers. Our friends had bought similar. The other couple bought a bottle of spirits. I realise now they'd not suggested that it was to be shared. I'd also brought some nice nibbles to share - crisps, olives, bread sticks.

On the first proper night (had arrived late on the first day) we were all sat in the lounge having some drinks and the nibbles I'd brought. I'd opened one of our bottles of wine and myself and the 2 other women were drinking that. The men all had some of the spirit. Anyway the evening went on and the men were a bit drunk. The man who brought the bottle of spirits started a physical fight with my DP because he'd helped himself to the spirit. It all came out. About how they'd offered us a cup of tea but we'd not reciprocated - we didn't ever have a tea as we don't like the cheap tea bags. We should have made them breakfast to thank them for getting the shopping.

I realised the whole thing about us paying for this shopping was essentially because they couldn't bare to share anything.

My DP didn't retaliate but left the holiday home to go for a walk to let things calm down. When he got back we packed our things and left.

I think the moral is not to go on holiday with people you don't know well. We are the type of people that share everything. They'd been counting every time my partner had some of their alcohol. They also eat very differently to us, which is fine, I'd just not realised. But perhaps they should have checked as they wanted to do it this way.

I'd certainly not want to stay after a physical fight. You did the right thing by leaving.

I hate violence.

Because, if eating white sliced bread, cereal, PG Tips and cheap eggs are your 'normal', it simply won't have occurred to you that other people (whom you don't know) don't eat as you do, and that you may need to communicate that you eat more 'basic' food to the other people, and to make financial adjustments to your food kitty. You seem unable to grasp that everyone's food norm is not yours.

I mean, I'm entirely of your food norm (not privileged -- I grew up in a very impoverished WC family, eating cheap food and not much of it, and discovering good (vegetarian) food and how to cook it was a total revelation in adulthood), and if I were catering for joint breakfasts on a weekend away, I would have bought good coffee beans (and brought a grinder) and the kind of foods you mention. I'm not questioning that at all.

But I'm well aware that a lot of people eat cheap basics, whether from poverty or preference.

I can think of people I know who would have bought exactly what the couple in your house did, not from poverty, nor from malice, nor from an attempt to economise so they could splurge on booze, but because it wouldn't have occurred to them to buy anything else because those are 'breakfast foods'. That's what they grew up with (as did I) and that's what they still eat.

Yes, other people did mention it. But I think everyone was very wary of him kicking off again and didn't want to spoil the weekend anymore than it had already been spoiled. They didn't carry on like nothing had happened.

I hate violence too.

No, I think I've made quite clear I am aware of that. And if people like eating cheap food, that's perfectly fine. My best friend and my DP are from a similar background to you.

But why would you not ask for the money you need for the cheap food which would then have made it clear and we could have said something? That's the bit I don't get. Some people eat those foods - fine. Some people don't eat nicer food on holiday - fine. But why not make the budget fit that then?

Out of pure nosiness, how much was the budget/did you contribute?

YANBU to leave after things turned physical. The rest is down to personality and lack of communication.

We gave £30 per couple which was to cover 2 breakfasts and some snacks.

I think that was plenty to get more than basics food?

I'd have thought for £7.50 per person you could easily get a dozen free-range eggs, a rye loaf of bread, 250g packet of butter, some tomatoes & mushrooms, and some sausages.

Who needs scads of custard creams when you're out with friends all day?

Yes, I think it was plenty to get some really decent breakfasts and a few nibbles.

Exactly weren't going to be spending every day having tea and biscuits!

£90 for breakfast bits and some snacks is a lot of money! No wonder you looked shocked!

£90 is more than enough for 2 days worth of breakfast and snacks for 6 people! I would expect ingredients for a decent cooked breakfast, pastries, fruit, juice and snacks for that amount.

I know you said they went for quantity but how much did they buy?!

£90 for two days worth of breakfasts and snacks for 6 people??!

I know!! That's what I spend for my weekly shop!

Why I love travelling alone. Have the best conversations with complete strangers.

So when we arrived acquaintance couple were already there and they'd unpacked the groceries. The woman opened the cupboards/fridge/freezer to show us.

I'm not joking when I say there was about 12 packets of biscuits! 2 big packs of multipack crisps, I think. Maybe 3 packs of fairy cakes.

A couple of big packs of sausages (40 sausages in total!) . 2 big trays of caged hens eggs. 6 packs of bacon. 6 tins of baked beans. 4 loaves of bread. 2 big packs of sugary cereal. Big pack of teabags, big jar of instant coffee, big bottle of orange squash, 3 cartons of from concentrate orange juice. Pack of sugar, 6 pints of milk.

And yes, they took all the leftovers home with them!

Yes! Hence why I thought we'd get nice things.

Sounds like bliss compared to this! 😉

Wtf the guy physically attacked him?! What are you supposed to do after that, just start nodding and smiling and just go to the party together?

I’d have left too, the point is a celebration, that would be totally ruined and the whole thing incredibly awkward at best so what’s the point?

And it’s not even hard to do that politely. ‘Oh that all looks lovely! Thanks but just to say I’m going to stick to my own beer/wine/gin and just use that myself if that’s ok, I don’t drink a lot so just brought my own supply’’

OP they sound like a pair of skanks. Horrible situation but with luck they’ll be drop kicked from the group now.

I'm not joking when I say there was about 12 packets of biscuits! 2 big packs of multipack crisps, I think. Maybe 3 packs of fairy cakes.

A couple of big packs of sausages (40 sausages in total!) . 2 big trays of caged hens eggs. 6 packs of bacon. 6 tins of baked beans. 4 loaves of bread. 2 big packs of sugary cereal. Big pack of teabags, big jar of instant coffee, big bottle of orange squash, 3 cartons of from concentrate orange juice. Pack of sugar, 6 pints of milk.

INSTANT coffee????? Good lord, they are tasteless grifters.

For 12 breakfasts (6 people twice) rough prices from my regular Sainsbury’s shop (prices from memory so rough estimates )

24 eggs: £8
packet of butter £3
packet of real coffee £7
two loaves unsliced rye bread or sour dough £6
12 tomatoes (I buy Sainsbury’s small salad toms, basic but good with eggs) £2
English breakfast loose tea £5
Milk 1litre £2
Jam £2
Fruit bananas, oranges £8 (at most)

Maybe £40 for the lot?

But instant coffee on holidays - bleurgh

Nothing I’ve listed is particularly fancy or snobbish. Just good plain relatively unprocessed food to make healthy but nice breakfasts

Maybe this couple have an eating problem as well, or are particularly boring people who spend their lives sitting around drinking cups of tea and eating biscuits. And PPs’ comments about the man’s violence over alcohol suggests a problem with alcohol.

Luckily, you’ll never have to see these low rent types again @Riversideandrelax

Yes, they've well and truly burned their bridges.

I like your list of food much better! I love sourdough rye!

You would think if this was their normal diet they'd be obese. They're not a slim couple but not obese either. I'm sure they planned to take lots home!

And the instant coffee was the cheapest kind going 🤮

Pretty normal to assume everyone was sharing as a) the crazy couple came up with the idea of chipping in and buying food for everyone to share and b) crazy couple woman was happily drinking OPs wine so obviously was happy to be the recipient of sharing.

No reasonable person would conclude anything other than all the alcohol was being shared.

You are barmy if you think otherwise. Or obtuse

The food sounded nasty. I wouldn't have eaten it either.

Anyone who thinks punching someone because they are annoying them is a strange person to side with.

I guess you are that kind of a person