vet holding cats ashes hostage

[Saitama]

My poor cat had been at the vet on and off for months, but in the end unfortunately had to be PTS. This was on a weekend and so the cost of it was extortionate, but it would have been cruel if we'd waited until monday. We asked for him to be cremated and to have his ashes back and his paw prints etc.

We've spent several thousand £ at this vet in the last months for my cat, trying to diagnose and treat him, all paid up to date until the PTS. Now I owed £700, I paid 350 of that and set up a payment plan for the rest at X amount per month. But the vets are refusing to give me my cats ashes back until it's paid in full.

All my savings have gone into my cat and I have nothing left, so his poor ashes are just sat at the vet alone and waiting for me and I can't bring him home. I've been with the vets for years with my other animals, have always been a good client, paid on time, never missed an appointment, no reason for them to think I'd just take his ashes and not pay since my other pets are registered there.

It's going to be approx 4-5 months until I can pay the rest of the bill to get my cat back, it feels so cruel of the vet to be holding him hostage like this when taking all the above into account, and how many appointments I had had there with this cat alone. I'd even sent them a card and chocolates after some of the appointments before to thank them for their work etc.

AIBU to think it's super messed up and cruel that they won't just give me his ashes now?

So sorry for your loss op and that you have to deal with this on top of it. I think it's unfair on the part of your vet given the circumstances.

I do feel it's a bit unfair but also you haven't paid yet. Maybe they've had issues in the past where they've allowed people to take the ashes home before payment and then never got the payment or had to go to court over it which incurred additional costs.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and this behaviour on top of it which is making you feel worse. 💐

Too many people just refuse to pay. They have provided a service and need to be paid for it before they can release the ashes. You didn't have to have him cremated, you could have buried him yourself. Would you pay £700 to a company on behalf of someone else with no guarantee that you would be paid back for it for it?

Did they tell you you wouldn’t receive the ashes until the bill was paid?

I am sorry for your loss OP, but I could not get my Dad’s ashes until I’d paid the entire cremation bill to the funeral director. As I did not yet have access to any of his accounts, I paid out of pocket on a my credit card.

I think it is a standard business practice and I know it seems cruel and heartless but it’s really just a service and you do need to pay in full before taking possession of the ashes.

Absolutely. The OP may well pay off the debt after picking her pet's ashes up but I can assure you some would not. As in so many things the behaviour of a minority spoils things for others. If vets do not ensure these plans (which are to help valued clients like the OP) are paid they will not be able to afford to offer them in future.

I understand it's upsetting for the OP but it was good of the practice to offer a payment plan in the first place.

I think it's genuinely very sad but gently, they are a business and this is standard procedure of you receiving something after you've paid for.
I guess they've had instances in the past where people don't pay their bill and they lose any incentive for people to settle their balances.

not in advance of him being sent to be cremated no, I only found out when I phoned about collecting him

and to clarify, it was 700 owed but I paid 350 already and set up a payment plan for the remaining 350 so surely they can see I am willing to/going to pay!

This I'm afraid, sometimes other clients spoil it for other people. The payment plan is meeting you in the middle - they are giving you a reasonable timeframe in which to pay your bill rather than demanding it up front. They do the same too with human ashes in many undertakers.

This sounds like rough treatment to me, or my vet is far far more chilled than I give them credit for.

“no reason for them to think I'd just take his ashes and not pay”

They have every reason - you’ve apparently exhausted your savings and it’s going to take you several months to pay off £350. Surely you can see that it’d be easy for you to stop paying once you’ve got what you want from them. They’re not withholding services that have any impact on animal welfare or keeping a live cat hostage. You’ve added things to your bill (cremation, prints etc) which have no bearing on the welfare of the cat, you need to pay for them before they’re delivered. It feels harsh I’m sure but I think it’s also fairly common and really the only way the business can ensure they’re paid.

They are a business and it makes business sense. It is a business transaction not an emotional one.

Can you borrow money from somewhere to pay off the balance?

sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss but YABU, presumably the vet has paid the crematorium and has an account with them, I don’t blame the vet. They are a business and it’s unreasonable to get the goods before they’re paid for even if historically you’ve been a good customer.

many people would just walk away and not pay the balance.

I didn't realise they did this with human ashes too.

I can understand why, in the big picture. But it seems so cruel. And vets are meant to be compassionate and animal lovers so it contradicts that when they won't give a grieving owner any closure via the ashes

I could have taken his body back and got him cremated at a private company for a lot cheaper, which I would have then had him back with me straight away. But the thought of taking his body back with me was too painful and so I opted to leave him at the vet... if I knew this would happen then I would've sucked it up and taken him private 😓

Anyone can say they are going to pay and cancel the payment plan.
The first clinic I worked in had a shelf of caskets of individually cremated pets that people never came back for because they were going to pay 'next week'. Except next week never arrived.

Whilst for you it is an emotional problem, for a business it is a practical one. They can't supply the goods until payment has been received. Which sounds really cold, but would apply in almost any circumstance.

I am sorry about your cat, we had a beloved pet PTS this week so I do understand BUT I think your vet is entitled to keep the ashes until you have paid in full. I appreciate that you have set up a plan but there is no guarantee you will pay.
Vets are a Business and so have every right to withold things until you pay in full.
If you have any more pets please do look into Insurance, we will be paying £200 of a £1000 bill for our cat

I've been with the vets for years with my other animals, have always been a good client, paid on time, never missed an appointment, no reason for them to think I'd just take his ashes and not pay since my other pets are registered there.

My partner is a vet, he see's about 30-40 animals a day. He only remembers the really awful ones (rude owners, aggressive animals) or the ones that are seriously sick. You can claim to be a good customer - but to them you are just one in thousands. They don't know you. They don't know you will pay.

I'm sorry, OP, but vets can't just give people chances. It costs them too much money - because people will do everything they can to not get away with paying, including through cancelling direct debits and standing payments once they've got the treatment they want.

I feel for you as its an awful situation, but just because you are planning on paying, doesn't mean everyone would.

As someone said above, funeral directors do not release ashes to families until the bill has been paid either. Its a standard practice.

I’m really sorry about your cat. It’s heartbreaking when our pets die.

From an outsider’s perspective, I can appreciate that the vets have set policies that they follow and it’s understandable that they won’t provide you with your cat’s ashes until you have paid in full as they then won’t have any guarantee you will pay them. Whilst I fully appreciate that you intend to do so, there will be some people who won’t and haven’t which is why this policy in place. Those are the people your annoyance should be directed at.

I do agree with you and think it’s out of order op, but my vets are extremely forgiving and laid back about bills, especially when it’s with a loyal client. They’d never hold an animals ashes hostage. The clients either going to pay or they won’t, the process will be the same with them filing a claim against you. I guess there’s not much you can do about it now though. Is the there someone you can lend the money from and pay them off instead?

They do I'm afraid, but again you can understand why, they are a business which need to pay their own bills, staff, etc.

I disagree that their business practice is at odds with their compassion, I am sure they gave your cat the best possible care, which is why you chose to go with them and not at the private company.

It's unfortunate that it's unaffordable for you at present, but at least your ball of floof (I love cats) isn't in any pain, you did your absolute best for him, and with your payment plan in place you will know when you can collect him and make future plans for that time - somewhere nice to scatter him, etc. Take care.

They should be able to see from their records that she's a longstanding customer who has always paid. Also if she was going to not pay why would she have paid half when she could have tried to get away with not paying any of the £700.

On the other hand I do understand that it is a business and I'm sure there are a surprising amount of people who can't or won't pay.

Maybe because she thought she could get away with only paying half?
I am sure Op fully intends to pay the rest but what if she finds herself unable to? Should the vet just write it off?

One of my best friends is a veterinary nurse - she has seen it all - including long-standing customers who have paid during the life of their animal and then left them at the surgery once they have passed, without paying final bills or even attempting to get their animal cremated or taken them home to bury. The only sensible way is to have a policy that is the same for everyone.